New relationship going amazingly and it all changed overnight under the strangest circumstances....

[Stupidkupid]

9 hours ago, GarnigoTarmeister said:

 

As for the part about holding myself back by maintaining contact then yes you are probably right there too. With the benefit of hindsight I now know that.

I feel like I may have come across as unsympathetic towards you. I wanted to assure you that I'm really not. I actually feel for you. Its difficult to feel we've made a connection with someone and for that, then to end.

I do feel ending contact with her is the way to go. The only people I speak to very regularly  are my partner and my mum. I know its not easy but you honestly deserve more than almost hanging on to this woman.

Things are opening up now and the weather is beautiful. Put yourself back out there and date... but try to stop entertaining her. You weren't looking for a friendship and its pretty unfair for her to expect that from you now after essentially unceremoniously dropping you.

[Stupidkupid]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is he famous?

What country are you in @Wiseman2 (if you don't mind me asking?)

I ask as we are a bit odd in the UK. There are local BBC news pages and often if someone is young and their story well known in the community, or they raised money etc, the BBC website will pick it up from a local news channel

I did find this odd but, honestly we are odd so ... yeah

[GarnigoTarmeister]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is he famous?

No but at the end of last year she was meant to be doing a huge endurance challenge she had been planning and raising funds for for the past two years. The news story was about the challenge she was doing intertwined with her reconnecting with a loved one and then losing him in the space of 11 weeks. In the end she didn't do the challenge as the team she was doing it with raised concerns about her mental health and the organisers wouldn't let her take part.

[GarnigoTarmeister]

6 minutes ago, Stupidkupid said:

I feel like I may have come across as unsympathetic towards you. I wanted to assure you that I'm really not. I actually feel for you. Its difficult to feel we've made a connection with someone and for that, then to end.

I do feel ending contact with her is the way to go. The only people I speak to very regularly  are my partner and my mum. I know its not easy but you honestly deserve more than almost hanging on to this woman.

Things are opening up now and the weather is beautiful. Put yourself back out there and date... but try to stop entertaining her. You weren't looking for a friendship and its pretty unfair for her to expect that from you now after essentially unceremoniously dropping you.

Don't worry I wasn't offended! I know you are right. When this all happened at the start of last year she said to me she appreciated it would really hurt me and that if I wanted to cut contact she would understand. With the benefit of hindsight I would have cut contact there and then.

[GarnigoTarmeister]

9 hours ago, spiderowl said:

Sorry to hear what happened, OP, and thanks for the update.

It sounds like she did the love-bombing on you - as you said, she is impulsive.  The good thing is that you didn't get more involved with her and then have her turn around and opt out because she is impulsive.

It's very tough and one needs to be wary of these people who throw everything into a relationship from the very start and then throw it all out again just as quickly.  It is hurtful to the person who has been love-bombed and made to feel that it was all going so well.

I appreciate you have been on your own a lot and completely understand the need to have contact with people.  Hopefully, now things are opening up more in the UK you will be able to find other friends to spend time with.  I know it's not easy, especially when we still have to meet outside.

Thank you. Yes she is impulsive in many aspects of her life and always will be I think. I've already got lots of things in the pipeline now we can finally go out!

[GarnigoTarmeister]

I thought seeing as this literally started two years ago today I would post an update in the slight possibility anyone is interested or anyone is still on these forums who offered advice originally.

SUMMARY OF ORIGINAL SITUATION
After years of being single (and not bothered by it) in the summer of 2019 I met someone through the most bizarre set of circumstances. We made an instant connection and started dating and it was going really well. On Boxing Day afternoon 2019 she told me her first love had called her round to see her and told her his girlfriend has split up with him. She said it made her realise how lucky she was to have what she had with me and how well things were going between us and that she was ready to put on Facebook we were in a relationship. We were meeting the next day and she was going to introduce me to her kids.

WHAT THEN HAPPENED
A little bit later, on Boxing Day evening, her first love called her round again and told her he was in fact dying of cancer. She told me all these thoughts and feelings came out she never realised she still had and she didn't know what to do. 24 hours later she said she didn't have the capacity to carry on with what we had. A week later she was telling she loved her first love so much she wanted to marry him.

She gave me the option to cut contact, but I didn't. I couldn't believe what she was feeling for him was actual love, more shock/grief. I ended up supporting her through the next few months, as he died in March 2020, the week before we went into lockdown. I guess in my heart I thought she fancied me before (she drove everything originally when we first met), and that if I supported her and showed her what a good person I was she would want to be with me again. It didn't happen. We then went through a period of year from June 2020 to June 2021 where, with the exception of maybe 4 or 5 days, we spoke on WhatsApp video call every day, usually 2 or 3 times a day. She instigated 90% of the calls and I justified them to myself by saying it was good for me to speak to someone as I was in a lockdown for a lot of that period and live on my own, etc, etc.

As an aside, in September 2020 a guy who she had lived next door to when she was a young teenager reappeared in her life temporarily, she hadn't seen him for 20 years. He told her he had been in love with her for all that time, and he wanted to leave his girlfriend of 20 years to be with her. She told me she could see a future with him, and a week later was telling me they'd talked about having a private ceremony somewhere and writing their own vows to each other. He then started getting cold feet and eventually ghosted her.

Our period of speaking every day came to an end in June 2021 when a guy she met through a friend of a friend a couple of years ago got back in touch with her. They went on a few dates, got engaged in September and married earlier this month.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY
So many people said I needed to cut contact. I decided against that due to the pandemic/lockdown/telling myself I needed the daily contact with her. Since she met this new guy we went from talking 2/3 times a day, to talking maybe 2/3 times a month and it has been the best thing that ever happened to me. It is obvious now that the daily contact was doing me no good at all, and almost as soon as we stopped talking (after maybe the initial first couple of weeks) I felt so much better and I am in such a better position now.

Anyway I think writing this all down is some kind of closure for me, I can't believe everything that was about to start to unfold this time two years ago, I should have listened to you all!
 

[Weezy1973]

30 minutes ago, GarnigoTarmeister said:

Anyway I think writing this all down is some kind of closure for me, I can't believe everything that was about to start to unfold this time two years ago, I should have listened to you all!
 

Yup, just reading this thread for the first time, but I’d say you dodged a bullet. She seems extremely unstable. She was “love bombing” you at the beginning and seems she moves fast and impulsively with every guy. That’s a recipe for trouble.

[GarnigoTarmeister]

4 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Yup, just reading this thread for the first time, but I’d say you dodged a bullet. She seems extremely unstable. She was “love bombing” you at the beginning and seems she moves fast and impulsively with every guy. That’s a recipe for trouble.

Yep, I can't believe I didn't realise this initially. PS - I see you are from Vancouver, if I had never been to Vancouver, I probably would never have met this lady, your city inadvertently played a role in this story!