twatwa123 Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 In May 2018 I was dumped. In late September 2018 I met someone else. We have been seeing each other happily for almost 4 months. There's just one problem: I can't get over some of the things my ex said to me So before I met my ex, I was a virgin. (I'm 25 and she was 31 at the time of dumping, and we had been together for 6 months) ... we had sex once. It wasn't great. She knew I was a virgin. She complained that it wasn't romantic, that I didn't do anything (was nervous) that she couldn't feel anything, that I won't be able to sexually please her etc etc. She also said she couldn't feel anything because "you're not the biggest" (I'm between 4.5 and 5 inches, not entirely sure on the correct way to measure) .... her attitude was disgusting imo and it made future sex impossible. At the time I stupidly put it down to lack of experience. So yes, she was horrible to me and that moment onward was the start of the death of our relationship. So I have met someone else, who actually likes me.....and we have regular (good) sex...I please her, I take control etc. But i can't get these comments from my ex out of my head. Sometimes my mind thinks I'm too small and it messes up the erection. I know my current partner likes how I am downstairs, she tells me so. But I can't remove the comments from my mind. Any tips?
lurker74 Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 What your ex said to you was about her, not you. Confidence comes with experience so keep doing what you're doing and over time your confidence will build. Be sure to communicate with your partner so that you learn what she likes and understand that if she likes it, it doesn't mean anyone else will. And over some period of time, your bitter ex will fade. Mods will probably move this to the sex section, which is too bad because this is more about dating.
Author twatwa123 Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 One of the issues with my ex (not me) was her lack of communication. Me and my current partner have no issues whatsoever with sex, apart from I keep thinking I'm too small. I don't lack confidence in the bedroom. With my ex, her attitude was wrong (didn't realise this at the time, doh) , and I was nervous because before her I hadn't done it before. Since having sex with my current partner I have had no doubts in what to do. Please move to the sex section, mods.
Happy Lemming Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Maybe your ex was just "stretched out" from banging multiple guys or masturbating with large objects. You've heard the old saying about throwing a "hotdog down a hallway", she (ex) could be that hallway. I never pay attention to anything a woman says when she dumps me, it is usually filled with anger and vitriol. You are average, don't let your ex's comments fill any more time in your head.
Calmandfocused Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Phew! I thought we was going to read that you’ve been unable to have sex since. But luckily not. That’s a good position to be in op. I’m glad to hear that your ex hasn’t completely destroyed your confidence first and foremost. Good for you! A woman’s vagina is like an elastic band and can accommodate any size penis. It is a myth that a bigger penis is better. On the contrary of it is too big there is little pleasure for a woman as it hurts! It really is true that it’s not the size, it’s what you do with it that counts. Like happy lemming said, maybe the problem was with her and her vagina was too big. Multiple vaginal births can do that to a woman but that’s nothing to do with you. She needs to do some pelvic floor exercises to tighten herself up a bit. That’s not your fault op, it’s easier to blame the other party when we feel unsatisfied rather than look at ourselves. See it as inappropriate bit**y comments that doesn’t say anything about you but says plenty about her. im glad you’ve found a nicer girlfriend to have sex with op.
Lotsgoingon Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 It's easy for men to get caught up in expectations about our "masculinity." OP, you should know that the woman you dated who made the nasty remark ... was something you should NOT have been dating ... When she criticized or put you down for being a virgin, then them was your marching orders to leave. So you ended up hanging out and giving your heart to a thoroughly destructive person ... and she stung you ... as destructive people can do. It may take you some time ... but ... if your current woman seems happy, then that's real. But I know this is all intellectual and hard to pull off--hard to just erase those harsh words. But remember--if you were not the right person for her sexually, a kinder person would have simply ended the relationship without any putdowns. The lesson to learn is to date kinder people ... not to worry about your size.
fromheart Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 Well, you've been abused. If a man did that to a woman it would be regarded as nasty. The other way round and people don't react as much. Reason being, society is slow to recognize the abuse of men by women. If a woman speaks to you like that, you tell her to get the F out of your life on the spot. Learn to spot the signs of abusers in the early stages. This will pass, but you need to give yourself healing time. Your ex is getting older, she'll soon be the dried up old hag she deserves to be.
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 12, 2020 Posted January 12, 2020 OP, you might have to live with what she said, but she has to live with what she says... The same way she talked to you is the same way she talks to herself... You can escape that negativity, but she cannot... The joke is on her, not you.
Author twatwa123 Posted January 13, 2020 Author Posted January 13, 2020 Thanks everyone. I guess it’ll get better over time
Recommended Posts