Should I be angry, concerned or neither if bf did not tell me he brought a gun to my house?

[Worriedornot]

My bf and I have been together about 5 months and during that time, he has told me he has a gun collection and in the past has done some shooting (for sport of course). Recently, he asked how I felt about is he brought one of his guns to my home when he stays here for protection (I do live in a rural area and there is little if any security). Before I could give an answer he looked up to see if he gun carrying license was legit in my state and it was not he said. So I really never said yes or no.  Truthfully, if he tells me the truth and leaves it really secure I don't mind it since I have no children or others in my home.

when he was leaving yesterday and getting his stuff together he inadvertently opened a bag and it was the gun with some ammo and he said to me "I shouldn't have lied to you". Not, I never asked if he had a gun and he never offered that info but thus far, I have found him to be very honest and open.

What is the right thing to do?  For example, should I say something or not and if so, what?

 

[smackie9]

Hey if you don't like being around firearms, and especially don't like them in your home, then say so. It's your place your rules. Now if this relationship gets to the point you are living together, you will have no choice but to accept him and his gun collection.

BUT since this is a hobby, why not get your gun license and lean to shoot, and maintain firearms? Something you both can do together.

[preraph]

I wouldn't want a man I only knew five months (not well enough to see him at his worst) to have a gun around me.  Some people will use them when they get mad at you, and don't minimize that!

[sothereiwas]

5 minutes ago, preraph said:

I wouldn't want a man I only knew five months (not well enough to see him at his worst) to have a gun around me.  Some people will use them when they get mad at you, and don't minimize that!

Also, don't forget to apply that to knives, hammers, and large heavy sports equipment like baseball bats and golf clubs. Can't be too careful!

Edited January 13, 2020 by sothereiwas
Phrasing

[preraph]

Just wait until you see what he's like when he's really mad or really drunk, and really, that can take two or sometimes more years.  

[nospam99]

@sothereiwas. I hope you are joking. Anything can be a deadly weapon.... garden tools: spades, shovels, forks, hoes, scythes, cultivators, loppers .... I think I could take someone's arm, leg or head off or cut them in half in ten seconds with a pruning saw https://media.tractorsupply.com/is/image/TractorSupplyCompany/1023387?$456$

[sothereiwas]

1 minute ago, nospam99 said:

I hope you are joking.

I was more going for sarcasm but joking works also I guess. 

[FMW]

That's a question you have to answer for yourself.  I grew up in rural gun culture, so I understand it, but I've never been a fan and definitely understand the flip side of not wanting them around.  It's a personal decision on what your tolerance will be.  It's also important to decide if you trust this particular guy to be responsible and safe.  

When my dad died, my mom gave me a few of my dad's guns.  I accepted them, and then sought training and have spent time at shooting ranges to practice.  I also took the class and have a concealed carry permit, although honestly I doubt I will ever need it.  But I decided if I was going to own guns I needed to have all the training I could get to be safe and responsible.  And my mostly liberal friends are always kind of shocked when they find out. 

     

[Miss Spider]

Guns are one of contentious things that cause an almost cause a visceral reaction in some people. No one can really tell you how to feel. Since he is your bf I would assume you trust him to be responsible with a firearm, but if you don’t want it around you or your children period then you should let him know. 

 

This reminds me of an OLD I had with this guys.  Second date to go walk on a bridge at night. We’re in his car and he pulls out a massive handgun unholstered and puts it on his belt. scared the bajeezus out of me. Obv. Yours situation is a bit different because you know your bf better 

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, Worriedornot said:

he looked up to see if he gun carrying license was legit in my state and it was not he said. 

I don't like guns but if anybody brought an illegal firearm into my home that would be the last time that person was allowed in my home or within firing distance of me.   If his license wasn't valid for him to transport that gun across a state line there is no way I would continue to date him. 

Do you understand the concept called constructive possession? In your home his gun is deemed to be legally within your control.  If it's illegal for that gun to be there, you open yourself up to criminal prosecution.  

 

As has been pointed out, guns are controversial subjects.  But for him to ask, not wait for an answer then show up with it, that screams disrespect.  I could not tolerate such a person.

Edited January 13, 2020 by d0nnivain

[d0nnivain]

Gun permits are by state.  She said he looked his up & it was NOT valid in her state.  If that is true, he really can't carry across a state line into her state.  

As I said I hate guns but seriously I would flip if some guy I barely knew tried to make me deal with a gun in my home that he didn't have the authority to bring there.   

If the licenses are all in order then it's a personal choice.  

[sothereiwas]

24 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I don't like guns but if anybody brought an illegal firearm into my home that would be the last time that person was allowed in my home or within firing distance of me.   If his license wasn't valid for him to transport that gun across a state line there is no way I would continue to date him. 

I don't mean to be offensive, but without knowing which state(s) were involved it's impossible to know if this was illegal or not. I'd guess, unless you have that additional locale information and are not sharing, that you're just displaying legal ignorance on this subject. No insult intended or attack made, ignorance is OK, as long as it's not willful. There is no federal law against merely transporting a legally owned firearm across state lines unless the firearm in question is an NFA restricted item like a silencer or SBS, etc. but in general no 'license' is required to transport a firearm between states. In the case of an NFA item, the feds must be made aware of travel plans but there is still no additional license beyond the required federal tax stamp. 

State laws vary by state. 

In fact the applicable federal laws actually lean in the direction of protecting the rights of people who are transporting otherwise legal firearms interstate in some cases. 

 

18 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

If he has a carry license, he likely carries his gun wherever he goes. If his permit is not valid in your area, that does not mean he cannot carry the gun to your home, it just means he cannot carry it on his person if you go out in public. You can still legally transport a firearm and carry it in a home. 

This. The fact that it was in a bag and that he checked the carry laws tends to make be think that he was probably following applicable laws, but there isn't enough info given to know for sure. 

 

As for the question of trust, if he was able to get a carry permit in his state, this makes him more, not less, vetted with regard to things like domestic violence and criminal background,  and the same goes for the 7743 form he had to fill out for each firearm he bought from an FFL holding gun dealer. 

Edited January 13, 2020 by sothereiwas

[sothereiwas]

2 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

 

Delete

Edited January 13, 2020 by sothereiwas

[basil67]

I think he showed a great deal of disrespect to bring a gun into your house without first seeking permission.   However, he has apologised, so I guess he knows he was out of line.  I'm not sure I would accept the apology, but I am not of your culture.

If you do accept the apology, the cat is now out of the bag.  It's your house - your rules.   How do you feel about him bringing guns onto your property/into your house in future?

[sothereiwas]

1 hour ago, Worriedornot said:

So I really never said yes or no.  Truthfully, if he tells me the truth and leaves it really secure I don't mind it since I have no children or others in my home.

 

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

How do you feel about him bringing guns onto your property/into your house in future?

 

I could be wrong but I think that's been addressed?

[basil67]

Yes...but the OP asked the question despite seeming to have an answer in her head.  Makes me think the answer needs a bit more kicking around to clarify.

[d0nnivain]

Just now, sothereiwas said:

I don't mean to be offensive, but without knowing which state(s) were involved it's impossible to know if this was illegal or not. I'd guess, unless you have that additional locale information and are not sharing, that you're just displaying legal ignorance on this subject. No insult intended or attack made, ignorance is OK, as long as it's not willful. 

The OP started the post by saying that the gun owner checked if he had valid authority to carry in her state & HE SAID that he did not.  I assume that if he's a responsible gun owner that he knows how to look up what he can & can't do.  After he looked it up & he concluded that it was not within his authority to carry in the OPs state, he brought the gun anyway.  That is where I freaked out. 

[sothereiwas]

3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

The OP started the post by saying that the gun owner checked if he had valid authority to carry in her state & HE SAID that he did not. 

"To Carry" in this context is not at all the same as 'transport into the state'. To carry in the context of checking for carry permit reciprocity means concealed carry, not mere transportation.

Google "concealed carry reciprocity" for more info.

 

[d0nnivain]

Just now, sothereiwas said:

"To Carry" in this context is not at all the same as 'transport into the state'. To carry in the context of checking for carry permit reciprocity means concealed carry, not mere transportation.

Google "concealed carry reciprocity" for more info.

 

Then how did he get it from his house or wherever he kept it if he doesn't have the proper carry permit in her state?   That's my point.  That if there are regulations around guns, at minimum they need to be honored.  

[sothereiwas]

1 minute ago, d0nnivain said:

Then how did he get it from his house or wherever he kept it if he doesn't have the proper carry permit in her state?   That's my point. 

Well, she said it was in a bag. That's not concealed carry, that's transportation, and I'm not making this up - you can check some randomly selected state laws if you want to check it out. It's also perfectly legal to transport legally owned firearms on an airliner as long as they are in compliance with applicable TSA regs in your checked luggage, by the way. 

 

[lurker74]

We're getting caught up in gun laws. There are plenty of sites for that, so let's just agree that a) he probably has a right to own the gun, b) he is licensed to carry a pistol concealed in whatever his home state is, c) being in possession of a gun outside of his state may or may not be illegal (most likely legal unless he was in California, New York, or New Jersey and the gun ran afoul of their state laws).

Regardless, I am confident that @Worriedornot isn't asking about gun advice. The question is, should she be concerned that her BF did not disclose it ahead of time. That answer is...MAYBE. If they are close enough that he knew or should have known of her dislike for guns (however reasoned or unreasoned her dislike is), then yes...he did something inappropriate, for which I think he apologized. To me, absent other evidence, that should be enough to move forward with the relationship, with both sides making it clear where their firearm lines are drawn.

I do discount the idea of seeing how he is when he's drunk. If he ever holds a firearm while drunk, he is a danger regardless of anything else, so I don't think I'd use that as a litmus test anymore than I'd see if someone beats me when he or she is drunk. If I am that lacking in confidence about his maturity, I'm probably gone already.

[major_merrick]

If he's not a felon, you shouldn't have a problem with this!!!  Should he also have to disclose what's in his wallet, on his keychain, or in the tool kit in his car?  A gun is a tool, and its usefulness depends on the character of the user.  If you can't trust him with a gun, you can't trust him with a hammer or to eat with a steak knife at your table. 

For me, I wouldn't date someone who would have issues with me having a gun.  I have one on me pretty much 24/7, and when I'm asleep it is next to the bed.  Love me, love my guns.  I'm so thankful for a husband and GFs who are as pro-gun as I am. 

BTW, if you ever expect to have a long-term relationship with this guy, that means you'll end up living together.  Which means there will be guns in your house.  The time to figure out if you like this is NOW, rather than later. 

[Ellener]

I'm English first and we don't use firearms any more as law enforcement etc ie it's not the social norm, so for me, NO HELL NO there won't be guns in my home or personal space.

The fact he didn't tell you first is what to worry about, because you're not on the same page on this issue probably.

 

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

FYI OP, if you live alone in a rural area, you are pretty much the prime target of a home invasion/burglary. With this being said, you should have your own fire arm and know how to use it.

 

 

 

 

[schlumpy]

It's your home and if you don't want firearms on the premises then that should be that. I don't find it amusing that he might be ignoring state gun laws. That's not what being a responsible gun owner is about.