stuck

[katheryn1]

if you have ever read any of my pieces before yiu might remember that my husband left me back in june within a couple of weeks he started a relationship with our neighbour witch didnt work out.

 

we both at diferant times tried to kill ourselves and i stuck by him and stayed at the hospital as long as possible untill he was allowed home ,

 

and since then we decided to work on our problems hes been seeing a councillor and i seen one 2 my sessions have finished and im due 2 start comming of my meds next month ,

 

hes been on the sick for 4wks and has 2 go and see the doctor tomorrow ,

 

but today we had a discussion about us and ha doesnt know wat he wants which has me reeling as i thought we were ok at this moment hes gone home to think and im writing on here,

 

im not sure wat set this of is it having to go docs tomorrow or scared about having to go back to work,

 

while i was working he started sorting out his things and put cds and afew things in a bag ready to bring down but he said this scared him but he doesnt know why hes been sleeping here for the last rew weeks ,

 

i know that hes still in the early stages of meds and its going to take time and we will both have moments when we wonder if we are doing the right thing,

 

i hope him going of and thinking on his own helps

[katheryn1]

today we came to the conclusion that we would stayfriends as he doesnt know wats going on in his head,

 

yes i was enjoying our few weeks as a couple but he decided he doesnt know were he is going . he went docs and she changed his meds but kept him on yhe sick ,

 

he told the nurse that he doesnt want to get hurt or hurt anybody ,

 

well im hurt as last week i had a reply to my email saying he would leave it up to me what to do with the divorce as all he wanted was us all to be a family again married or not,

 

i have tried to find out what set this chain of events off sorting his stuff out to get ready to move back in, responsiblities of checking on the kids while i did my night shift,

 

me moaning about his lack of comming down to check on them, talking to somebody that vists exgf, being in my house alone, and a conversation about me telling him to go away when he was better,when i said that it could be that when he was better he might leave he said he couldnt answer that one

so these things going on might of set him thinking safer to be friends i wish it could all be worked out easier but thats life

 

he keeps asking me not to get upset but i cant help it, it like loosing all over again ,

[katheryn1]

today sucks i havent slept again i know this is a part of breaking up but every one is telling me he will want to come back how much time do i put up with this ,

i can do friedship but i know i let myself get in this mess by getting close again,

 

he came down for a bit last night but was uncomfortable because hes afraid im going to ask why he changed his mind but he cant tell me but he wants these answers from the gf he had a quick relationship from when we were seperated ,

 

we been married nearly 14yrs and togeather nearly 16yrs ,2 children togeather and i have 2 from way before we met,

 

he started comming down before and jist talking then staying over on the settee then going to bed with me but being on the settee so kids didnt guess wat was going on then for just over aweek just staying in my bed all night,

 

i am hoping he just got cold feet or the depression got in the way but it is hurting again

 

right up untill tues morning everything was fine he even filled out the warranty for the new printer in his name and my address ,

 

so how do i find out wat went wrong and how much time do i give him

[In Sync]

I don't know you but your post touched me, so here is my thoughts.

First from this moment on take the Decision that you will no longer be the Victim of Your Circumstance. You have been a wife and mother and also have had some emotional setbacks. But despite life's rough hand you have been dealt you are not dead nor are you helpless. So I am not going to pour out a pity reply.

Yes you have every right to feel depressed but focusing on feeling down ain't going to do you a damn bit of good. Ok, what's going on here, husband had left you for a neighbor and he's back in your life but doesn't want to stay married. Fine. You've had many years together, but you know what your mental health and being strong for your kids and possibly grandkids (future) is essentail now. Let him go. Your life is a new chapter. Are you paying attention. If he wants out, clinging is not going to cahnge his mind. Of course you have history but again you have theFuture. You don't have time for wasting another moment trying to figure him out. Find your own therapist. If you have to take med TAKE IT, big deal. Half the world does, but start LOVING yourself. That's for everybody. I'm going to ask you question. Are you keeping yourself up, physically pampering you. We are like plants we need watering. Are you doing something towards meeting new people. Join any kind of club, book of the month, knitting, baking cookies for the local church or PTA or painting, practice yoga or anything where there are other... OTHER PEOPLE!!!You need to be around other functioning in society people. And just for the fun of it. Will you still miss him? Yeah. But for 5 minutes each day you won't. You are building a road for a new life. You got access to the computer make use of it find out where there's someting going on where you live and make an effort to become a part of it. There's a world out there become a part of it. Your world was your husband and family.

It doesn't stop just because he wants out.

And here's something that's going to probably upset, everytime your friends tell you he will come back...they are not your friend. They are deluding you and helping you stay stuck instead of growing. I don't know you but I read your post and it ain't happy. Who am I? Somebody who struggle in a relationship that I hadn't invested nearly as much time as you, but I gather you have put too much time into something you need to be letting go, sister.

There's no rule saying you must not change the course of your life! That you must stay with the picture you painted. Get a new canvas and try new colors. Stupid saying but here it goes This world is (you got it) your...oyster! There I'm outta breath.