Blind-Sided Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 Hi All, So... I know I made a post a while ago about "Getting back on the horse", and at that point... there was a few friends who wanted to set me up. Also... about a month ago, I went to lunch with a friend, and her newly single friend for a simple introduction. I made a post on that called "Needed ego boost." That day was a lot of fun, and there was Zero expectations as her friend was also newly divorced, and was just looking for someone else to talk to about it. (and I wound up getting surrounded by other women trying to set me up with people. LOL) Anyway... a couple nights ago, I was invited out to be introduced to another woman. But this time it was in the evening, for drinks, and dinner. Also, it was my friend, and her husband, and me and this woman. So, it felt like "Couples Night" right off the bat. I could tell she was a little nervous, so I tried my best to talk with her to help her become herself. The entire night was a lot of fun. The conversation didn't stop, and she was a very nice person. Since I have known the other couple for a very long time... we talked about "Stuff" more than we talked about ourselves. (As would happen on a blind date) So, I didn't get to know a lot about her... but I did find out her situation was similar to mine, but she has been divorced much longer. We are almost the same age, and she has a solid carrier, and is fanatically stable. With that said... something just didn't feel right, and I really don't know why. She was fairly attractive, and easy going, and has a lot going for her in life in general. But, it almost felt like I was cheating. FYI... my ex basically left me over a year ago, and the divorce has been legally final for 5 months or so, but I'm guessing that my brain is still wired to be a faithful person. It wasn't like I was worried, and I really didn't want the night to come to an end. (but I had to get my oldest kid from her friend's house) So... it's not like I felt I needed to get away. There was just something in the way of having a connection happen. I talked with a neighbor about it, as she was also divorced, and now remarried. And I talked with a member here in private who said he also had a similar situation happen to him. Anyway... any input would be appreciated. thanks.
smackie9 Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 (edited) IMO interacting with someone new is exactly what you needed. One step at a time and that feeling will go away...you are simply adjusting to your new dating life...go for it! you are finally getting there. You will be fine. Edited January 12, 2020 by smackie9
Ruby Slippers Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 I've always read that it takes a good solid year to fully heal after a divorce. I personally wouldn't attempt to date until at least a year had passed. I went on one date with a guy who'd been divorced less than a year, and he so obviously wasn't ready. It's unlikely to work out until you're truly ready, making it a waste of your energy and theirs. 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 You aren't ready to seriously consider a new romance, it seems. If you're going to casually date to have your needs for companionship/intimacy met, PLEASE let the other person know up front you're only looking for friendship/something casual at this point.
FMW Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 It's normal, you haven't had enough time to detach mentally and emotionally from your ex. Keep going out casually (and as has been mentioned be clear about that with the other person) and you'll eventually come to terms with things and be able to truly move on. I would say it would take at least a year, but probably more before you feel free and single. Since lots of people want to set you up, just make sure that they are telling the women that you are just dipping your toes back in the water, so to speak. 1
Author Blind-Sided Posted January 12, 2020 Author Posted January 12, 2020 Thanks all, and I think everything above is correct. I'm guessing time isn't actually a factor, it's more of a "Finding a new normal" thing. What I'm thinking... if I sat in my house, and didn't go out at all for that first year... I would still feel something was wrong on that first date. I'm thinking it's a... keep going out, and get use to the new situation thing. (Like jumping into a cold swimming pool) Just an update... I was invited to lunch today again. I was going to go, but my kid was having fun with one of her friends... so I decided to not drag her away from that. Also, to give myself a little time to decompress. As suggested above... I will reach out to the girl I saw on Friday night, and let her know that I may not be ready for anything other than a friendship at the moment. I did reach to my friend the morning after, and explained how I felt (She was the one who set us up) so I'm sure she has already talked with her. Thanks again. 1
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