Visiting Maria tomorrow and I'm nervous

[Keeves1]

UPDATE:

I’m still with Maria and her father. we decided to hit the gym. I found out that her father spend most time building muscles and making jewellery. 
 

So I embarrassed myself infront of him and Maria. We were training upper body parts like triceps and chest. I could not get the technique down and also doing it fast. He laughed the whole training session but was also giving me speech like «just start slow and don’t give up» 

even Maria stopped up her gym plan to watch me train with her father. She had a serious look in her eyes. 
 

i just totally fcked it up and now Maria is treating me like sh**. I always have to get things for her and when she gets dirty in her glasses she uses my hoodie to clean it. 

 

 

 

 

Edited February 6, 2020 by Keeves1

[JTSW]

🙄 You guys need a break. 

You spend far too much time together. 

[Keeves1]

1 hour ago, JTSW said:

🙄 You guys need a break. 

You spend far too much time together. 

I could not agree more! 

[K.K.]

2 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

 

i just totally fcked it up and now Maria is treating me like sh**. I always have to get things for her and when she gets dirty in her glasses she uses my hoodie to clean it. 

 

So what’d ya do? Yell at her? How did you f*** it up? 

[Keeves1]

On 2/7/2020 at 12:26 AM, K.K. said:

So what’d ya do? Yell at her? How did you f*** it up? 

I forgot to write about why I f*** it up. But here is why. 
 

Maria told me this: I could see that my father got annoyed because you were overly nice to us by insisting to help with decorating the table or to clean up. We’re not used to this. 
 

so yeah I was being over the top nice with offering to help and even if they said no I still was eager to help. 

[Fletch Lives]

It's nice to hear a good love story here for a change. When is the movie coming out?!

[Keeves1]

UPDATE: I think it’s time that me and Maria take a break from each other

Hello. I showed her a jacket on sale that I wanted to try on and when we got back to Oslo we went to try on the jacket. I didn’t like the jacket and asked for her opinion. He also thinks it was too big on my arms so I placed it on the hangar. She used a aggresive tone saying that I need to be quick. 
 

After that we decided to eat pizza and she complained that I choosed a seat near the toilet but I told her that I did not think much of it and I sat there cause it looked cozy. While we were eating pizza she told me that I looked sad and was curious to what had been bothering me. 
 

This is what I said: I have used alot of energy trying to do a good impression for you father and that has led me to be exhausted. I look sad but I’m not
 

I was with her father from wednesday to friday and she asked if I wanted to stay one more day at her place to today. I left early because my friend asked me to hang out. 
 

the whole trip Maria have had a different attitude towards me. I can’t describe what it is hahaha
 

CONCLUSION: Maria was not rude at all. I just think she and her father got annoyed that I was overly nice. I still think that we need a couple of days to rest and we’ll see what happends. I will be with her on Valentines day

[Keeves1]

2 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

It's nice to hear a good love story here for a change. When is the movie coming out?!

It’s going to be exclusive and the whole plot has to be finished first. Meanwhile the story continues here as of now 🤣

Edited February 8, 2020 by Keeves1

[K.K.]

9 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

I forgot to write about why I f*** it up. But here is why. 
 

Maria told me this: I could see that my father got annoyed because you were overly nice to us by insisting to help with decorating the table or to clean up. We’re not used to this. 
 

so yeah I was being over the top nice with offering to help and even if they said no I still was eager to help. 

So being polite and having good manners is a bad thing to Maria and her dad. 🤨

I don’t even know. ... what to say here. 

(((Hugs))) 

[chillii]

Pretty obvious , he was just trying way too hard.

[balletomane]

38 minutes ago, K.K. said:

So being polite and having good manners is a bad thing to Maria and her dad. 🤨

I don’t even know. ... what to say here. 

(((Hugs))) 

I'm not sure this is the issue. Going by this thread, Keeves does have a real tendency to overthink things and he is so worried about making a good impression that he's asking for help on the most basic elements of interaction, such as which questions to ask Maria's dad. Now, most adults might feel a bit nervous at meeting their partner's parents for the first time, but they'd just chat as normal and not try to plan the conversation in advance. If Keeves is obsessing about what to do and say when he's around Maria and her dad (for example, by repetitively asking how he should help) it might well come across as more suffocating than considerate.

[K.K.]

1 minute ago, chillii said:

Pretty obvious , he was just trying way too hard.

That’s so sad though to fault someone who is obviously nervous and trying to make a good impression for ‘trying too hard.’

I just keep thinking of those boys that my niece brings me to meet. Some of them are so rude, they don’t even speak at all. They slam the front door, they don’t say thank you when I give them something to drink. They push my dog away, They stare at their phones and ignore any attempt of me trying to include them in conversation. 

I’d prefer ‘trying too hard’ over being one step above a pet rock. 

But that’s just me. Maybe I’m just weird to expect more. I don’t know. 😞 

[Keeves1]

27 minutes ago, balletomane said:

I'm not sure this is the issue. Going by this thread, Keeves does have a real tendency to overthink things and he is so worried about making a good impression that he's asking for help on the most basic elements of interaction, such as which questions to ask Maria's dad. Now, most adults might feel a bit nervous at meeting their partner's parents for the first time, but they'd just chat as normal and not try to plan the conversation in advance. If Keeves is obsessing about what to do and say when he's around Maria and her dad (for example, by repetitively asking how he should help) it might well come across as more suffocating than considerate.

This is the issue! and yes I do have the tendency to overthink hahaha. 
 

not only am I worried about making a good first impression but also using all of my energy on that. No wonder why Maria think I looked sad when we ate Pizza. 
 

I have also been communicating with Maria and told her that I worry much about what questions to ask her father. She just told me to take things as it comes and not stress about it.

I was being suffocating towards them the whole time

Edited February 8, 2020 by Keeves1

[Keeves1]

1 hour ago, K.K. said:

So being polite and having good manners is a bad thing to Maria and her dad. 🤨

I don’t even know. ... what to say here. 

(((Hugs))) 

It’s okay K.K atleast you show support to me and that matter to me 😛

[Keeves1]

23 minutes ago, chillii said:

Pretty obvious , he was just trying way too hard.

«Trying to hard» that’s the word I was looking for hahaha! 

[Keeves1]

16 minutes ago, K.K. said:

I’d prefer ‘trying too hard’ over being one step above a pet rock. 

But that’s just me. Maybe I’m just weird to expect more. I don’t know. 😞 

Hey no need to be sad! It’s over now and there is nothing I can do about it other than not being «suffocating» the next time I’m with her father 🙂 

 

People’s family are different. There might be some families who prefers they’re guest to be overly nice and some don’t. But I also agree it’s better to be nice rather than being a jerk

[balletomane]

14 minutes ago, K.K. said:

That’s so sad though to fault someone who is obviously nervous and trying to make a good impression for ‘trying too hard.’

I think the key thing in these situations is to be authentic and true to yourself as well as polite.

For example, when I have guests round, especially new friends who have never visited me before, I bake a cake. I rarely make homemade desserts if it's just me in the house; this is something special I do for guests. But it's still a very 'me' way to welcome them. I would never lay a floor-length tablecloth and cook a four-course dinner, because that isn't me at all. It would be more likely to come across as fake than as polite. And I think this is why some people get irritated if someone is trying way too hard - it makes it difficult to get a sense of what they're naturally like as a person. So Keeves, I think the question for you here is what do you usually do to show appreciation for people you care about? You shouldn't need to go far from your regular habits.

[Keeves1]

17 minutes ago, balletomane said:

So Keeves, I think the question for you here is what do you usually do to show appreciation for people you care about? You shouldn't need to go far from your regular habits.

I would do things like going to the grocery store alone even if it’s a short walking distance and buy small thing she needs to cook or are craving. She once craved oreo chocolate and I went to the store and bought it. 
 

doing things like hunting for the right ice cream as we did yesterday. 

[Keeves1]

44 minutes ago, balletomane said:

It would be more likely to come across as fake than as polite. And I think this is why some people get irritated if someone is trying way too hard - it makes it difficult to get a sense of what they're naturally like as a person.

So what now? No wonder why Maria’s attitude has changed... it’s because of me. Should I apologize? 

[chillii]

8 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

So what now? No wonder why Maria’s attitude has changed... it’s because of me. Should I apologize? 

 

First of all , try to relax a bit. And the 2nd first of all - so how are you feeling about her , really feeling?  Do you still really see and want a future with her ? Are you comfortable with her when it's just you two , still love being with her ?

Try not to worry about the other stuff it'll blow over , things can be undone next time, and the dad will know you were a bit nervous , l hope my daughters bf's are a bit nervous round me, give it some time he'll probably have a little chuckle later on, in a nice way l mean.  But if you spend that kind of time with them both again , you gotta relax a bit, it's a must . If they say they don't want help then back off, don't fuss, but across the board all round l mean,  that's just an example. Less is more sometimes.

Same with her, don't fuss over her too much , let her fuss over you a bit too.

Anyway , good luck

 

 

 

 

[Keeves1]

32 minutes ago, chillii said:

so how are you feeling about her , really feeling?  Do you still really see and want a future with her ? Are you comfortable with her when it's just you two , still love being with her ?

Try not to worry about the other stuff it'll blow over , things can be undone next time, and the dad will know you were a bit nervous

Same with her, don't fuss over her too much , let her fuss over you a bit too.

 

 

 

 

She asked me If I wanted to stay one more night after we had been visiting her father so it seems like she is kind of forgiving me?? This morning she did not kiss me like she used to but 1 hour before I left she hugged me alot. I also remember that we just sat on the bed staring at her wall without talking or looking at each other. The whole atmosphere was weird before I left. 
 

I am comfortable when it’s just us two and I really do see a future with her. I’m feeling that we need a couple of days apart from each other to think cause her vibe and attitude completely changed after I was trying to hard. She has a attitude where she uses aggresive tone when asking me to hang up the clothes or being a control freak to me. I can’t stop thinking about her because I’m wondering if I should apologize to her or not when I meet her on valentines day. 
 

In my opinion it’s not a big deal. Yes it’s a bad impression but it’s not a worthy reason for a break up cause I will at some point see her father again. 
 

what do you mean about her fussing over me? She is probably thinking about me or pizza hahha

Edited February 9, 2020 by Keeves1

[chillii]

Don't worry about the bed time, it was still a bit weird that's all , it'll blow over.

lt just means let her look after you a bit too , let her do a bit of work too.

[Keeves1]

8 hours ago, chillii said:

Don't worry about the bed time, it was still a bit weird that's all , it'll blow over.

lt just means let her look after you a bit too , let her do a bit of work too.

I also remember that we hold hands when we went out shopping and her father held hands with hi’s wife. Some point she ditched me and I was walking alone on the right side. It was awkward...

 

Yeah I think it’s time that she has to do a bit work to look after me

Edited February 9, 2020 by Keeves1

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

I also remember that we hold hands when we went out shopping and her father held hands with hi’s wife. Some point she ditched me and I was walking alone on the right side. It was awkward...

Yeah I think it’s time that she has to do a bit work to look after me

I think you need to chill out... you overthink EVERYTHING. And, she is not obligated to “look after you” at all, especially when you create all these unspoken expectations. 

Edited February 9, 2020 by BaileyB

[JTSW]

This relationship is not going to last. 

You're constantly in each others face and getting irritated by each other. 

Botn of you need to take a break and have some space from each other.