Lovisa 12 Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 I am seeing a guy since 2 years but is has never turned into a serious relationship as we agreed in the beginning that we would just date and see where it goes. I agreed to it as I was afraid that I am going to loose him when I tell him I want a serious relationship. I did the mistake to let him take me for granted and do not really make any efforts for me anymore. He knows I am always there for him. 6 weeks ago he told me that he does not want to meet up at the moment and then two weeks later when I asked him again he told me that it is complicated but he is kind of seeing someone else. He does not know what to do or what the future will bring. He said it might be something special with that girl and he wants to give it a try. But he does not know what the future will bring and what to do about us. I was very shocked and told him that I was not very happy anymore either and had the feeling our relationship got stacked and that I can understand that he wants to give the other girl a chance. I told him that he is a very important person to me and that for know we should take a break and give each other time and distance so we can focus on our lifes. And that I would also try to give other guys a chance as he was holding me back from meeting other guys. To this he replied only very short and cold. That he wishes me a good new year too and have a nice Christmas. Since then we have not talked and I am doing a 30 days no contact phase. But I am sooo afraid that with saying that our relationship dis not fulfilled me anymore either and that I was not that happy with him anymore ( it was mainly because he did not make any effort anymore) I am so afraid that I pushed him closer to the girl and now he made up his mind that he should definitely try it with the girl and do not give us a chance anymore. What do you think?
Calmandfocused Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 I think this is the best thing that could have happened... for your sake. You’ve done a classic: agreed to a “half relationship” with boundaries and parameters that you’re unhappy with, in the hope he’ll eventually realise your value and give you the relationship that you want. This very rarely happens. What actually happens is they have their cake and eat it, and continue to use you whilst you keep hoping and praying for something that never comes. its over, time to move on and stop letting this guy use you. in future, never agree to terms of a relationship which you are not happy with. If they want you just for good times only, refuse and tell them to jog on. Don’t settle for less than what you want and deserve. 2
smackie9 Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 OK "see where it goes" should only be maybe a couple of months at the most not 2 years! The reality is, he never had any intention of taking your arrangement any further. There is no chance for you as harsh as that sounds, but it's true. Ditch this guy, you just wasted 2 years waiting for nothing. 4
FMW Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 You didn't push him away - he distanced himself purposely. After two years, not only was he not willing to be exclusive with you, but he wants to see how things go with someone else. Time to cut ties for good. Hopefully at the end of 30 days of NC you will figure out that you don't need or want contact period. Think honestly about how he's treated you and let yourself get a little mad and don't let him string you along anymore. 1
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 at least he is honest with you, but yeah, you have to force some people to respect you or they will not.
Springsummer Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 Quote I told him that he is a very important person to me and that for know we should take a break and give each other time and distance so we can focus on our lifes. Why? you obviously are not very important to him, why did you say he is very important to you? not fair. I would not give someone the satisfaction of that should take a break? he already gave you a break! time and distance? he already did. 1
stillafool Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 Block him for good. He is already in a relationship with another girl and said he wants to see where it goes; which also says he really likes her. You don't want to stick around for that do you? He can't give you anything but a half ass friendship which you don't need.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 It's beyond time for you to let go, OP. You can't push away someone who is already taking a lot of space from you of his volition. He just isn't interested. If he wasn't trying to commit to you after 2 years, it was never going to happen. You were his fall-back girl while he kept his options open for someone else, and he's now met her. He is concentrating on someone else and you are just not a priority. You need to stop wasting your time and emotional energy on him. Trust me when I say he's not thinking about you half as much as you are about him. It's a new year. Focus on doing better for yourself in 2020.
JTSW Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 Smackie is right. He never had any intention of entering any kind of exclusive relationship with you. You were just something to pass the time. You were never important to him so don't hold him as any importance to you. 1
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