LB2016 Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 (edited) So I go on a date with a guy this past Sunday. It went really well. The date wasn’t even over yet when he asked what my availability is to hang out again, if I was interested in doing so. We decide Friday night is best. He’s texted me evey day and we’ve exchanged a few texts just checking in on our day. Nothing major, but he has been keeping in touch. It’s now Thursday night and not a word has been said about tomorrow yet. Being that it was already decided on Sunday, what is my deadline to give him before I say I made other plans when/if he even brings it up! (Maybe he regrets asking) Getting player vibes here to be honest! Lol Edited January 10, 2020 by LB2016
Happy Lemming Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 17 minutes ago, LB2016 said: We decide Friday night is best. Text him some suggestions for Friday night... Something like... "There is a local art walk Friday Night on Main St. Does something like that interest you??" or "My favorite tex-mex restaurant has a special on Friday night - tamales - Yummy - You game??" or "My favorite band is playing at (local pub), what do you think??" It doesn't hurt to offer up some suggestions for a date... Stoke the fire a bit, see what his reaction is??
Author LB2016 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Posted January 10, 2020 But as the man, shouldn’t HE be the one to bring it up again and confirm? I’m not going to chase him. As of right now anyway, I texted him a response at 3 with a question and he hasn’t responded yet. So to me, between that and not bringing up tmrw, he’s blowing me off. And I’ll be dammed if I’m going to be blown off and then suggest the next date..lol 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 Just now, LB2016 said: But as the man, shouldn’t HE be the one to bring it up again and confirm? Do you want to be right or happy?? What is the harm in suggesting an activity for Friday Night?? If he shoots your suggestion down and doesn't offer up a different activity for the date, you'll have your answer. How is suggesting a dating activity "chasing him"? As one who dated many, many women, I appreciate when a woman makes a suggestion for at date. Date planning can be difficult and there is nothing wrong with offering up some direction. 2
Author LB2016 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Posted January 10, 2020 Well to be honest Happy, I’d consider doing what you’re saying but the fact that he hasn’t responded to me from this afternoon is now holding me back from doing so. That’s BS to me. So I’m not going to initiate another text at this point. 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 I usually allow up to 24 hours for a response to a communication. When I'm dating someone or even when I'm trying to date someone; I will leave a voicemail message, wait 24 hours for a reply, if no reply/response I will leave one more message. If I haven't heard back 24 hours after the second message, only at that point do I consider they are not interested. A few hours delay in responding to a text isn't unheard of, he may have something else going on. For example, I was off-line several hours today while installing some trim molding in my master bath and master bedroom. I had my miter saw & screw gun going, so I wouldn't have heard a text message come in until I was finished for the day. So, don't read a few hours delay in responding as a bad sign, he could just be busy with work or another task.
Miss Spider Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 sorry but I say listen to your gut. No way I think someone should accept a date with a guy who hasn’t nailed down the plans to see them by the night before. He asked you so he should follow through. Not that hard. If someone is excited to see you they are gonna mention it to make sure you haven’t forgotten... 1
Author LB2016 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Posted January 10, 2020 (edited) That’s what I’m saying, Cookies! Thank you. He did finally respond almost 7 hours later apologizing and saying it was a “crazy day”. Since it was 9:30 at night and I wasn’t even into talking, I decided to wait to respond. I’ll do it this morning. Plus I felt and feel that it’s BS. Everyone’s phone is at their HIP! He just decided to wait to respond for whatever reason. Edited January 10, 2020 by LB2016
Happy Lemming Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 1 hour ago, LB2016 said: Everyone’s phone is at their HIP! Not for everyone... When I worked my cell phone was off, that time belonged to my employer who was paying me for my services. I dated one woman who's employer did not allow personal cell phones to be turned on during work hours, so I knew she would be "radio silent" during the day. He may have been concentrating on a work project and/or working overtime. 1
lurker74 Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 I would move on. You are clearly already negative, with his not nailing things down and you deciding to wait to respond rather that communicate openly. The chance that a date tonight goes well or even at all is slim to none. 1 1
JTSW Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 2 hours ago, LB2016 said: He did finally respond almost 7 hours later apologizing and saying it was a “crazy day”. Since it was 9:30 at night and I wasn’t even into talking, I decided to wait to respond. I’ll do it this morning. Plus I felt and feel that it’s BS. Everyone’s phone is at their HIP! He just decided to wait to respond for whatever reason. You got some double standards here. You complain he takes a long time to respond yet you do the same. You have no idea if he 'decided to wait to respond' so you can't really assume that. It could be that because he had initiated the next date that he was waiting for you confirm that it is still on. No, not everyone's phone is attached their hip or hand. Like Happy said, many people have jobs where they are not permitted to use their phones during work hours. 2
JTSW Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 11 hours ago, LB2016 said: But as the man, shouldn’t HE be the one to bring it up again and confirm? I’m not going to chase him. I hate this, it's so sexist and old fashioned. No, it doesn't always have to be the man that does all the chasing. 1
stillafool Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 Clearly it doesn't have to be the man always chasing. Women are now chasing men down. Go for it. 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 25 minutes ago, JTSW said: You got some double standards here. Yes, I saw that, as well. "Game playing" is such a waste of time and energy. 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 Game playing by both parties here, as I see it. BUT... the guy is not as interested in seeing the OP as he was when he asked for the second date while still within the thralls of the first meeting. Happens. I suspect he is trying or has planned another meeting with someone else. No way an interested person doesn't responsibly and quickly text on meeting details at this stage. No way! As per people not having their smart phones on their hips, well, most do. AND...this guy earlier seems to have had no problems communicating when still interested. 1
JTSW Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 Looking back on your post history, this appears to be a common occurrence. Guys seem to back off after dating you and you assume they are at fault. You make accusations and make them out to be players when they aren't. Ever thought that it may be you? That you are just hard work for them? You don't exactly make it easy for guys do you. 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 3 minutes ago, JTSW said: You don't exactly make it easy for guys do you. 100% Agree... I'm not a trained seal that is going to jump through hoops. There are PLENTY of available women out there, if a woman wants to "play games" and do a "tit for tat" wait time for communication, then I'm not going to put much effort (if any) into the endeavor. He said he had a "Crazy Day" to me means that his work day got away from him. We have all had days at work where this goes wrong, that goes wrong and your boss expects you to handle it, fix it and get the problem resolved, yesterday. 1
Author LB2016 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Posted January 10, 2020 12 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: Do you want to be right or happy?? What is the harm in suggesting an activity for Friday Night?? If he shoots your suggestion down and doesn't offer up a different activity for the date, you'll have your answer. How is suggesting a dating activity "chasing him"? As one who dated many, many women, I appreciate when a woman makes a suggestion for at date. Date planning can be difficult and there is nothing wrong with offering up some direction. There is no “fault” being said here. I’m clearly saying (and feeling) that they’re losing interest. And if that’s the case, I completely understand. Excuse the player comment...perhaps that was said out of frustration and past BS. As for playing games, I’m simply “mirroring” the level of interest and effort that I’m receiving. How is that playing games? That’s a double standard to me. There’s advice all over this board stating to do that (mirror) and now I’m the guilty one...??..lol There truly are double standards everywhere. You read one article and it’ll say one thing (like letting the man initiate and lead to gauge his level of interest) and then another one will say the complete opposite. It’s crazy! 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 7 minutes ago, LB2016 said: I’m simply “mirroring” the level of interest and effort that I’m receiving. Exactly my point... "tit for tat". I'm amazed at the laziness of today's young woman. How hard is it to google "Things to this weekend + (name of your city)" and make a suggestion to someone you want to date or go out with. I dated one woman that would e-mail me suggestions for the weekend, this allowed me to figure out what would fit in my budget and something I would enjoy, as well. It was quite refreshing and made date planning so much easier. It also made sure I didn't pick a "DUD" for the weekend's activity. I've had some date plans turn to crap and always felt bad that the activity "crashed and burned".
Bobbyb82 Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 14 hours ago, LB2016 said: Well to be honest Happy, I’d consider doing what you’re saying but the fact that he hasn’t responded to me from this afternoon is now holding me back from doing so. That’s BS to me. So I’m not going to initiate another text at this point. I'd be willing to bet anything he is overthinking this the same way you are. He is probably assuming the date is still on, and just hasn't brought it up. I bet he does today.
Author LB2016 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Posted January 10, 2020 Well Bobby, as of right now he hasn’t texted me at all today. Not even anything as a response to my text this morning. I’m going to say I don’t hear anything from him at all. Let’s take bets!
2BGoodAgain Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 55 minutes ago, LB2016 said: Well Bobby, as of right now he hasn’t texted me at all today. Not even anything as a response to my text this morning. I’m going to say I don’t hear anything from him at all. Let’s take bets! well that's rude... hopefully, nothing untowards has happened, but i'd say move on.. if he's dead or in a coma, i'll take that as a valid excuse, otherwise, in this day n age, it isn't hard to return a text. move on... Good luck! 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 I think it's ridiculous you're refusing to bring it up. You must not like him that much. 2
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 4 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: Exactly my point... "tit for tat". I'm amazed at the laziness of today's young woman. How hard is it to google "Things to this weekend + (name of your city)" and make a suggestion to someone you want to date or go out with. I dated one woman that would e-mail me suggestions for the weekend, this allowed me to figure out what would fit in my budget and something I would enjoy, as well. It was quite refreshing and made date planning so much easier. It also made sure I didn't pick a "DUD" for the weekend's activity. I've had some date plans turn to crap and always felt bad that the activity "crashed and burned". Are you still with that woman who planned everything out for you?
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