RF1980 Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Hey folks, I'm new here and I wasn't sure if this post should go here but because I think there may be some "feelings" involved I thought I would post here. I am a 40 yo straight male in a long term committed relationship with a woman I lover very much and I also happen to have a platonic female friend I have known for over ten years. My friend and I have always been pretty close but about six months ago she ended a long term relationship she had been in because of infidelity by her partner. Since then I have become somewhat of a confidante and a shoulder to cry on when she needs it. We don't really see each other in person that much, maybe once a month, but we do usually text several times per week and might talk on the phone once in a while. Anyway, my friend has always been pretty "talkative" in her text messages and usually returns my calls pretty quickly but at the end of last week it felt like she just abruptly pulled back on our friendship. And when I say "abrupt" I mean like over a period of a day or so. Just to put this in context - we texted pretty much every day during the week of New Years Eve all the way through Thursday and then things seemed to get weird. Ever since last Friday she has not initiated any contact with me and the few times I have texted her she will usually come with a pretty big response but then seems eager to end our text exchange. In addition, because I was working close to where she lives on Sunday, I suggested we might be able to grab coffee if she wanted to but she said she would have to get back to me later and then when I let her know it wasn't going to work she said she had got distracted and forgot about my message. So basically it seems like she had no plans to even get back to me, which was really odd considering just a few days earlier she had wanted to call me on New Years Eve - an idea from which I had to dissuade her because New Years Eve is reserved for my SO. I'm really not sure what to make of her behavior but part of me wonders if she has started seeing somebody but if that were the case I would be happy for her and I suspect she would have just told me because we're friends. The only other thought I had is that perhaps she has some feelings for me an felt like she needed to back away. Anyway, my initial reaction is to give her space and let her reach out when she is ready but then part of me feels like I should just ask her if everything between us is still cool because I don't like this feeling of "weirdness" I've had the past few days. Any suggestions or insight will be appreciated. Tx!
JTSW Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 Hi RF1980, Yes, give her space and let her come to you when she is ready. There could be a couple of factors for her sudden change in behavior. It is very possible that she developed strong feelings for you and backed off due to the fact that you have a GF. It is also very possible that she has met someone or even gone back to her ex but is ashamed to tell you. Who knows. She'll tell you when shes ready. Don't push her. 1
Author RF1980 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Posted January 10, 2020 Thanks for the response JTSW! I do think this is the best approach and but part of me also feels that since we've been friends for so long I should just call her and point blank as her if she is okay, and if we're okay, because perhaps it's nothing at all. Also, what makes this more difficult is that I have a big event opening this weekend, which she knows about, and I really could have used her support. I guess if I don't get a text and/or call from her wishing me good luck than I probably need to reach out and ask her what the heck is going on. She knows how important this is to me and regardless of whether she has feelings for me, is seeing someone or even back with her ex it would take about ten seconds for he to send me a text.
Recommended Posts