Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 (edited) On 12/30/2019 at 5:20 AM, stillafool said: I don't consider a woman having sex with a man giving herself away. I think both partners give themselves to each other during sex. If both parties are looking to have a "mature" and "honest" relationship, sex should be natural and desired. It should not be cheapened in any way. MO. I feel that this guy is definitely keeping you at arms length. Probably not completely over his divorce and continues to communicate with the ex with hopes of reconciliation? I would do exactly that if I was hoping to get back with my ex. I wouldn't jeopardize that by sleeping with another woman and complicating the relationship with expectations that I would not be fully committed to pursue or advance. Does he know you are giving him the scarf? If not, no need to give it to him. If it is out of kindness alone, do so, but don't expect reciprocity. Your baked goods are yummy enough. When I meet someone new, I come right out and tell them not to get me anything. Sometimes that is enough. You made no such request, so the ball is in your court on this. If it is expensive, I would keep it. You have no obligation to give him a gift and especially if he is not giving you what you need in the relationship. You may have misread the relationship status all together. We've all been there. Edited December 30, 2019 by Gr8fuln2020 1
smackie9 Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 I would eat the cookies and wear the scarf....that's what I would do. 3 1
Gaeta Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 (edited) *oh no* ..indeed. Maybe he suggested you don't go through the trouble of getting him a gift while you have to deal with your sister's surgery and illness. MO, I think this man is not having sex with you because he knows you'd read something in it that doesn't exist for him. I also think you are a distraction to him while he's getting back up from a divorce. Things are adding up. It reads more and more as if he doesn't want you to get any 'ideas' about what this relationship really is. The answer is right there in front of you, it's just hard for you to accept it. I am just afraid if you have 'the talk' with him he's going to give you some typical answer *I need time* and you'll end up investing more time in something that is doomed already. We all know men rarely move on from a divorce with the 'rebound' girl. Edited December 30, 2019 by Gaeta 1
Watercolors Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 (edited) I guess what I'm confused about, is why Mo had a Christmas ONS with Muscle Stud (her FWB guy) if she's so convinced that divorced dad is already her boyfriend. Why would you have sex with some random guy you know, when you are supposedly head over heels for a divorced dad who won't have sex with you, who blows off your invites to other people's parties to supposedly go "Christmas shopping" for his kids and then doesn't make time to exchange Christmas gifts with you after 4 months of knowing you. That's why I truly believe neither of these two guys are long-term relationship material. Time to drop them both. Edited December 30, 2019 by Watercolors
FMW Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 51 minutes ago, Watercolors said: if she's so convinced She's not - that's why she's posting here, and if you see the progression of her thoughts in responses she has reached the point of just seeing where things go. And I don't think she sees long-term relationship material in the FWB - they are just two consenting adults who agree on having sex without commitment to something more. Not everyone has the same rules/requirements/judgments.
Watercolors Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 (edited) Yes, ok. But neither of these guys has any interest in her long-term. And, she qualified divorced dad as someone worth waiting for in her post about Muscle Stud and having a one night stand with him. So, that's why I am confused. Why would you declare one guy worth waiting for, meanwhile, you go have sex with a FWB while you're waiting for the other guy. That is what confuses me. One guy had sex with her on Christmas Eve and that was it. The other guy she's known for 4 months and he's colder than lukewarm water with her, even making excuses to avoid doing anything romantic with her that would mislead her to think she means more to him than some nice friendly encounter. He rejected her attempt to progress their connection when he refused to have sex with her. I would have walked away from any guy who did that to me. I would not stick around waiting to see if he changes his tune. If a guy rejects sex from a woman the first time, he's not suddenly going to change his mind later on down the road. I feel bad for the OP because she clearly doesn't see the forest for the trees here; neither guy is interested in her for a long-term romantic relationship. Time for her to move on and get back into the dating pool. These two guys are a waste of her time and energy. They've already shown her what her value is to them (which is, very low value). Edited December 30, 2019 by Watercolors
Gaeta Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 10 minutes ago, Watercolors said: Yes, ok. But neither of these guys has any interest in her long-term. And, she qualified divorced dad as someone worth waiting for in her post about Muscle Stud and having a one night stand with him. So, that's why I am confused. Why would you declare one guy worth waiting for, meanwhile, you go have sex with a FWB while you're waiting for the other guy. That is what confuses me. She is a grown woman with sexual needs. She's not exclusive with divorced-dad. While she waits for him she continues being a woman in her sexual-peak. The FWB means nothing, he's a sexual stress reliever. 2
Watercolors Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 (edited) Well I understand that she's a grown woman with sexual needs. But waiting for divorced dad to come around after he sexually rejected her, should have been a big enough red flag for her to stop investing in him emotionally by that point and just treat him as a friend and nothing more. By 4 months, you either know you're in a sexual, exclusive relationship or it's just a friendship. I get that FWB are a sexual stress reliever. But, if you are investing your time and energy into someone else, why complicate that by having sex with some random person. Doesn't seem to solve the first problem, which is, what does divorced dad want from the OP? Edited December 30, 2019 by Watercolors
Gaeta Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 10 minutes ago, Watercolors said: But waiting for divorced dad to come around after he sexually rejected her, should have been a big enough red flag for her to stop investing in him emotionally I 100% agree with you. When a man refuses intimacy to a woman something important is wrong or missing and after 3-4 months she should end it. I would not keep a friendship with this man. He's a weight she doesn't need. 2
elaine567 Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 (edited) The "problem" started well before the sex refusal. He went MIA for a week in October when he had the kids "for the weekend". No calls no texts, no emails, nothing... An interested guy would have kept in touch... Edited December 30, 2019 by elaine567 2 1
Watercolors Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 41 minutes ago, elaine567 said: The "problem" started well before the sex refusal. He went MIA for a week in October when he had the kids "for the weekend". No calls no texts, no emails, nothing... An interested guy would have kept in touch... I would have walked away at that point... 1
elaine567 Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 23 minutes ago, Watercolors said: I would have walked away at that point... So would I.
chillii Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 5 hours ago, Watercolors said: I guess what I'm confused about, is why Mo had a Christmas ONS with Muscle Stud (her FWB guy) if she's so convinced that divorced dad is already her boyfriend. Why would you have sex with some random guy you know, when you are supposedly head over heels for a divorced dad who won't have sex with you, who blows off your invites to other people's parties to supposedly go "Christmas shopping" for his kids and then doesn't make time to exchange Christmas gifts with you after 4 months of knowing you. That's why I truly believe neither of these two guys are long-term relationship material. Time to drop them both. Now l'm confused , what ons , didn't see that . l need coffee. 1
Watercolors Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 48 minutes ago, chillii said: what ons , didn't see that . She talks about having a FWB she nicknamed Muscle Stud, who she had sex with on Christmas Eve this year, while still waiting to hear from divorced dad guy about getting together after NYE.
greymatter Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 MO’s post about the ONS with her FWB was in a different forum and shouldn’t have been mentioned in this post, IMO.
chillii Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 Ahh, right , well all bets are off for me then on this one. 1
Author mortensorchid Posted December 31, 2019 Author Posted December 31, 2019 Think I am just going to eat the cookies myself or bring them to the NYE party (which I am going to alone). The scarf will remain in its box and I will save that for another occasion, perhaps another person all together. Divorced Dad is not that into me, Muscle Stud is on outcall as well. Keeping my options open and moving on. 6
Happy Lemming Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 11 hours ago, mortensorchid said: Divorced Dad is not that into me... That is a shame... I was really rooting for you and hoped "Divorced Dad" would turn into a long-term healthy relationship. Here's to hoping you find happiness 2020. 1
FMW Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 mortensorchid, I don't think you have to close the door on divorced dad - just lean back and see what he does about your relationship (in my book you do have a relationship with him whether or not you are physically involved, albeit maybe only a flirty friendship at this point). In the meantime, as you indicated you would do, keep your options open.
NuevoYorko Posted January 1, 2020 Posted January 1, 2020 On 12/30/2019 at 6:58 PM, mortensorchid said: Think I am just going to eat the cookies myself or bring them to the NYE party (which I am going to alone). The scarf will remain in its box and I will save that for another occasion, perhaps another person all together. Divorced Dad is not that into me, Muscle Stud is on outcall as well. Keeping my options open and moving on. Props to you for keeping a generally positive attitude through all this. When you've gotten "paranoid" you've pulled back from a tendency you have of sort of wallowing in the negative. It's very disappointing that this dad is not stepping up in the way you need, or the way we'd like to see him do. If this just fades, my biggest hope for you is to be able to see this as a step in a good direction. He is a good guy, you like him, this may not pan out to be a relationship but sais la vie. It doesn't have to add up to anything catastrophic or something "wrong" with you or with men in general. We've all been where you are - started dating a person where it all seemed good but for some reason or another there was a "failure to launch." Don't overthink the "gifter" thing either. I remember on a different thread you were beating yourself up about some bad past experiences you had around giving someone a gift. This is a good quality of yours that other people will surely appreciate. Happy New Year. I hope your sister's prognosis turns out to be a good one. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 1, 2020 Posted January 1, 2020 On 12/30/2019 at 4:59 PM, chillii said: Ahh, right , well all bets are off for me then on this one. Ha ha...the FWB completely redefines how I look at THIS post. As you, chillii, I am no longer invested in this discussion. 1
Blind-Sided Posted January 1, 2020 Posted January 1, 2020 (edited) Well.................................................................. Yep, that changes everything. MO... I was really hopping you would have found long-term happiness... but regardless if sex is a stress reliever... a FWB has no place when you are trying to build a relationship with someone. You are a grown person, and can do as you please... but I can tell you (once again, as the single dad) if I knew a girl I was interested in was also "Hooking up" with someone... I would walk away without a second thought. AND... with that said... there was a girl a couple months back who a friend of mine wanted me to go out with... but then I found out she kept going back to an ex for the random "Booty call"... and now I have no real interest. You may ask "Why"? The reason is... I don't want to put myself through the heartache of being cheated on. AND... I know that's a very real possibility with a girl who can't curb her lust. I travel for work, and I would hate my SO to go out and fool around just because she was horny. I do wish you luck in the months to come... but you really need to take a good hard look at yourself, and seriously ask... "Why did I need to hook up?" And, since you posted that elsewhere, and not here... I'm guessing you know the reason. Edited January 1, 2020 by Blind-Sided 4
introverted1 Posted January 1, 2020 Posted January 1, 2020 @mortensorchid How was the party? How are you holding up?
Author mortensorchid Posted January 1, 2020 Author Posted January 1, 2020 7 minutes ago, introverted1 said: @mortensorchid How was the party? How are you holding up? It was alright, for NYE. It was just 4 people (me included), I had dinner with them and went home. I was in bed and asleep by 11:30ish. Divorced Dad texted me - he was subbing for a band on NYE at a bar near him (he's a musician, he was drumming for this band), I responded to him. This morning he texted me and we are supposed to get together tonight but he says he has a headache. That was about 3 hours ago and ... No response to my last text of how he was feeling. 1
Watercolors Posted January 1, 2020 Posted January 1, 2020 (edited) 51 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said: but you really need to take a good hard look at yourself, and seriously ask... "Why did I need to hook up?" And, since you posted that elsewhere, and not here... I'm guessing you know the reason. This exact scenario happened to me when I lived abroad while teaching at a university for a year. I became romantically involved with other teacher who was single and bilingual (he spoke English thankfully and his native language). We dated for about 3 months before his behavior changed and he started lying to me. The ugly truth came to light, when he told me a prostitute he saw regularly gave him an STD. So, now for the rest of my life, I have to get tested every few months for this common, contagious venereal disease because this man (who has a PhD, a great reputation at the university, makes a great living, has a nice apartment) couldn't keep his penis in his pants. He ruined my life so now if I am sexually active, I have to share the venereal disease story with EVERY guy who wants to be intimate with me. And let me tell you, that's cleared out my dance book quite a lot. He cursed me to be single for the rest of my life (probably). So, when I read that MO had her fling on Christmas Eve while waiting for Divorced Dad after 4 months to come around, I had to shake my head. What is she doing? I retract my previous response of not telling Divorced Dad now, if he does indeed decide to get sexual with her. She needs to come clean. MO, what is it you want from Divorced Dad? And why did you think having protected/unprotected sex with Muscle Stud is justifiable? Do you really not see anything wrong with having casual sex with random men while you wait for "the man" you want to be with decide if he wants to be with you? I'm with Blind-Sided on this. Actions have consequences. You devalued your connection to yourself and to Divorced Dad, having sex on the side like you did with Muscle Stud. Even if he used a condom. Doesn't matter. Why'd you do it? What did that accomplish that a good vibrator or a strong hand couldn't? I see a woman who is very confused about what she wants. I feel bad for you. I think Divorced Dad is lost now too. He's been stringing you along for 4 months, keeping everything platonic. He breadcrumbs you with random texts like he did last night at his music gig and you respond, ravenous because you are waiting for him to come around. All he does is keep you waiting...is that really what you think you deserve from a guy like Divorced Dad? He texted you to make plans but then back-tracked by saying he has a headache. Edited January 1, 2020 by Watercolors 1 1
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