Springsummer Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 Shouldn't people meet after talking for awhile online? why give each other's phone numbers and move to texting using the phone before even meet? what happen after meeting and not liking each other? just delete and block each other's numbers?
smackie9 Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 I think giving each other's number is a matter of trust. It's a dangerous world out there, full of predators and scam artists catfishing. Some on here want to actually "talk" on the phone first and see how that goes. Ya I get it, it's a different world out there but I see their point. You can't really go by photos and a profile that most time can be embellished/misleading. People don't want to waste time meeting up with very little info about that person. 2
SumGuy Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Springsummer said: Shouldn't people meet after talking for awhile online? why give each other's phone numbers and move to texting using the phone before even meet? what happen after meeting and not liking each other? just delete and block each other's numbers? For me, yes meet in person in a safe place, where either person can discretely end it early if needed. So not a movie or anything where there is an hour commitment to being there. If you end up not connecting after meeting the nice thing to do is just say so, that your not feeling that connection and move on. You can block and delete if you like but if they are a decent person you shouldn't have to. As a man I never ask for her phone number up front as you can basically find where someone lives from it. We usually message on-line, a week at max before i ask to meet and she usually gives me her number so can text on the coordination to meet. I'll text the day before to say looking forward to seeing her (a soft way to confirm) then when leave to go to the place, then when there if she is not to basically say at the bar, etc. If we had lively messaging conversations may carry those over to the phone but usually dial it back a bit once plan to meet (try to set a date not more than 4 days out) as we are going to meet and talk in person. Before meeting I give her my full name so she can google me, which adds some comfort as my pic is out there professionally along with awards, etc. I'm pretty old school in that I think the only way to get a real feeling for someone is to meet them in person. Phone to me is the worst as taking to someone you have never met in a personal social context can be very awkward over the phone without visual cues and a knowledge of their vocal cues, it basically screens for people who are goo d over the phone, like boiler room guys For me the screen is the profile and then the messaging. There really is no substitute for meeting though and if you can't take an evening to meet someone who peaks your interest why are you doing this? Instead get a match maker if it is a "waste of time." Seriously, if you pic a good venue, like nice brew-pub, restaurant bar, you have a drink and if it is all bad leave after the first drink, or first drink and appetizer. Have planned a friend to call or text you if you need an excuse. You can set it up before hand and let them know you need to get up early the next morning, so if you leave after an hour or two it is no shock. In fact almost all the women I have went out with have had such a text come in (often legitimate) but I don't begrudge them that and in any event none of them have ever left on me. I myself never cut and run, I give it a couple hours and leave at a normal break off point. Edited January 12, 2020 by SumGuy 3
scooby-philly Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 I try to go by the 2 - 2 - 2 rule. 2 weeks max talking online. 2 weeks max talking offline. 2 weeks max till first date. Now I know that seems like it could add up to 6 weeks, but I would need a real good sense of things and a good reasons to wait that long for a first date before I would accept 6 weeks from first contact to first date. It's more a guidepost to help keep you on track and avoid people not into you, who are just playing game, who are actually not single or maybe too fresh out of a relationship to actually start dating again, and to avoid those who just want to chat with people forever. Some other rules of thumb I've tried before and it seems to work (in terms of the early stages, not saying this leads to marriage lol): If you're a guy, if a woman doesn't offer her number after 2 weeks of good conversation ask her how she wants to continue off the site - email, kik, snap, what's app, or phone #s. Always meet in a public place first. Coffee shops are a great place year round. Warmer months - do something a little bit active - mini-golf, a walk, etc. - somewhere where you can get a good, uninterrupted conversation going. Don't ghost people. Seriously - if you're over 22 it's rude. Don't play those games. If you don't like someone just tell them. Politely. I know for women it's harder because a lot of guys unfortunately can't take no for an answer or can't take a hint or thing they did something wrong and want to fix it. But the other guys need some respect. Give some and you'll get some. Re-read texts, emails, and replay in person conversations in your head. In other words, don't delete messages and such. Those first 6 weeks - it's amazing how many times you can uncover serial liars, people cheating, crazies, etc. if you put pieces together from what they share. First few dates - do something you'll enjoy. Especially as a guy. If you're going to pay and go into it with no expectations - do stuff you like to do. Have fun and just see it as hanging out with somebody - it takes the pressure off and lets you relax.
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 I limit myself to 5 messages to get her number or if that fails, 10 messages to set the meeting. 1
Miss Spider Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 10 back and Forth max. I like to move to meeting ASAP . Too many times I chatted with a guy for awhile, then met in person, and wasn’t attracted Usually if not interested just say nothing until they ask you for a second date and reply sorry but I don’t think it’s a match. Ty. Only if they drag it on do you have to block
Zippy2000 Posted January 14, 2020 Posted January 14, 2020 (edited) On 1/12/2020 at 3:20 PM, Springsummer said: Shouldn't people meet after talking for awhile online? why give each other's phone numbers and move to texting using the phone before even meet? what happen after meeting and not liking each other? just delete and block each other's numbers? I totally agree. People have to build up some level of trust before they let some else into their lives. Nowadays people move fast and about a week to get to know someone is about right but people have different timescales. Only start moving to the next step WHEN you feel comfortable to do so. Back in 2005 when OLD was in its infancy. I talked to a woman for 3 months before our first date. Luckily it worked out for us back then (Im no longer with her now) as you don't want to waste too much time on the wrong person. When we met we clicked but you don't want to stalk to someone for weeks on end to find out the person isn't right for you. Id say chat for a week or more depending how you feel about things and then progress from there. Edited January 14, 2020 by Zippy2000 spelling/addition to text
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