Els Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 6 minutes ago, Gaeta said: It's not ridiculous you like those things, I am a huge fan of Star Trek and I am thrilled like a little kid that a new series is coming out BUT, Star Trek gifts are not something I'd expect from a new man. The gifts he gave you are saying he appreciates you but he's not 'attracted' in 'that way' toward you. Look at your gift to him: A scarf, something personal he'll wear on his skin each day, and cookies you baked to him, again something you made with your hands to express your 'feelings'. He offered you a game, that screams 'friendship' to me. From a new man that is attracted toward me I'd expect a silk scarf, perfume, leather gloves, I'd expect something personal. I haven't followed the OP's posts too much, except for the thread about the dude not contacting her for a week (was that the same dude???), and based on that thread alone I agree that he's not really into her. People who are interested don't just drop contact for a week. Re: the gifts though, I totally disagree with you! H and I always get each other "hobby gifts", from the very beginning of our relationship, and I love that. If I received perfume or a scarf or gloves for a gift (yes, even at the start), it would feel flat and like he hadn't even bothered to think about what I like. 1
Gaeta Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 2 hours ago, Elswyth said: Re: the gifts though, I totally disagree with you! H and I always get each other "hobby gifts", from the very beginning of our relationship, and I love that. If I received perfume or a scarf or gloves for a gift (yes, even at the start), it would feel flat and like he hadn't even bothered to think about what I like. I feel you are one of the few exceptions or maybe it's because you were younger when you met. My daughter and her bf offer each other video games and such but a middle aged man that is attracted toward a woman will go with a personal gift, not a hobby gift. OP knows this man's hobbies and yet she chose to offer him something personal. Also, she is happy with her hobby gift BUT notice her tone when she describes his gift to her, she expected something more personal. 2
Author mortensorchid Posted January 7, 2020 Author Posted January 7, 2020 Hmmm... This is a hard topic for me these days. I have given this much thought and I have decided something on this. While I was happy with the gifts and I had much anxiety about it, I am going to let it go. Maybe this went a bit too far in this thread and off on other tangents but I am going to just be happy. And if that doesn't include him in this, that's fine. 3
Author mortensorchid Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 So I decided to back off Divorced Dad, we have had no contact since this past Saturday. Why? Because I wanted to see if he was that into me as I was into him because I realized I was doing most of the chasing, initiating contact, etc. And ... Haven't heard anything from him. Unfortunately I think the relationship is over and done with now. I was hoping that it would go somewhere but, it's not going to happen. Makes me sad but it's what it is. Moving on. 2 5
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 I'm sorry, MO. I think you're doing the right thing. Hang in there and do something nice for yourself. 6
Ruby Slippers Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 I'm sorry it worked out this way. However, I'm a firm believer that once you clear out anything in your life that isn't serving you or meeting your needs, then focus in a positive way on what you want, you open up room in your life for the best people and stuff to appear. It takes courage to remove what's not working. Many people are afraid they won't find anything to fill the empty space left. But if you face that fear, work through it, and get strong, better days are ahead. 3
Happy Lemming Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 I'd also like to express my sympathies. I was really hoping that this guy would turn into a long term relationship. OK... time to move on. NEXT!!
alphamale Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said: OK... time to move on. NEXT!! indeed
Artdeco Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 I am sorry that happened. I wonder how your communication has been, like have you talked about being exclusive/in a relationship/dating? Or did two you just "hang out" and see how it would go? I have read some of your posts about divorced dad, and I kind of always thought that you really weren't that into him, interested, yes, but I wasn't aware that you did most of the chasing and stuff..... You always sounded kind of level-headed and aloof writing about him. Don't worry, though - people are fickle. Don't take it personally. He might come around when he notices your absence.
Miss Spider Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Is this the guy who didn’t even get you an Xmas present? And you dated for like 3 months and he never made one move? Yea this guy was just straight up weird. Sorry you’re disappointed, but I think you can do better.
2BGoodAgain Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 it depends on what you want/need. see all of his, his words, his actions, etc... is this what you want? need? if not, move on, b/c even if he's interested in you... if this is how he treats someone who he's interested in, he's not the type of guy you may want long term. 1
Artdeco Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Is this the guy who didn’t even get you an Xmas present? And you dated for like 3 months and he never made one move? Yea this guy was just straight up weird. Sorry you’re disappointed, but I think you can do better. I think Xmas present yes, but sex no. He made no move. Which is odd. 1
healing light Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Honestly, divorced dad sounds emotionally unavailable--if it is any comfort for you, I think he'd be this distant with any woman right now, not just you.
Author mortensorchid Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 ^ I suppose so. I should not take this personally, it just looked like it was going to be and it ... Obviously isn't. 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 I feel you 100%. People who do this (meaning men and women) are total jerks! Why not just tell the truth? You don't need him anyways. A man who cares for you will not do this to you.
Happy Lemming Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Let "Divorced Dad" date a "Divorced Mom" then they can cancel on each other and blame their kids. You don't need all that baggage or crap in your life. 1
FMW Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 I'm disappointed for you, but it wasn't a waste of time. You connected with him on a certain level, he just wasn't ready to take it further. New year, new men 3
Author mortensorchid Posted January 10, 2020 Author Posted January 10, 2020 7 hours ago, Artdeco said: I am sorry that happened. I wonder how your communication has been, like have you talked about being exclusive/in a relationship/dating? Or did two you just "hang out" and see how it would go? I have read some of your posts about divorced dad, and I kind of always thought that you really weren't that into him, interested, yes, but I wasn't aware that you did most of the chasing and stuff..... You always sounded kind of level-headed and aloof writing about him. Don't worry, though - people are fickle. Don't take it personally. He might come around when he notices your absence. No, we didn't have The Talk but it was considered and suggested by posters here. When I was younger I had The Talk with a few guys from my past, none of them gave me positive answers and they are not in the picture today obviously. When I was more open and honest about my feelings because I was inexperienced and I'd been talk showed to death telling us "say what you feel", "do what feels right", etc., and you'll be happy that way. Not true but that's a whole other topic. Anyway, I feel foolish right now. I had thought that I should back off to show if he was into me as much as I was into him, which I feared that he was not. And it has been proven to me that he's not. I was so excited because I hadn't been with anyone for the longest time and this was the first real lead I had had in probably years. OLDs had been had, of course, but in general they are stupid wastes of time. The black cloud, however, has returned. The constant feeling of "No one wants me". I must just not be one of those people. I'd been stupid to think that I was worthy of it, now I'm too old to attract anyone anymore. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 Aw man....this is terrible to read....so sorry... I didn't read the whole history or what went down...Could it be he had too much crap on his plate?? Kids?? TFY
Happy Lemming Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 1 hour ago, mortensorchid said: ...now I'm too old to attract anyone anymore. Not True, both my girlfriend and I were older than you when we met. I'm very much attracted to her and she is attracted to me. Your guy is out there, it just wasn't "Divorced Dad". 3 1
gaius Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 You're "not one of those people" because you haven't developed a communication style and other skills that men value. That's something you can fix, if you want to work on it. But you have to work on it. In one way or another. Or you can just live out your life telling yourself you're too old and nobody wants you. While women old enough to be your mother never lack for a partner. It's up to you. 3 1
Ruby Slippers Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 12 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I must just not be one of those people. I'd been stupid to think that I was worthy of it, now I'm too old to attract anyone anymore. I felt this way not so many months ago. Then in October I met an amazing guy on a free dating site, we're essentially living together quite blissfully, and he's initiated talks about marriage, family, and the whole enchilada. We've both expressed many times that it's such a relief and a joy that our long, determined, and sometimes frustrating search for true love is now complete. Keep your hope alive! What we focus on and dream about is what comes to be. *hug* 2 1
Blind-Sided Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 18 hours ago, mortensorchid said: ...... now I'm too old to attract anyone anymore. That's just silly at it's core. I've heard that from people over the years... and I remember hearing from someone who was late 20's. I'm going out tonight with someone older than you, and people at differ stages of their lives find different things "attractive". Like personality, kindness, and heart. I am truly sorry you didn't find your "Happily Ever After" with Divorced Dad... but you will eventually. Keep your attitude positive, and things will fall into place.
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