What's the importance of fathers?

[SuperHeroMan]

I always wondered what's the importance of fathers in a child's life. I can see why mothers are important. Women are socially and biologically programmed to be parents much more strongly than men are. Mothers are the ones that produce milk to feed to their babies. Also, mothers are the ones that are usually in charge of their babies and they assume that role early on. And also, women have "maternal instinct", in which I'm not sure if fathers have something like that or not (since I'm not a father). And also, children usually spend a lot more time with their mothers than they do with their fathers, and during that time, the mothers are usually taking care of the children. 

 

Also, most animals in this world are only taken care by their mothers and they don't have their fathers around at all. So why are human fathers important? 

 

 

[Art_Critic]

I'm an absolutely huge asset in my Son's life, my wife did take care of him while he was young I also took care of the things she couldn't or didn't, like I've changed hundreds of diapers, walks etc etc.

Today it's me taking him to all of his baseball practices, tonight it was me helping him do his homework and most nights it's me going over the Teachers blogs so he can do his homework. I just now told him he had to go take a shower and get ready for bed.. I play sports with him almost daily and help him with his pitching.

Tonight it was me making dinner, doing some grocery shopping

I am the only wage earner in my household so I have that responsibility as well and I pay all the bills that go with those responsibilities.. not that my wife doesn't do her fair share but this thread isn't about that.. it's about the fathers

I think if you ask my Son he won't tell you the I'm not important.. he will tell you how much he loves me and how much he needs me around...

There are tons more things but it's starting to sound like I'm having to prove how important I am and I don't need to do that.. I know my place in life, and it's as a Father

 

 

[Art_Critic]

I think the importance of Fathers is equal to that of the Mothers and many things overlap, while breast feeding is out but bottle feeding is NOT

 

[basil67]

The emphasis here needs to be on *good* fathers....not just any fathers.    There are bad fathers, just as there are bad mothers - so I will talk about good fathers only.

An involved father - one who is physically and emotionally present is a role model and who helps provide strength and stability to the children and family.   He teaches his sons to be the kind of good, kind and thoughtful man he is.   And he role models for his daughters the kind of man she should aspire to have as a partner.   If he also has a good wife, they role model to their children how a good marriage looks.   

There is also research showing that a young teenage girls with a present and connected father will get her need for male attention met from him (of course in an appropriate father/daughter way) which can delay her seeking it from other boys before she's ready.   

I would also suggest that in these modern days, men are far more active than raising children than they were when I was born.   My partner played games, bounced babies, changed diapers and cleaned up spew.  As my kids were mostly bottle fed, he did that too.   

[alphamale]

26 minutes ago, SuperHeroMan said:

So why are human fathers important? 

 

they provide resources (money) for the child and they show their sons how to act like a man and show daughters unconditional love and how to change a tire

[basil67]

Ah yes, my dad taught me to change a tyre and do a grease and oil change.  He also taught me to drive a car with manual transmission.

Edited January 14, 2020 by basil67

[nospam99]

In my family, and I've heard it said in general, (good) fathers teach their children how to behave in society .... how to show show respect for other people, how to participate in social activities, whether it be sports teams, the congregation, the PTA, or the local government.

[JTSW]

Fathers are just as important as mothers.

Some fathers can be just as maternal as mothers.

Some fathers can take care of their children just like a mother can.

[Mr. Lucky]

On 1/13/2020 at 6:02 PM, SuperHeroMan said:

So why are human fathers important? 

Well, let's start with the obvious - without the father's "contribution", no children...

Mothers and fathers each have different roles.  There's some overlap and many fine single parents, but ideally a child needs both healthy role models...

Mr. Lucky

[carhill]

On 1/13/2020 at 6:02 PM, SuperHeroMan said:

Also, most animals in this world are only taken care by their mothers and they don't have their fathers around at all. So why are human fathers important? 

Human offspring are vulnerable longer and take longer to mature than nearly all animals. Elephant babies come close. Besides the sperm part, fathers assist in safety and security.

[CAPITAL CROOK]

In order to really view the importance of not just Fathers, but Families, one has to look at and study individuals without them.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4127271/ <--- This is a very interesting read if one has the time, but I will simply copy/paste the conclusion for convenience:

This study demonstrates that, during early adolescence, which is crucial for youth development, the girls living with parents divorced/separated, in reconstructed families and with single parents have a 3-fold higher risk of suicide attempt. It fails to find such family disparities in SA risk among boys. It further shows that socioeconomic difficulties, school and mental difficulties, sustained violence, and unhealthy behaviors have high contributions to the SA risk for girls, and that the risk patterns associated with the covariates differ a lot between the girls living with parents divorced/separated and in reconstructed families and those living with single parents. These covariates also explain a great part of the gender difference in SA risk. Prevention strategies to reduce suicide attempt should focus on screening and monitoring school and health-related difficulties, especially among girls living in nonintact families with socioeconomic difficulties and poor social support, via physician-parent-school-adolescent collaborations. Our findings need however to be confirmed by further studies.

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3075408/ <--- Another similar study done, except this study focused more on adolescent drug use, again, I will just post an excerpt from the findings of the data (This one is actually worth a read through on the website):

On the basis of our findings, it is evident that 8th through 12th graders in single-parent families are at considerably greater risk for use of inhalants, marijuana, and amphetamines. Although the sex of custodial parent for boys in single-parent families is relatively uninformative with regard to drug use, a key finding from the data indicates that girls living with only their fathers are at significantly greater risk for illicit drug use than girls living with only their mothers. Across every category—inhalants, marijuana, and amphetamines—girls in father-only households used significantly more illicit substances than girls in mother-only or dual-parent households. Although prior research has found that youth from nonintact families might be more prone to deviant behavior such as drug use (Amey, and Albrecht, 1998; Barrett and Turner, 2006; Bjarnason et al., 2003b; Flewelling and Bauman, 1990; Hoffman, 2002), the refinement of the single-parent category is a novel approach not common to other studies of this nature. Considerable research is available to help answer the question how dual-parent families differ from one another by collapsing such a category into never-divorced/traditional, step-parent/remarried, and foster dual-parent families, yet the same scrutiny has failed to cross over into the single-parent domain. As such, little research is available that highlights how mother-only, father-only, neither-parent, widowed single-parent, sole-custody parent, and never-married single-parent households may differ. Just as not all dual-parent households are the same, it can be argued as well that not all single-parent households are the same. As data from the current study suggest, important variations do in fact emerge among different single-parent families. Despite long-standing interest in family structure, research continues to overlook the diverse nature of single-parent families.

 

https://www.fixfamilycourts.com/single-mother-home-statistics <--- Singe Mother Home Statistics as per Family Courts, done in 2012.

37.8% of single mothers are divorced, 41% never married, and only 6.5% widows. Brookings Institute, “Assessing the Impact of Welfare Reform on Single Mothers”, Part 2, 3/22/04

“The strongest predictor of whether a person will end up in prison, is that they were raised by a single parent”. C.C. Harper and S.S. McLanahan, “Father Absence and Youth Incarceration”, Paper presented at the Annual Meeting of the American Sociological Assoc., San Francisco, CA, 1998

In 1996, 70% of inmates in state juvenile detention centers serving long sentences, were raised by single mothers. Wade Horn, “Why There Is No Substitute For Parents”, IMPRIMIS 26, NO.6, June, 1997

The proportion of single-parent households in a community predicts its rate of violent crime and burglary, but the community’s poverty level does not. Source: D.A. Smith and G.R. Jarjoura, “Social Structure and Criminal Victimization,” Journal of Research in Crime and Delinquency 25. 1988.”

72% of juvenile murderers, and 60% of rapists came from single mother homes. Chuck Colson, “How Shall We Live?” Tyndale House , 2004, p.323

“After controlling for single motherhood, the difference between black and white crime rates disappeared.” Progressive Policy Institute, 1990, quoted by David Blankenhorn, “Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem,” New York, Harper Perennial, 1996, p.31

Growing up without a father could permanently alter the structure of the brain, and produce more children who are more aggressive and angry. Children brought up only by a single mother have a higher risk of developing deviant behavior, including drug abuse, new research suggest. Dr. Gabriella Gobbi, McGill Univ. and Francis Bamlico, Center for Addiction and Mental Health, publishing in the journal, “CEREBRAL CORTEX.”

“(I)n a recent study by the Baltimore-based Annie E. Casey Foundation. Comparing statistics for its Kids Count report, the organization reported that Detroit ranks No.1 in unmarried births among the nations’ 50 largest cities. Of the 16,729 babies born in Detroit in 1997, 13,574 were black, 1,679 were white and 817 were Hispanic. Seventy-one percent were born to unmarried mothers. This compared with a state average of 33 percent and a 50-city average of 43 percent.”

Detroit is the worst offender on our list of America’s most dangerous cities, thanks to a staggering rate of 1,220 violent crimes committed per 100,000. “By Thanksgiving, 2012, the city had surpassed the 344 homicides reported in all of 2011. As of Dec. 16, the city had recorded 375 murders.”

Single parents make up a third of Wisconsin parents, The Annie E. Casey Foundation reports. And according to a 2009 report from the US Census Bureau, there are approximately 13.7 million single parents across the U.S., with single mothers outpacing single fathers five to one.

Two thirds of all children murdered, are murdered by their mother. Source: U.S. Dept of H&HS website ‘Child Abuse Statistics by Relationship’ March 2013

“Girls raised without fathers are more sexually promiscuous, and more likely to end up divorced.” Wade Horn, “Why There Is No Substitute For Parents”, IMPRIMIS 26, No.6, June, 1997

70% of teen births occur to girls in single mother homes. David T. Lykken, “Reconstructing Fathers”, American Psychologist 55, 681,681, 2000

86% of American teen births are out of wedlock. Dr. David Popenoe, “The Future of Marriage In America”, Rutgers Univ., The National Marriage Project, 2007

“America has more than twice as many teenage births as other developed nations.” Isabel V.Sawhill, to House Committee on Ways and Means, Subcommittee on Human Resources, June 29, 1999

There are more than 400,000 teen births annually in the US, most of them to unmarried mothers on welfare.
National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

The public cost of births to teens 17 and younger is estimated at $7.6 BILLION per year. The children are more likely to be in foster care, less likely to graduate from high school, daughters are more likely to have teen births themselves, and sons are more likely to be incarcerated. Saul Hoffman, Univ. of Delaware.

70% of drop-outs, and 70% of teen suicides come from single mother homes. Wade Horn, “Why There Is No Substitute For Parents,” IMPRIMIS 26, N0. 6, June 1997

70% of runaways, 70% of juvenile delinquents, and 70% of Child murderers, come from single mother homes. Richard E. Redding, “It’s Really About Sex”, Duke Univ. Journal of Gender Law and Policy, Jan.1, 2008.

 

From that same website page: https://www.fixfamilycourts.com/single-mother-home-statistics The effects of Fatherlessness in Teenagers Statistics

63% of all youth suicides,
70% of all teen pregnancies,
71% of all adolescent chemical/substance abusers,
80% of all prison inmates, and
90% of all homeless and runaway children, came from single mother homes.
Bob Ray Sanders, “Hey Y’all, Let’s Fill The Hall (Of Fame), Ft. Worth Star Telegram, Oct.28,2007
Mona Charen, “More Good News Than Bad?”, Washington Times, Mar.16, 2001 (citing Bill Bennett, “The Index of Leading Cultural Indicators: American society at the end of the 20th Century., New York, Broadway Books, 1994)

Children brought up in single mother homes are:
5 times more likely to commit suicide,
9 times more likely to drop out of high school,
10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances,
14 times more likely to commit rape,
20 times more likely to end up in prison,
32 times more likely to run away from home.
Chuck Eddy, “The Daddy Shady Show”, Village Voice, Dec. 31, 2002

(see drop-out rates above)
The journal Health Affairs reported a five-year drop in the life expectancy of white females without high-school diplomas . White men without high-school diplomas had lost three years of life expectancy.
http://prospect.org/article/whats-killing-poor-white-women

600,000 out of wedlock births in 1979. Patrick Fagan and William H.G.Fitzgerald, “Why Serious Welfare Reform Must Include Serious Adoption Reform. Heritage Foundation Reports, July 27, 1995

In 2003, there were 1.5 Million unwed births, and less than 1% were put up for adoption. Fagan and Fitzgerald (above)

Less than 1% of children born to never married women were placed for adoption from 1989 to 1995. U.S. DHHS, Child Welfare Information Gateway, “Voluntary Relinquishment For Adoption, Numbers and trends, 2005

Only 4% of college graduates have illegitimate children, and only 16% of college graduates get divorced, compared to 46% of high school dropouts, who marry in smaller numbers to begin with. Dr. David Popenoe, “The Future Of Marriage In America; “The Frayed Knot – Marriage in America”, The Economist, May 26, 2007

50% of single mothers are below the poverty line, their children are 6 times more likely to be in poverty than children with married parents. Chuck Colson, “How Shall We Live”, Tyndale House.

85% of homeless families are single mother families. Barry H. Waldman and Stephen P. Perlman, “Homeless Children With Disabilities, “ The Exceptional Parent, June 1, 2008 (American Academy of Developmental Medicine and Dentistry

90% of welfare recipients are single mothers. Jason DeParle, “Raising Kevion”, New York Times, Aug. 22, 2004

Over 30% of families led by single moms are living in poverty, compared to 16.4% of families led by single dads. Amanda Hess, blogging at: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xxfactor/2013/09/19/

There were 3 million single mothers in 1970 and 10 million in 2003. U.S. Census, Table FM-2, All Parent/Child Situations, by Type, Race, and Hispanic origin of Householder, 1970 to 2003

More than one million British children currently live without a father, and have no adult male role models, a figure that is rising at a rate of 20,000 per year. In the Manor Castle ward of Sheffield, ENG. 75% of households are headed by a single parent, most commonly, a woman. Center for Social Justice(6/2013)

The illegitimacy rate went up more than 300% since 1970. House Ways and Means Committee, Nonmarital Births to Adults and Teenagers and Federal Strategies to Reduce Nonmarital Pregnancies, appendix “M”, 2003

The long-term health effects of broken families were often devastating. Parental divorce during childhood emerged as the single strongest predictor of early death in adulthood. The grown children of divorced parents died almost five years earlier, on average, than children from intact families. The causes of death ranged from accidents and violence to cancer, heart attack and stroke. Parental break-ups remain, the authors say, among the most traumatic and harmful events for children.
The Longevity Project ,By Howard S. Friedman and Leslie R. Martin
(Hudson Street Press)

 

 

 

 

[RecentChange]

Every day I thank my lucky stars for being blessed with an absolutely amazing father.

I spent much more time with him than I did with my mother while growing up. From day one, I always knew I was the number one priority in his life. He showed that through his love and dedication. He taught me not only morals, and hard work, but confidence, independence, how to find joy in the simple things in life – and to respect myself, and how to accept no less than good treatment from others. He and my step mother exemplify what a lasting, loving, happy, egalitarian relationship looks like.

My dad taught me to not worry about being “pretty” but rather be CAPABLE.

I watched my peers who did not have strong father figures in their lives struggle. Men who were either totally absent or married to their jobs. They sought unhealthy male attention. They lacked a certain level of confidence in themselves. They got into relationships with men who treated them poorly.  Back then their behavior was confusing to me, but as I got older, the picture became more clear.

My dad is rad, from sleeping in his car at my school – so he could drive me to private school while working night shifts. Dedicating every weekend and most evenings for years to my crazy horse obsession. Taking my friends who didn’t have fathers under his wing and showing them love while doing “dad things” like buying their first car, or teaching us how to fix things. To heading off on father daughter road trips to explore the county.

I am very lucky to have him, now he is being a shining example to a slew of grand kids in our family – and he is still doing the same stuff. Giving kids confidence, showing them that they are capable, always providing new experienced and opportunities for learning and wonder – and how to just be relaxed and happy in your own skin, and have appreciation for this wonderful life we have been given.

God I love him.

[skywriter]

Maybe I'm misguided in how I feel  father can contribute to a childs life. I've actully seen the difference in those that

grew up with positive father figures and those that did not. In boys and girls, I've seen how they were affected emotionally.

I had a long time friend that died suddenly at 33 years old and she left behind a 3 yr old daughter and a husband. The husband took their child to the grandparents and dropped her off and never came back for her. It was heartbreaking, she cried for her father and for years she would ask what she did wrong that her dad left her and had no interest. 

This is o nly one of so many examples I've seen first hand over the years. It's evident how children instinctively need, and long for affection, reassurance, overall love from both parents. I've always distinguished the difference in what my own children desired from myself, and their father.

It's quite evident the confidence and self esteem a loving, & proud father can provide a son or daughter. It can really change the course in how they have relationships in adulthood.

 

 

[jeff0011]

On 1/13/2020 at 9:02 PM, SuperHeroMan said:

I always wondered what's the importance of fathers in a child's life. I can see why mothers are important. Women are socially and biologically programmed to be parents much more strongly than men are. Mothers are the ones that produce milk to feed to their babies. Also, mothers are the ones that are usually in charge of their babies and they assume that role early on. And also, women have "maternal instinct", in which I'm not sure if fathers have something like that or not (since I'm not a father). And also, children usually spend a lot more time with their mothers than they do with their fathers, and during that time, the mothers are usually taking care of the children. 

 

Also, most animals in this world are only taken care by their mothers and they don't have their fathers around at all. So why are human fathers important? 

 

 

I feel mothers are more important up until a certain age.  Maybe 3. And I mean more important if they are staying home with the child. 
 

Technically kids will survive in foster care without any parent.  
 

My ex wife was not a bad mom at all, but dads are different.  When she moved for her new husbands job, the judge chose me to flip  custody. 
 

My son now has more resources.  Is drastically better in sports.  Better in school.  Class secretary. Fences. Plays tennis. Plays soccer. Perfect attendance. 
 

The mom was more like “well if I give my son love everything will turn out right”. But without a father, all of that ambition he has for the son, and things he will and can reach him are non existent. 

[sothereiwas]

20 hours ago, RecentChange said:

Every day I thank my lucky stars for being blessed with an absolutely amazing father.

I should do this every day as well, but I admit, I tend to take it for granted most days. When I'm reminded that not everyone was so blessed I am thankful though. Another thing, in all my years growing up I can only remember being aware of my parents having a disagreement once. I'm sure it happened more but I was only vaguely aware of it once, and I never saw them actually have a fight. I'm not a child raising expert but to me, setting an example like this seems like a pretty big deal.  

[Woggle]

They do matter despite what some people might say.

[Haydn]

Well...... (I have girls)

A massive capacity to create` Hot Wheels` tracks that venture into every room. Sadly now they are older, i do this by myself when i have an odd Sunday free.

The ability to listen to the most trivial problems, seen as the end of the world as we know it.

`I saw Danny talking to another girl` etc..... 

2 hours later i have restored the balance to the force and Danny is no more.

The skill of discussing pop lyrics which are frankly awful but are pure poetry to the girls ears.

Knowing important dates of periods etc.. 

Being a walking cash machine and realising 20 quid was a fortune in my day.

Having to drop them off miles away from where they meet their mates. Just in case they see a Britpop dressed Dad.

Asking me for permission to do stuff rather than Mum as i am easy to manipulate and am very slow on the uptake.

Hearing Radiohead blasting out of their rooms and knowing my work is done....

 

The list is endless and mostly rewarding.

 

 

 

 

[basil67]

That’s gold Haydn.  I love that she shares her dating woes with you.  Hubby’s job was done when she ate breakfast listening to The Cure and went to indie gigs on her own because nobody else liked her music.

Edited January 24, 2020 by basil67

[Banana Bender]

On 1/14/2020 at 10:02 AM, SuperHeroMan said:

Also, most animals in this world are only taken care by their mothers and they don't have their fathers around at all. So why are human fathers important? 

In nature there are many species that share care.  There are also many different species that lay eggs or give birth and never see their offspring again.
Also in many of those species you refer to, males procreate by killing their Opposition, then raping every available female.
So yeah, not sure "nature" is a great example to us.

[Banana Bender]

On 1/14/2020 at 10:02 AM, SuperHeroMan said:

I always wondered what's the importance of fathers in a child's life. I can see why mothers are important. Women are socially and biologically programmed to be parents much more strongly than men are. Mothers are the ones that produce milk to feed to their babies. Also, mothers are the ones that are usually in charge of their babies and they assume that role early on. And also, women have "maternal instinct", in which I'm not sure if fathers have something like that or not (since I'm not a father). And also, children usually spend a lot more time with their mothers than they do with their fathers, and during that time, the mothers are usually taking care of the children. 

I actually feel very sorry for you that this has been your experience.  Hopefully it will change for you if you become a father.

Yes, women are biologically suited to carrying babies for their 1st 9 months, breastfeeding thereafter, and in general terms woman are more nurturing on average.  But for those that have it, i can assure you that "Paternal Instinct"  can burn incredibly strong.
A lot of it isn't PC in today's world, but many fathers would kill, or lay down their own lives, to protect their children.

It's kinda sad that as a society we have lost our way, and far too often men are the abusers and attackers of women, rather than their protectors.

[SuperHeroMan]

On 1/22/2020 at 4:03 AM, JTSW said:

Fathers are just as important as mothers.

Some fathers can be just as maternal as mothers.

Some fathers can take care of their children just like a mother can.

How can some fathers be just as  maternal as mothers? 

[Art_Critic]

1 hour ago, SuperHeroMan said:

How can some fathers be just as  maternal as mothers? 

There are some men out there that have had to carry the mother role and or the fathers role and that alone makes them just as maternal.

ie: the mother dies at childbirth or shortly after and the father has to raise the child or same sex male marriages where they have children. Even some times in divorce where a female may not be the custodial parent or even have custody.

Those children in my experience are just as normal as any other child..

 

Edited January 24, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[vla1120]

I do know that growing up without a father (let alone a "good" father) had an adverse impact on my ability to navigate relationships with boys and men since I did not have a healthy relationship with any male figure during my formative years.

[PrimalInstinct]

No offense to anyone but to be brutally honest mother is, in ways, the more obsolete partner past the first 24-60 months of age & I say that as a woman. To paraphrase the OP many animals once the babies are weaned their mother is not needed anymore. But then the OP is wrong as many species raise their offspring in pairs including simple fish. 

Anyway

This is exemplified in earlier history how boys were often put in their father's or uncle's care from an early age to learn either the farm or the trade. Thus the predominant child care was simply a mother raising a girl, not the boys, and this could be duplicated by an all girls school or female tutor. Even in smaller towns or remote regions this still isn't uncommon today (my neighbor is a 63 year old who started chopping wood & driving the horses by 8). Throughout history, except for very few matriarchal cultures, most women are, in many ways, heavily dependent upon man. Though women could "make do" in historical times it was far easier for them to depend on a man in their household to provide food, shelter & protection and thus help raise offspring. 

Not only that but in ways men serves as more of a role model position than women. A father's interactions with his spouse teaches his sons how to treat their girlfriend/wife. A father's interactions with his spouse teaches his daughter how her boyfriend/husband is to treat her (as vla1120, no offense to them but they're a prime example, points out they had no real father figure & in a way knew no better regarding their unhealthy relationships with men while I having an excellent father figure as a woman have little to nothing to do with men outside of a set ideal). 

 

As for the mentality that women are more biologically prone to be nurturing than men that's nothing but a social construct. A caring or sensitive man in many societies is considered a "wimp", "sissy", "gay", etc. where society says that a woman is supposed to be caring & those who aren't are "messed up".

If it was a true sexual related trait no man would be capable of keeping pets because they'd all die of neglect (yet there's men who are incredibly caring & nurturing to wildlife even), no man would be capable of maintaining a green lawn or impressive garden as some do (such tasks require patience & care not throwing seeds in the air & hoping something grows), and single fathers would never be able to raise well adjusted children (but they certainly do). Nor for the matter would the Aka tribe in Africa exist - where women hunt & men serve as babysitters taking care of children in everything except breastfeeding. 

Edited February 6, 2020 by PrimalInstinct

[snowboy91]

Traditionally, fathers have been important for providing for the family and for stability, as the "stronger" sex. I think it's still seen as important up until very recently.

In this age of equality though, I can understand why the importance of fathers is questioned given mothers are more able to do the providing than they historically have been. Although the ability to provide to the family, as well as bringing a very different knowledge base (often more problem solving/mechanically based, but obviously it varies) is still very important. Not to mention that raising children is incredibly time consuming, so I doubt anyone can argue that having both parents there to share the load is helpful for everyone.

As for parenting instinct, I've heard that women have that instinct kick in either when the biological clock starts ticking, or during pregnancy, and for men it kicks in as soon as they see their newborn child. I believe the part about men - I've heard a lot about guys who didn't care about kids until the day the baby is born , after which they go into full dad mode.