max3732 Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 On an OLD site I matched with someone and after a few messages asked her out. She wanted to do a call first and during the call she asked how long I've been on the site and about my experience with it. I told her I've had some good and bad experiences and explained some of the issues. After the call she agreed to go out with me. Should I have mentioned I met someone on it that I've gone out with 3 times and have another date planned? This is kind of uncharted territory for me. The last woman I dated broke up with me after a handful of dates and I wouldn't have met the one I'm currently seeing had I not continued dating when I was seeing her.
alphamale Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 dude, go to the grave with this information. when with a particular girl never bring another girl into the picture 4 1
Trail Blazer Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 No way should you say that. If you've been on three dates with a girl and you're still courting other women, then you're clearly not interested in pursuing a relationship with her. Conversely, if you tell girl before your first date, that you've been on three dates with another girl, it will not end well at all. By all means multi-date until you find the one you wish to be in a relationship with. That's what I did - I dated countless women for months until I found a good one. 2 1
Miss Spider Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 No I don’t think so. Not really her business. She should sort of assume you are going on dates with people because that’s kind of the point of being on there. 2
Zippy2000 Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 Well, you could tell her the truth and say to her what you`re doing. Although that said. It makes it comes across if you`re a serial dater and might put her off as you are seeing other people at the same time. Also shouldn't you be paying attention to the person you have a had a 3rd date with? Isnt exactly fair on her is it? 1
alphamale Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 1 hour ago, Zippy2000 said: Well, you could tell her the truth and say to her what you`re doing. Although that said. It makes it comes across if you`re a serial dater and might put her off as you are seeing other people at the same time. Also shouldn't you be paying attention to the person you have a had a 3rd date with? Isnt exactly fair on her is it? My opinion Z2K is that he can date as many chicks as he wants at the same time as long as he isn't sleeping with any of them 1
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 If you are both still using the app you met on after 3 dates i would say dont take that situation too seriously in the first place 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 You're technically not obligated to tell her, but you should definitely share this info before any physical intimacy becomes involved. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 On OLD everyone would do well to assume the other person is multi-dating. Beyond that there is no need for a disclosure. Even if you aren't multi-dating, there is still no need to announce that. The only thing you can't do is lie or mislead the other person into thinking that they were the only one you are dating if you are multi-dating. 4
smackie9 Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 It wouldn't be wise to assume you are not dating others and vise versa.
Author max3732 Posted January 13, 2020 Author Posted January 13, 2020 4 hours ago, Zippy2000 said: Well, you could tell her the truth and say to her what you`re doing. Although that said. It makes it comes across if you`re a serial dater and might put her off as you are seeing other people at the same time. Also shouldn't you be paying attention to the person you have a had a 3rd date with? Isnt exactly fair on her is it? Of course I'm paying attention to the person I've had 3 dates with. We have plans to go out twice this week.
Author max3732 Posted January 13, 2020 Author Posted January 13, 2020 3 hours ago, alphamale said: My opinion Z2K is that he can date as many chicks as he wants at the same time as long as he isn't sleeping with any of them The only thing physical with the one I've gone on several dates with is holding hands and a goodnight kiss. 1
kendahke Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 17 hours ago, max3732 said: Should I have mentioned I met someone on it that I've gone out with 3 times and have another date planned? No. You're not in a relationship with anyone, so that's information they aren't entitled to. If and when you do decide to pick someone, just let those who didn't make the cut that you're no longer available, but wish them well. 1
alphamale Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 2 minutes ago, kendahke said: If and when you do decide to pick someone, just let those who didn't make the cut that you're no longer available, but wish them well. come on kendahke, I personally would never do that 1
MsJayne Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 If I've misinterpreted your post, I apologise, but......... basically, you're leading the first woman on while you continue looking for someone more suitable. You're not really interested in the first woman, so why are you wasting her time going on more dates? Hoping to sleep with her before you ditch her and move on to the next one? This is why OLD stinks, it's full of people who treat others with disregard and disrespect. If you're into multi-dating, put it on your profile. Make it clear that you're not prepared to focus on one person and get to know them, that way you're not wasting the time of people who are looking for a genuine relationship. 1
Trail Blazer Posted January 14, 2020 Posted January 14, 2020 7 hours ago, max3732 said: Of course I'm paying attention to the person I've had 3 dates with. We have plans to go out twice this week. Then dude, what is your endgame here!? You'll have gone on five dates with this woman, yet you're still multi-dating? I actually think you should tell her what you're doing. That way, she can move on of her own volition and not be lead on. I went on three dates with a girl and realized that after the third date, my inclination to still want to use dating apps told me all I needed to know. So, I did the right thing and told her what she needed to know, which was that I didn't wish to pursue her any longer. Please do the right thing and tell her you don't see things progressing any further. It's unfair to her to lead her on like what you're doing.
Author max3732 Posted January 14, 2020 Author Posted January 14, 2020 1 hour ago, Trail Blazer said: Then dude, what is your endgame here!? You'll have gone on five dates with this woman, yet you're still multi-dating? I actually think you should tell her what you're doing. That way, she can move on of her own volition and not be lead on. I went on three dates with a girl and realized that after the third date, my inclination to still want to use dating apps told me all I needed to know. So, I did the right thing and told her what she needed to know, which was that I didn't wish to pursue her any longer. Please do the right thing and tell her you don't see things progressing any further. It's unfair to her to lead her on like what you're doing. My endgame is to find someone to marry! We've gone on 3 dates and I'm not sure about her yet. Maybe she will be one, maybe not. Like I said before last time I went out with someone 3 times she broke up with me when I went to schedule the 4th after leading me on for 2 weeks. Others have said everyone is multi-dating unless you have conversation about being exclusive. That's my question here. When do you become exclusive? Some here have said if you have a conversation about it or are sleeping together.
Miss Spider Posted January 14, 2020 Posted January 14, 2020 If you feel like youre both showing same (high) level of interest Then you ask can ask the question hey are we exclusive or hey are you my bf or gf
Trail Blazer Posted January 14, 2020 Posted January 14, 2020 4 hours ago, max3732 said: My endgame is to find someone to marry! We've gone on 3 dates and I'm not sure about her yet. Maybe she will be one, maybe not. Like I said before last time I went out with someone 3 times she broke up with me when I went to schedule the 4th after leading me on for 2 weeks. Others have said everyone is multi-dating unless you have conversation about being exclusive. That's my question here. When do you become exclusive? Some here have said if you have a conversation about it or are sleeping together. Where is she at? Do you think that she believes you two are fast headed into a relationship? Of you get the idea she's flaky, I can kind of understand. However, at the same time, if you're looking for someone to marry, then I couldn't imagine why you'd be wasting your time if you didn't see something in her worth persisting with. Perhaps not everyone is like me, where I pretty much know after the second or third date whether I'd be keen to continue seeing that person or not.
Author max3732 Posted January 14, 2020 Author Posted January 14, 2020 15 hours ago, Trail Blazer said: Where is she at? Do you think that she believes you two are fast headed into a relationship? Of you get the idea she's flaky, I can kind of understand. However, at the same time, if you're looking for someone to marry, then I couldn't imagine why you'd be wasting your time if you didn't see something in her worth persisting with. Perhaps not everyone is like me, where I pretty much know after the second or third date whether I'd be keen to continue seeing that person or not. To tell you the truth I'm not sure. If I'm not interested in someone I tell her. It seems like now you think things are going great and then the other person just disappears or sends a text breaking it off. I haven't had a real relationship in a while and am trying to get there.
Trail Blazer Posted January 15, 2020 Posted January 15, 2020 4 hours ago, max3732 said: To tell you the truth I'm not sure. If I'm not interested in someone I tell her. It seems like now you think things are going great and then the other person just disappears or sends a text breaking it off. I haven't had a real relationship in a while and am trying to get there. So, you do like her then? But yet, you're dating other girls still? It seems like you've got hang ups about being discarded, based on past experiences. I emplore you to dig deep and ask yourself, "Do I see a future with this girl?" If the answer is yes, then do the right thing and explore exclusivity with her now that you've already gone on three dates, and intend on going on at least two more. As I've said prior, you should know by the third date whether you wish to pursue something more meaningful. It's clear that you do, but you're scarred from the past and, as a result, you're dating additional women just for insurance. As secure man would know that OLD isn't going anywhere. If this chick you're seeing blows you off down the track - go back to OLD again. Just don't become the very thing that scarred you in the first place. Deep down you would have to know that she deserves better. I certainly know that if I was dating a chick who seemingly was enthusiastic about me after the third date, with two more dates planned, but found out she was also still dating others, I'd walk. Either she's a priority or just another option. You can't have it both ways. Unless you know she's doing the same thing as you, i.e. still multi-dating, you need to decide fast how you wish to proceed.
thefooloftheyear Posted January 15, 2020 Posted January 15, 2020 (edited) On 1/13/2020 at 5:59 PM, MsJayne said: If I've misinterpreted your post, I apologise, but......... basically, you're leading the first woman on while you continue looking for someone more suitable. You're not really interested in the first woman, so why are you wasting her time going on more dates? Hoping to sleep with her before you ditch her and move on to the next one? This is why OLD stinks, it's full of people who treat others with disregard and disrespect. If you're into multi-dating, put it on your profile. Make it clear that you're not prepared to focus on one person and get to know them, that way you're not wasting the time of people who are looking for a genuine relationship. While I agree with you, that's not the sentiment I see bandied about on this site...My guess is we are probably close to the same age, so the concept makes no sense...to us anyway.. Most of the time its women saying that they can date or sleep with anyone they want and not tell the other person, as long as there is no "declaration of exclusivity".... I think its nuts, but hey, what the hell do I know? TFY Edited January 15, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language 2
Zippy2000 Posted January 15, 2020 Posted January 15, 2020 (edited) On 1/13/2020 at 5:28 PM, max3732 said: Of course I'm paying attention to the person I've had 3 dates with. We have plans to go out twice this week. Evidently you are not if youre asking questions about someone else your dating. Keeping your options open and dating other people isn't really paying attention to the one person you like. The person your dating with 3 dates and your seeing somone else. Not exactly fair for her and wear her shoes. How would you feel? Edited January 15, 2020 by Zippy2000
Zippy2000 Posted January 15, 2020 Posted January 15, 2020 On 1/13/2020 at 11:59 PM, MsJayne said: If I've misinterpreted your post, I apologise, but......... basically, you're leading the first woman on while you continue looking for someone more suitable. You're not really interested in the first woman, so why are you wasting her time going on more dates? Hoping to sleep with her before you ditch her and move on to the next one? This is why OLD stinks, it's full of people who treat others with disregard and disrespect. If you're into multi-dating, put it on your profile. Make it clear that you're not prepared to focus on one person and get to know them, that way you're not wasting the time of people who are looking for a genuine relationship. Agree with this. Asked the OP to focus or pay attention on the woman he dated on 3 dates. OP says he is but then goes on to ask about another person he is dating. Im not into this multi dating as you can loose sight of a potential if your mind if focuses elsewhere. Its also not fair on the other people. For example. Mulitdate 4 people then you need to stop that as you owe 4 people a relationship 1
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