sooooohurt Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Ok so I’m only on day uuurrrmmm 1 of NC, (initiated by me), I sent a text message saying ‘ If something makes you feel really sad instead of the slightest bit happy, then it has to be over, and this has made me sad for years’ like a lot of people here there has been so much to-ing and fro-ing, have been thru this b4 for 8 mnths (he initiated it that time) until we literally bumped into each other and started all over again, I have read on here someone saying that when he came back the second time he was cold, well that’s how it was for me too, (unless I had romantisied notions of how it was b4), but he made me feel like a whore, This hurts!!!! I just wanted to say Hi, and well done to everyone who is on day 5 or 6, and I will be looking for support here if that’s ok and try to help those I can, although I don’t think that I’ll be much help at the moment.
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 I will be looking for support here if that’s ok and try to help those I can, although I don’t think that I’ll be much help at the moment. Welcome aboard. Be strong. I understand about it hurting right now - I was an emotional wreck on this day too. But it hurts less as time goes on. And no contact gives you a chance to heal and move on.
Art_Critic Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Welcome ...Pull up a chair and stay a while..
Author sooooohurt Posted October 4, 2005 Author Posted October 4, 2005 Hi Reluctant – How long have you gone NC now? And how do you feel now???? Hi Art Critic – Have been reading your posts it will really help me to get a male perspective on things. Thanks guys I know this sounds weak, but after speaking to him everyday nearly every hour I don’t know what to do with myself, I know he’s better at this than me, (hence the 8mnths) which really bugs me out, I doubt he’ll even realised Ive initiated NC yet apart from I ignored a call last night. Small victory, but it felt good.
Art_Critic Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Sometimes it's the small victories than win the war.. Keep yourself busy and avoid all the normal things like places you guys used to eat that would bring up memories.. Try and find something that you enjoy to do and do it alot
NTB Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 join the club we have jackets........ don't worry it all pays off in the end
newbby Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 sooohurt, at last! somebody who seems to have had a similar relationship as i did! he would go from being really warm to being cold and making me feel like a whore too. i was about to begin nc, then he did and is cold as ice. havent spoken to him obviously as doing nc, but have seen him and he looks at me coldly as anything. as though he was not the one trying to do anything he could for the last 7 or 8 months to get me to continue. i crumbled once, and then he treats me like a piece of dirt. its horrible. i feel so bad right now. listen, theres a bunch of us doing nc, the 'october crew'. why not join us, we are all helping each other. my guess is, like my xmm, he thinks he has you, the second time around and once he thinks he has you, he doesnt bother being nice an sweet anymore. thats what happened with me this time around. well, he was nice an sweet till i caved, that is.
Author sooooohurt Posted October 4, 2005 Author Posted October 4, 2005 I think that the hardest thing for me is trying to get it into my head that this cant be temporary, regardless of what happens now, he has treated me so badly that he cant have respect for me. He obviously isnt going to leave his W, and she knows he has been unfaithful and is still there.
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Hi Reluctant – How long have you gone NC now? And how do you feel now???? 8 months... with the exception of a brief professional phonecall back in July. I feel a lot better. Still miss her a little some days, but most of the time I'm a lot better. The improvement started when NC started... contact with her after immediately the breakup just messed me up.
Author sooooohurt Posted October 4, 2005 Author Posted October 4, 2005 Hi newbby!!! That is exactly it!!!! He initiated NC After 8 mnths bumped into him, and as soon as he had me back, Gone went all the promises and the lovey dovey talk, just literally wham bam thankyou mam. Id love to join the October lot!!! If anything writing it down stops you writing to MM. Isnt it weird how they all say and do the exact thing, do they take certain people aside at school and teach them ‘how to have a ema in 10 easy steps’. But still cant bring myself to block e-mails like I said hes better at this than me. If I get to a week Im buying myself some new shoes….. Reluctant - 8 mnths that’s brilliant!!! Think that deserves a new car!! But so glad its helping you, when I went 8mnths b4 it still hurt but please don’t make my mistake and go back, another year of my life wasted
newbby Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 sooohurt, i know its really hard to block them, but, believe me it is better to get out as soon as you possibly can. this whole same thing happened to me. after a period of about 4 months nc, which he initiated, but before that it was very on and off anyway, we began talking again. i wanted to keep contact, but not to continue the a. for a while it helped me because he was trying to get me to continue seeing him and i was able to say no, which felt good. however over a long time, he gradually wore me down. they are very good at that! one moment of weakness on your part, any period of time when other things arent going too well, and he will be on your case harder than ever. its really difficult and unless you have an iron will, i reccommend just getting him out of your life forever. having said all of that, i do know how hard it is, and it is not good to do something completely that you arent ready for. yes of course, join the october crew, we will be glad to have you!!
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Reluctant - 8 mnths that’s brilliant!!! Think that deserves a new car!! That's not such a bad idea actually... although it probably won't be a car - mine is still good but please don’t make my mistake and go back, another year of my life wasted Thanks for saying this. Anything you can add to this? It's a good reminder... if she recontacts me (which I think is likely at some point), I don't want to weaken.
Author sooooohurt Posted October 4, 2005 Author Posted October 4, 2005 Just that nothing changes, the reason you initiated NC to start off with will be there. If she didnt leave the first time she wont leave at all, and if you cave she will think its ok to behave the way she does because your going to be there for her whenever she needs you, no sorry whenever she wants you. Im gonna think about this somemore I think............. when I went back it was the worse thing i did, all the initial respect had gone, maybe because he realised I was there whenever he clicked his fingers i would be there.... gotto go will be back on tomorrow
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Just that nothing changes, the reason you initiated NC to start off with will be there. Hmmm. Just to play Devil's advocate - the reasons we fell in love will still be there too. when I went back it was the worse thing i did, all the initial respect had gone, maybe because he realised I was there whenever he clicked his fingers i would be there.... Now that's a compelling argument. gotto go will be back on tomorrow Have a good evening!
Author sooooohurt Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 Hi everyone, Day 2 of NC, really struggling, maybe slight hangover from couple glasses of wine had last night, but these were the times he and I both new I was at my most vulnerable (never liked to show any kind of vulnerability around him) and he loved it!!!! Felt good this morning, wanted to tell him how well I was doing’ with NC (I know twisted logic). Oh well goodbye my friend. I mourn who he was when we were friend’s b4 the BS started, and mourn how we perceived each other to be, before it got ugly. I know I’m sorry this doesn’t make much sense, you see this was ruined long b4 now, when I let him come back, so guess i've been mourning for a while, but thought it better to write here than try work out and write to him. Does anyone else get ideas popping into there heads like ‘we can be friends Ill just give him a call’ and that bloody a$$ probably hasn’t realised I’m not talking to him yet……. Aaaaarrrrggggghhhhh. I just want to tell him he made me feel like a cheap whore. Do you think this is a bad idea? Because hes so arrogant he’ll think oh shes keeping away from me cos she cant handle how she feels about me……… Picked a bad day to quit smoking
newbby Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 lol, yes i know how you feel. if i were you, dont give him anything. nothing at all. this is not what i did though, but regret it now. as for friendship, i tried it, dont bother. it gives him the opportunity to play mr nice guy with you again.
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 I just want to tell him he made me feel like a cheap whore. Do you think this is a bad idea? Emotional and hungover, yes. For now, stick to NC. When you're feeling a little better, you can do the confrontation thing. If it still seems relevant.
Author sooooohurt Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 lol yeah I thought better of that also, especially as im only on day 2, like I said he probably hasnt realised that im doing NC yet without blowing it already!! How are you doing?
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 How are you doing? Good thanks. Still processing lessons learnt from the thing with Juliet, but it's going well. How are you doing?
Author sooooohurt Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 He just e-mailed totally ignoring the text i sent him and making idle chit chat, I havent replied Im trying to stick with this!!!!!!
Sunset Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 any reply you make will ruin the hard work, nc means nc, we have all fallen off nc wagon ant then been mad at ourselves after. You very rarely get the response you are after anyway so why open up the opportunity - they then think 'oh i am obviously irresistable, sex god..whatever... because even though I am being a 'put your own word in' she still comes back to me' Don't give him the satisfaction.... If you are tempted make yourself a coffee, have a cig whatever and think about it, make yourself wait an hour before responding, hopefully by that time the 'tempted to text' moment has passed and you will no longer want to.
whichwayisup Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Think of yourself first. Don't even think of how or what he thinks/feels. Right now all that counts is you don't keep intouch with him. Do as many draft emails to him, but DO NOT SEND it! Get the thoughts out of your head, read it and then you'll feel better. Atleast it's down on paper and not bubbling up inside your head. You can do this, be strong. I know you're hurting. With that in mind, go out with girl friends! Have FUN! The less time you think about him, the easier it will get to not care about him. Hope this helps!
legrtova Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Entering day 2 of NC in 26mins. I'm pathetic...hehe. How are you doing, Soooohurt?
Author sooooohurt Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 Hi legortova, Day 3 not so bad now I feel ok today, didnt sleep very well tho, I thought I'd pose a question for everyone......... What are your reasons for NC, and what do you hope will come out of it? Oh and what do I do if he comes to my door????
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