Author desert1982 Posted January 12, 2020 Author Posted January 12, 2020 12 minutes ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said: High value is a mindstate This is what I know he has. And honestly, that's enough for me. I know that he will be high value one day.
smackie9 Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 (edited) He might think he's just friend zoned and this was confirmed by one of his friends on NYE. That could be why there is a shift. Edited January 12, 2020 by smackie9
Author desert1982 Posted January 12, 2020 Author Posted January 12, 2020 12 minutes ago, smackie9 said: He might think he's just friend zoned and this was confirmed by one of his friends on NYE. That could be why there is a shift. It's possible.
Author desert1982 Posted January 12, 2020 Author Posted January 12, 2020 I sent him the message. I couldn't hold myself back . It's just a semi-flirty message saying that we should get together. I'll see what he says back.
Foxhall Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 I do feel your pain funnily enough, I understand that whole dynamic been dependent on other people be it romantic or just friendships and well getting rejected by them, you have done nothing wrong here, you have indicated your interest and he is well aware of that, the ball is in his court really, nothing more you can do , Id advise keep looking for other potential boyfriends, keep looking for other friends, dont get into a situation whereby you are dependent on one or a few people, at least not until your in an established relationship, this guy clearly has a few options and you are just one of those, you have to think in the same terms. 3
Author desert1982 Posted January 12, 2020 Author Posted January 12, 2020 I've decided that if my message doesn't get the ball rolling again, then I'm blocking everywhere. I have to block. If I keep him on my friends list anywhere it will torment me. It's the only way I can move on. So yeah. I'm ready to block. I also have a suspicion (because I know him) that he doesn't want me to block him. It's going to be a sad thing. What a waste of a good thing we could have had.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 I think you're jumping the gun a bit assuming it's all about to fall apart. You don't know what's going on in his world right now; it's possible it's not about you. For what it's worth, the text you sent him most recently sounds fine. You will know soon enough if he's interested in picking things up again. 2
Author desert1982 Posted January 12, 2020 Author Posted January 12, 2020 9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I think you're jumping the gun a bit assuming it's all about to fall apart. You don't know what's going on in his world right now; it's possible it's not about you. For what it's worth, the text you sent him most recently sounds fine. You will know soon enough if he's interested in picking things up again. Yeah. Just bracing myself.
Saracena Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 I think you've done enough from your end at this point. Now I would pull waaay back and see what happens on his end. The ball is well and truly in his court. I most certainly wouldn't block him though, just leave things as they are. 1
Author desert1982 Posted January 12, 2020 Author Posted January 12, 2020 (edited) Hmm. He texted me back almost immediately and said that maybe we can get together soon. He'll let me know. His friend has been in town. Is this a good sign or what? The "maybe" is what makes me wonder. Maybe I was overreacting? The friend being in town makes sense. I know his friend works in another state. And they're close friends. And I'm even acquaintances with him. Edited January 12, 2020 by desert1982
elaine567 Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 The "reason" is frankly immaterial. He has gone cold and distant and that = rejection. No point in chasing as he is just not interested. IF he was interested he would be all over you, calling, texting, arranging meet ups and dates... Interested people act interested. 2
Author desert1982 Posted January 12, 2020 Author Posted January 12, 2020 1 minute ago, S2B said: No, it’s not a good sign. Thank you. I already responded to him and basically just told him no thanks (not in those words) before I made my comment. It just felt off. Sigh. I honestly feel mentally unstable when it comes to this dating stuff. And I honestly feel like trying to lobby in Washington about dating/relationships being taught as mandatory curriculum in schools so humans can better understand each other. 1 1
Author desert1982 Posted January 12, 2020 Author Posted January 12, 2020 2 minutes ago, elaine567 said: The "reason" is frankly immaterial. He has gone cold and distant and that = rejection. No point in chasing as he is just not interested. IF he was interested he would be all over you, calling, texting, arranging meet ups and dates... Interested people act interested. I agree. I'm already somewhat over it. I feel light now. Like I can rest and move on. 1
Author desert1982 Posted January 12, 2020 Author Posted January 12, 2020 I know that it must seem so easy to say "just find someone else". But people have no idea how hard it is for me to find someone. I do have social anxiety pretty bad. And I'm a hermit. It takes LOTS of hard effort for me to find someone. It's not easy by any means. For a lot of women it is, but for me it has never came naturally. So that's what sucks most about it.
CLS63AMG Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 He met someone on new years or an ex came back into the picture 3
Author desert1982 Posted January 13, 2020 Author Posted January 13, 2020 3 hours ago, S2B said: So do new actions - in order to get a different outcome! doing things the same won’t brings you new results - you must get willing to get past your fears! Yeah, I know. I know how to do it, it's just very hard to do. It's always by chance when I meet guys. It's never when I put out an actual effort. An actual effort never works for me.
MsJayne Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 My guess is he met someone on NYE. Given that you "expressed feelings" you have every right to question him. You have nothing to lose but that annoying feeling of having been treated with disregard.
Author desert1982 Posted January 13, 2020 Author Posted January 13, 2020 Thanks everyone. He's in invisible on the game we play right now. In all my time I've known him, he has NEVER done this. Should I just remove him from my friends list or remove him from my friends list with an explanation?
serene53 Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 Don't, please. As long as you don't know for certain what's going on in his life there is no need for such actions. It's mostly been guesswork so far.
JTSW Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 Before you go doing anything hasty like removing or blocking, you need to ask him straight whats going on. Ask him to just be completely honest with you because you don't want to waste your time. You deserve a straight answer. You have nothing to lose. 1
irregular guy Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 I'm probably the last person you should listen to on this sort of thing, but... here's my opinion. Don't expect him to read your mind. Tell him, exactly how you feel and what you want from him. Then, either he'll accept the offer or he won't. You've known him for a year, I think he'll be fine with the honesty. Just tell him. Don't make it complicated, when it really should be super simple. Just tell him. 1
stillafool Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 14 hours ago, desert1982 said: Thank you. I already responded to him and basically just told him no thanks (not in those words) before I made my comment. It just felt off. Sigh. I honestly feel mentally unstable when it comes to this dating stuff. And I honestly feel like trying to lobby in Washington about dating/relationships being taught as mandatory curriculum in schools so humans can better understand each other. Unfortunately attraction can't be taught. It's either there or it isn't. It basically simple, when someone is interested in you they let you know. Maybe people can be taught how better to accept rejection. 1
Jet8419 Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 Depending on the type of personality he has, some guys are just too preoccupied with their family over Xmas and NYE to be texting someone they’ve just started dating or casual. I am dating someone who did something similar too, texted me a Xmas greeting gif on Christmas Day, then disappeared until 2 Jan to text me a “HNY my dear!!” and resumed texting conversation. But knowing him, he’s not a good texter and does get busy with work and studies, so I don’t worry about why he’s not texting back for hours or days and just leave him alone. Eventually he always texts back regardless of how many days he took. I don’t know what your guy’s personality is like, but just saying there are some guys who are workaholics too and do forget about replying when they get really caught up with work. You should give him space and time to respond instead of bombarding him with messages. If you don’t hear from him in a month, then obviously he’s not that interested, but if you still hear from him within a couple of weeks, there’s still hope.
elaine567 Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 29 minutes ago, stillafool said: Maybe people can be taught how better to accept rejection. Agreed, this is such a common problem all over this board. Rejection = you walk away,, you accept it is over, you move on, they are not worth another minute of your time. Rejection ≠ you hang around pining, you do not accept it, they are wrong for rejecting you, you spend hours, days, weeks, years obsessing over it... 1
Miss Spider Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 (edited) Sorry it seems like he’s not that interested. He might be avoiding you so as to avoid giving the wrong impression Edited January 13, 2020 by Cookiesandough
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