Visiting Maria tomorrow and I'm nervous

[Keeves1]

On 2/17/2020 at 10:58 PM, Cookiesandough said:

It’s probably starting to annoy her. Please take it easy 

The relationship that I had with my previous GF was really bad. She cheated on me so I was starting to get paranoid and overthink. It really fcks up your mind and that combined with me being overly sensitive isn’t really good either. 
 

So I’m just trying to figure out not to overthink or being paranoid with her. You see where I’m coming from?
 

[Keeves1]

My answers to all of your post to my issue with overthinking: 

That is the issue with me cause I’m overly sensitive and take things too seriously at times. My GF, colleagues and my parents thinks that as well. 

I came from a background where as a kid I had a hard time growing up and adapt to the society. As an example I got bullied at school, the teacher didn’t help much and it got even worse when my parents didn’t support me. I also had many fake friends. On top of that I’m an introverted person. 

With all that being said this has lead me to be a person that is aware of small things that should not even be there because I’m afraid to be bullied again. I feel like I have to tighten up all the time. 

So what is your best advice to not take things seriously?

[Miss Spider]

Yea I understand and I’m glad you’re trying to control it😊

[Miss Spider]

My advice would be that if you start to feel your mind drifting to analyzing your relationship do something else productive and distract yourself. good luck!!!

[JTSW]

13 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

I was bullied at school so maybe that has something to do with me being all so reserved and in my mind so much

I get that. I was bullied at school too so i use to have a bit of a defensive nature.

It will get easier the more you get to know her.

[Keeves1]

7 hours ago, JTSW said:

I get that. I was bullied at school too so i use to have a bit of a defensive nature.

It will get easier the more you get to know her.

I need to have a bigger heart and say to myself that I have to calm down and be myself. My parents told me that many times but I often forget it. Just have to keep saying it when I’m in a situation where I’m about to overthink. I also think it’s important to be conscious about it 

[Keeves1]

UPDATE: I think I’m bothering her for some reason.
 

She edited a photo of me and asked my opinions on different type of filters. 

I told her that the filter makes my sweater look more darker than it is and she replied with: «I don’t give a fck about that»

While I was making my bed sheets ready she looked at me by raising her eyebrow. 

I asked her what is wrong and she said «nothing» really fast. It seems like something is bothering her and I’ve said that to her but she did not say anything. 
 

Edit: So I just went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and take a shower. When I came back she just turned her back on me and was using her side eye to see what I was doing. 
 

I turned off the lights and she went to go and pee with the door open so I could hear the «sound». That’s so disrespectful. 

Edited March 9, 2020 by Keeves1

[preraph]

On 2/19/2020 at 3:15 PM, Keeves1 said:

And how do I stop taking things seriously? By just ignoring it? 
 

it’s just the way I am and I have tried to change that. My colleagues and my parents think that of me to. 
 

I do believe that it’s because the way I grew up. I was bullied at school so maybe that has something to do with me being all so reserved and in my mind so much

one of the problems with that is going to be that if you're in your own head all the time like you seem to be, then you probably are not listening very well to your girlfriend or anyone else. She is not you. she has her own brain and personality and you cannot control that. 

[preraph]

42 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

UPDATE: I think I’m bothering her for some reason.
 

She edited a photo of me and asked my opinions on different type of filters. 

I told her that the filter makes my sweater look more darker than it is and she replied with: «I don’t give a fck about that»

While I was making my bed sheets ready she looked at me by raising her eyebrow. 

I asked her what is wrong and she said «nothing» really fast. It seems like something is bothering her and I’ve said that to her but she did not say anything. 
 

Edit: So I just went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and take a shower. When I came back she just turned her back on me and was using her side eye to see what I was doing. 
 

I turned off the lights and she went to go and pee with the door open so I could hear the «sound». That’s so disrespectful. 

Ask her to shut the door.

[Keeves1]

21 minutes ago, preraph said:

Ask her to shut the door.

I will tell her when she wakes up. 
 

Anything else you wanted to add preraph? Like what do you think of her saying that she don’t care about my opinion? And that she’s is lying when she is not saying how she really feels? 

In my opinion she should not ask my opinion next time if she don’t give a fck. And if she still is saying nothing is wrong then why am I still together with her? It’s important to communicate with each other and right now I don’t see any of it

Edited March 9, 2020 by Keeves1

[Keeves1]

1 minute ago, Keeves1 said:

I will tell her when she wakes up. 
 

Anything else you wanted to add preraph? Like what do you think of her saying that she don’t care about my opinion? And that she’s is lying when she is not saying how she really feels? 

In my opinion she should not ask my opinion next time if she don’t give a fck. And if she still is saying nothing is wrong then why am I still together with her? It’s important to communicate with each other and right now I don’t see any of it

EDIT: I have two options: 

 

1. to talk to her about it when she wakes up. To say that it I don’t like her attitude and it’s bothering me. She won’t get away this quick.

2. She will stay over until sunday so If she still does it tonight then I will ask her once again what’s wrong. 
 

I’ve experienced this before and after a long time this builds up and eventually our relationship will end if she keeps doing this towards me. Therefore it’s better to talk it out before it’s too late

[JTSW]

Maybe you missed something she said and then she felt ignored. 

Edited March 9, 2020 by JTSW

[Keeves1]

1 minute ago, JTSW said:

Maybe you missed something she said and then she felt ignored. 

That is possible

[preraph]

10 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

I will tell her when she wakes up. 
 

Anything else you wanted to add preraph? Like what do you think of her saying that she don’t care about my opinion? And that she’s is lying when she is not saying how she really feels? 

In my opinion she should not ask my opinion next time if she don’t give a fck. And if she still is saying nothing is wrong then why am I still together with her? It’s important to communicate with each other and right now I don’t see any of it

I think you're overreacting. I think you are so focused on every little thing and every little detail that she is getting sick of it. She gets to have her opinion too. I don't think her comment meant she didn't care about your opinion, just that she wasn't worried about that aspect of the photo. 

[JTSW]

10 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

To say that it I don’t like her attitude and it’s bothering me.

You talk like this is all one sided when it isn't.

10 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

I’ve experienced this before and after a long time this builds up and eventually our relationship will end if she keeps doing this towards me.

You've experienced it with someone else?

Ever think the problem might be you then?

From what I've learned about you, it's clear that you are extremely paranoid.

You are also rather ignorant of her feelings, which is probably why she gets so frustrated and annoyed.

You take things too much to heart, which is also frustrating to her.

I think you should take some time to evaluate yourself before pinning all the blame on everyone but you.

Edited March 10, 2020 by JTSW

[JTSW]

10 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

Like what do you think of her saying that she don’t care about my opinion?

She didn't say she didn't care about your opinion, just that she didn't care about how an item of clothing looked.

Again another example of overreacting and taking things to heart. 

Edited March 10, 2020 by JTSW

[chillii]

She was only talking about not gvg a fk about the color thing she was more interested in the whole pic thing. And you've missed things she said or something too but yaknow , don't we all. But l'm afraid yeah , you are way too sensitive for her and she does sound like a grumpy one too for sure.

[Keeves1]

Marie’s best friend came over and this happened
 

Hello. 

Her friend needed a orange card in order to use the guest parking. My father had it so I ran over there to get it. My GF sat in her car but when I finally got to meet my GF’s best friend the whole vibe was off. She gave me a ugly look

So while I was ordering pizza on the phone she stared at me seriously with her side eye. 

When the pizza came I went to get it and I heard my GF saying «I don’t know but I get affected by it» and just all of a sudden stopped talking when I came back with my hands full of pizza.

Was she talking behind my back?

Edit: the whole atmosphere was weird. Marie becomes totally different person when she is with her friend. Also she don’t want to talk about her feelings and just acts like nothing happened by cuddling with me

Edited March 15, 2020 by Keeves1

[Miss Spider]

I bc agree with chilli. You’re being very sensitive and she’s being a bit of a brat Tbh 

[JTSW]

16 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

whole vibe was off. She gave me a ugly look

She doesn't approve.

16 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

Was she talking behind my back?

Women are entitled to talk to their friends. You clearly don't listen to her.

By what she said though, there is something about you that clearly bothers her.

You are far too sensitive and paranoid.

16 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

the whole atmosphere was weird.

Look, you are both clearly incompatible.

Why are you together if you're both so bothered by each other's behavior?

[Keeves1]

UPDATE: She cried and told the truth but she is still rude.

So I’m still writing about when Marie’s best friend came over. At the end of the day when we both were laying on the bed I told her what I felt. I told her that the vibe was off and that I needed an explaination for why she was so rude. Marie cried and admitted that she was rude to me and that she will not do it again. 
 

why was she rude? She tried to act like the boss telling me to do stuff for her. Almost like me being a slave. Things like blaming me for taking bacon off from pizza and putting it on mine when it just fell off normally.
 

Yesterday we had burgers and fries as dinner. I put my ketchup on the fries instead of having the ketchup on the side of the plate. Reason being because I did not have much place left on the plate. And then she said: «Oh you’re that kind of person» I think that was rude and I got angry. Why is she against everything I do? 

later she asked me to open the window and I told her in a aggresive voice that she needs to do it herself. 

She did not look happy afterwards and told me that she didn’t like my use of voice. I said that I can’t do everything for her and that she has to do it herself. 
 

 

Edited March 18, 2020 by Keeves1
Corrected some words (:

[Keeves1]

Just want to add that yes I overreacted when she said: «Oh you’re that type of person» because she didn’t say anything mean. I just think it was rude and I mainly got angry because I’ve had enough. Like she admitted it and said she would stop but then keeps on going? Do you see my point of view? 
 

 

[JTSW]

13 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

Oh you’re that kind of person

She didn't mean anything by that. You took offence to nothing.

14 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

later she asked me to open the window and I told her in a aggresive voice that she needs to do it herself. 

That was rude of you. So it's ok for you to be rude to her but you don't like it when she is rude to you.

Just now, Keeves1 said:

Do you see my point of view? 

No. I just see a guy that's overly sensitive over very trivial things. 

[JTSW]

Keeves1, you need to either get a grip or end it with her.

You're not right for each other.

[K.K.]

Hi Keeves 🙂 

I’m sorry to hear how it’s going with Maria. You do seem to be getting on each other’s nerves quite a bit. It’s funny ya know because usually when two people are arguing over trivial things like hogging the bacon off the pizza or how someone prefers to eat their ketchup, it goes well beyond those things. Deeper issues. Or maybe just incompatibilities yes.. that are rearing their ugly heads. 

I know that she feels the same bad feelings like ‘why is this happening’ because she cries and has remorse. She wants it fixed and you want it fixed. But it never gets fixed. This is the dilemma of every couple everywhere whose relationship didn’t work out. 

Maybe you’re just spending too much time together and need a break. Maybe tensions are too high to be able to think about it clearly. I’m not saying to give up just yet. I’m just thinking that it might do you both some good to take some time apart. An informal break. More chillin alone and less togetherness. To gauge how you feel. How she feels. 

Hope it works out for you both. A lot of times it doesn’t but you’re young and have your whole life in front of you. So look ahead of you, but also back sometimes to reminisce about your time with Maria, if it indeed goes that way. Love can drive you crazy sometimes, Keeves. That’s just the way it goes. Hang in there, buddy.