Should I be angry, concerned or neither if bf did not tell me he brought a gun to my house?

[basil67]

1 hour ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said:

FYI OP, if you live alone in a rural area, you are pretty much the prime target of a home invasion/burglary. With this being said, you should have your own fire arm and know how to use it.

Really?  My rural friends leave their homes unlocked because it's so safe out there.   Suburban dwellers are much more at of burglary.   Sorry, off topic...but your comment really surprised me.  

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

23 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Really?  My rural friends leave their homes unlocked because it's so safe out there.   Suburban dwellers are much more at of burglary.   Sorry, off topic...but your comment really surprised me.  

You know who are the most likely people to rob you? Your friends. They know your schedule, your habits... It kills me when people announce to their friendslist of 400+ friends that they are going on vacation for 2 weeks.

Suburbs have cameras EVERYWHERE. You cannot walk 100 yards in most suburbs without being on some sort of camera.

[Happy Lemming]

You don't bring guns into someone else's home... period.

A couple of years ago, I was selling a home (For sale by owner) and an acquaintance (old co-worker) was interested and wanted to tour the home (that weekend).  I told her and her boyfriend I was going to be out of town and left a key under the mat so they could look at the home.  When I came home on Sunday afternoon they were there, which was no big deal, but the boyfriend had brought his gun and had placed it on top of my refrigerator while they toured the house. I flipped out.  I asked him to come retrieve his weapon and move it to his vehicle.  Once I knew the gun was out of my home, I threw them both out and screamed at them they had no right to bring a firearm into my home.

To the OP, once this guy left, I would tell him "We are done, don't come back".

[basil67]

3 hours ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said:

You know who are the most likely people to rob you? Your friends. They know your schedule, your habits... It kills me when people announce to their friendslist of 400+ friends that they are going on vacation for 2 weeks.

 

Nice friends you've got there. 

[Daisydooks]

I live in Canada, so my opinion may be a bit more uptight than some.

Gun laws here are much more strict than in the US so my response may be a bit over the top given your state laws. 

 I have to ask how uneasy it made you feel OP? You made a post about it here so I have to assume you are not comfortable. Is this something youre comfortable with? What was your first thought? What did you think after you slept on it for the night? Do you feel uneasy or do you feel safe with a gun in your home? Ultimately, it sounds like he didnt disclose he had it and that is the bigger issue. Why didnt he ask first? Why didnt he tell you when he arrived? Has he told you before he always has his hand gun on him and maybe he assumed you knew he had it if "he always carries?"

There is never a time where this could happen legally here so it would be a very quick ending to our relationship if it were me. Its foreign to me to be so lax about guns. 

You simply cant walk around with a handgun and ammo all willy nilly in the same bag just sitting next to the couch or bed. If this were Canada, he would need to have his gun in a safe, a lock box to keep ammo locked in separate from the gun and a trigger lock on the gun. I am not even entirely sure it would be legal to have his gun anywhere but a range or at home where the police know where to find him/his gun.  You simply arent allowed to be so carefree here so it would make me so angry and uneasy. I dont have close friends with guns.

I will ask that you take my advice with a grain of salt given my uptight opinion. Haha I would genuinely be so uneasy though. Maybe it's normal there but it's not normal here. Normal here is locking your guns up properly, locking your ammo away separate from your guns, and also having a trigger lock on said gun. 

[Daisydooks]

17 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Nice friends you've got there. 

Statistics don't lie. Nice friends everyone has. Lol. Most times when robbed, it is someone the family/person knows. They werent speaking about their friends necessarily.  They were speaking about all of us, as we are all more at risk of being robbed by people who are close to us/who know us and our whereabouts, as scary as that sounds. 

Edited January 14, 2020 by Daisydooks

[basil67]

I just looked online and I can't find any stats which support the statement that most break and enters are done by people known to the victim. Nor can I find stats which support the claim of rural properties being more at risk.  

Edited January 14, 2020 by basil67

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

I just looked online and I can't find any stats which support the statement that most break and enters are done by people known to the victim. Nor can I find stats which support the claim of rural properties being more at risk. 

Back in the day when I worked with young offenders in England I would draw a map with them and point out how they were victimising their own community, often their own families. They would say things like 'I'd never rob my own' type thing, but often that's exactly who they were stealing from.

Saying that, The Guardian newspaper once dropped 100 wallets all over the  UK, every single one was handed in intact to a police station. Most people are proud to be honest and responsible.

There was a study done some years ago when I was at college which demonstrated that property crime and violent crime are related inversely, I don't remember it becoming mainstream though. But it was one of the first things I saw moving to America, we lived in small town Arkansas and the doors were unlocked and the official crime rate was very low but I said what about the hidden crime? and sure enough a young child of a friend was raped soon after that. It wasn't just a nasty crime, it was the response of the churches and community, sweep it under the rug, we don't want to address issues like this. 

The parents of that child took in an older child from prison too, she had answered the door with a gun and it went off killing the boy outside, my friends didn't agree with a teenager going to prison/being held responsible for the firearm. Which brings us back to the OP's topic. I don't think it's uptight to not want guns around and I certainly don't. Gun deaths are way out of control in America and we are so used to mass shootings here it's unreal. Violence begets violence, but also- just how easy it is to have an accident then ruin a bunch of lives.

 

[ajequals]

I guess the Bottom line is this. a gun is a tool ,in America. it keeps us free compared to any other country because they exist, some use it for protection some for pleasure but a gun never killed anyone ..people are responsible for that ..So the question that should be asked is does his character make you feel safe to be with him?  All of us have read many post on here about men that are not in that category ..where does this man fall?

Edited January 14, 2020 by ajequals

[schlumpy]

7 hours ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said:

You know who are the most likely people to rob you? Your friends. They know your schedule, your habits... It kills me when people announce to their friendslist of 400+ friends that they are going on vacation for 2 weeks.

 

I would modify that a bit and say friends who blab a lot. Friends who brag to strangers about your ten thousand dollar stereo and recording setup or forty thousand dollar hummel collection. Those are the friends you have to worry about.

[schlumpy]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

I just looked online and I can't find any stats which support the statement that most break and enters are done by people known to the victim. Nor can I find stats which support the claim of rural properties being more at risk.  

That's because they aren't really close friends. They are the friends of your friends or the current boyfriend or girlfriend of your friends that were brought to a party and they like to talk about you and what you own to someone they just met and are trying to impress. The perps are hard to apprehend because the connection is so tenuous.

You would have to wall yourself off to avoid it, so don't lose any sleep.

The rural areas in the states used be unlocked door territory but drug addicts have radically changed that. People who live in rural areas but work in the city are a soft theft target compared to farmers who maintain a constant presence at their property.

Edited January 14, 2020 by schlumpy

[sothereiwas]

9 hours ago, Daisydooks said:

You made a post about it here so I have to assume you are not comfortable.

Actually, if you read the OP she seemed to be uncomfortable with her BF not fully disclosing something to her, and she further states she's OK with firearms in her home if they are kept responsibly. Those statements are made explicitly in the OP. It doesn't seem to be the firearms themselves as she also explicitly states she knew already that he was a firearm owner and kept dating him. 

They've only been dating less than 6 months I guess, so if this is a dealbreaker she should let him know now, that's my advice. That and if it's NOT a dealbreaker, have the BF take her to the range; it's a great sport, give it a shot no pun intended. 

[kendahke]

How do you feel about him lying by omission? It's still lying. What else is he going to leave out from the truth in the future?  That says more about his personality than him owning unlicensed guns.

Edited January 14, 2020 by kendahke

[sothereiwas]

1 minute ago, kendahke said:

That says more about his personality than him owning unlicensed guns.

In most of America there is no such thing as a gun license, so all firearms are legal and unlicensed. The only exceptions are a very few states, whose laws are probably going to get overturned in the SCOTUS eventually. She also stated she doesn't mind guns in the house as such, so why mention that?

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

I just looked online and I can't find any stats which support the statement that most break and enters are done by people known to the victim. Nor can I find stats which support the claim of rural properties being more at risk.  

Most burglar types will case their quarry before they ever make a move, find out their schedule, when the best time to break in is and where all the camera's are... There are no statistics on this, because this is something called "Logic". Logic is defined as reasoning conducted or assessed according to strict principles of validity. The principle in question when it comes to the burglar, is not getting caught, by camera, witness or by owner, Logically, people who live in the suburbs have a level of innate protection against burglars that people who live in rural areas do not, that being the fact that there are more people, more cameras and potentially more witnesses, in a suburb, rather than a rural area.

Yeah, unfortunately some things do not require statistics, because they are kind of obvious when you employ logic to determine the outcome; like for example, the statistic that 2+2=4... Well, we do not need a statistic to find out how many people believe that, because we have mathematics to determine that. 

This link https://burglarfreezone.com/burglar-deterrents/burglars-choose-victims/ Details the strategies that a more sophisticated burglar would need to employ in a suburb that, for the most part, would not need to be used in a rural area. 

Edited January 14, 2020 by CAPSLOCK BANDIT
The gram

[carhill]

20 hours ago, Worriedornot said:

What is the right thing to do?  For example, should I say something or not and if so, what?

In general, concealed is concealed. Someone carrying or transporting concealed should take steps to maintain that state. As to your home, your home your rules. If your home is a gun-free zone, communicate that. People who respect you will respect that. Discontinue associating with people who don't respect you.

Funny anecdote, we were standing around deep frying a turkey in the back yard when a friend's wife set off the smoke detector in the house and it tripped the automated alarm to the fire station and up rolls the fire chief and an engine company (big house) and a cop to secure the premises. We hear the sirens and the backyard empties of guys and we roll out there to see what's up and every last one of the guys (not me, I'm not local) was wearing a pistol on his hip. This was in Apex, NC, a suburb of Raleigh. No one even noticed, not even the cop. Women roll out with some turkey day (yup it was Thanksgiving) food to feed the fire guys and we stand around cracking jokes and someone asks 'who's watching the turkey?' Ha..... still have video of that day. Fun times. That's a place where guns are widely accepted and conspicuous. That varies widely.

[Daisydooks]

1 hour ago, sothereiwas said:

Actually, if you read the OP she seemed to be uncomfortable with her BF not fully disclosing something to her, and she further states she's OK with firearms in her home if they are kept responsibly. Those statements are made explicitly in the OP. It doesn't seem to be the firearms themselves as she also explicitly states she knew already that he was a firearm owner and kept dating him. 

They've only been dating less than 6 months I guess, so if this is a dealbreaker she should let him know now, that's my advice. That and if it's NOT a dealbreaker, have the BF take her to the range; it's a great sport, give it a shot no pun 

I also stated - "Ultimately, it sounds like he didnt disclose he had it and that is the bigger issue." 

I'd think if she wanted to shoot guns, she would have asked to go already and when I read her post, I didnt get the idea she knew exactly how to feel about any of it. If he is generally honest, why omit this? She seemed to battle with this because he has been "honest" for 5 months. I didn't get the idea she was comfortable. If she was, she wouldn't have posted here. 

She didn't come here to brag. This interaction gave her pause enough to post 

Edited January 14, 2020 by Daisydooks

[major_merrick]

There's no such thing as "lying by omission."  That's leftist crap.  If she doesn't want guns in her house, post a sign!  That's the legal way to do it, at least around here.  Of course that marks you as a disarmed target, but it is her right to be an unarmed victim if she wants to be.  People shouldn't be obligated to turn out their pockets or open their bags for inspection.  People seem to be treating a legally-owned and carried firearm as if it is a bag of cocaine or a rattlesnake or something.  It isn't.  

At least in my world, you ASSUME that everybody has a gun on them.  Because they probably do!  I went for my mid-pregnancy ultrasound recently, and the women were comparing compact pistols in the waiting room.  Nobody got shot, and we had a good time.  Local imaging clinic has a gun locker outside the MRI facility - the safety risk there is pistols being attracted to a really big magnet.   A few businesses in town are posted "no guns" and people who carry just don't spend money there.  Pretty simple.  If the OP's boyfriend is from an area where guns are a normal part of life, why would he even THINK about mentioning it?  He probably just assumed it was fine the way everybody else around him does.

Edited January 14, 2020 by major_merrick

[PRW]

I don't own any right now due to the anal exam my state wants to put you through, although when I retire and move to a more friendly state that should change.  However if my older sister comes over to my place there is most likely a Glock in her hand bag.  She was Navy Law enforcement for 20 years, was a part-time County Deputy while also simultaneously in the Navy, and her last year in the Navy was at Gitmo in Cuba guarding terrorists, then she went back one more year at Gitmo as a civilian with DHS and one of the other 3-letter organizations in some kind of special arrangement. After permanently coming home she worked as a guard in a women's prison,...which could be worse then the terrorists

So I think she knows what she is doing.

[PRW]

17 minutes ago, major_merrick said:

There's no such thing as "lying by omission."  That's leftist crap.

I like you.

Quote

At least in my world, you ASSUME that everybody has a gun on them.  Because they probably do!  I went for my mid-pregnancy ultrasound recently, and the women were comparing compact pistols in the waiting room.  Nobody got shot, and we had a good time.

I want to move there.  Have an extra room?

[Allupinnit]

Lying by omission is now a political leaning?  LOL. Lying by omission simply means you left out a key part of the truth on purpose.

OP - how do YOU feel about it?  Deep down?  It doesn't matter what the laws are, or gun rights, etc.  so take all of that noise out of your mind and pay attention to what your gut is telling you.  If you feel uncomfortable with a gun in your home, then tell him that.  If you're uncomfortable with his not telling you about it, then tell him that too and see how he responds.  The most important thing is that he respects your feelings in your own home, REGARDLESS of the issue, be it that, or smoking on your property, or leaving his dirty clothes on the floor.

[elaine567]

Lack of respect for you, and he deliberately mislead you into thinking he would not be bringing the gun as he had found out it was "illegal".
Not a person you can trust going forward.

[PRW]

19 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Lack of respect for you, and he deliberately mislead you into thinking he would not be bringing the gun as he had found out it was "illegal".
Not a person you can trust going forward.

I wouldn't come to that conclusion.  I'd consider the illegality of it challenged constitutionally. Yes, there are rumblings that businesses for example cannot tell you that you cannot carry because they don't have the authority to block a person's constitutional right, and the business may be liable if the person is hurt or killed because they weren't allowed to defend themselves.  Him not telling her he had it was not a serious thing. For myself, there are just some things that a woman (or anyone) doesn't get the privilege of telling me I can't do it,...so I will just do it without telling them..

[sothereiwas]

20 hours ago, Allupinnit said:

Lying by omission is now a political leaning?  LOL. Lying by omission simply means you left out a key part of the truth on purpose.

There has to be the element of intentional deception, but sure, lying by omission can be a thing, and I believe the OP indicated that was the thing that was worrying. 

 

19 hours ago, elaine567 said:

bringing the gun as he had found out it was "illegal"

There is no evidence he broke any laws, so far. In fact the available evidence says he researched the applicable laws, probably so as not to be in violation. He has a carry permit, and people who break the law don't tend to get carry permits, and if they are caught breaking the law don't generally qualify for one. There is actual research that says statistically carry permit holders are about 7x more law abiding than police and something like 135x less likely to commit a crime than the general US population. If anything his possession of a carry permit is a character gold star. 

The deception is probably the thing to deal with, along with any lingering issues around differing opinions between them about the firearms hobby that might exist. 

[elaine567]

Yes he researched and HE concluded it was "illegal", whether it was is moot, he still decided despite  apparently finding out it was "illegal" to take the gun anyway into the OPs property.
By doing his "research" and informing the OP of the result, he mislead the OP into thinking he was not taking his gun.