We only dated for 3 months, I hurt him, he broke up with me. Now I cant stop thinking about him.

[d0nnivain]

Then you were wrong for talking to his friends about this.  You should have shut them down hard & told them in no uncertain terms to stop meddling in something that is not their business. 

Let's say he does have this medical condition.  His friends were dead wrong in telling you protected private health info him.  That should have come from him or not at all.  These friends sound horrible.  To the extent you stay involved with him how often will they interfere in your relationship & what gossip will they spread about you. 

Bottom line is if he broke up with you because "he felt like i wasn't really having fun and he felt like we are very different when it comes to personalities," he's not wrong.  You were uncomfortable.  You were so uncomfortable that you were hiding parts of yourself from him after dating for 3 months & you couldn't even let him help you up when you fell.  I would not want to continue dating somebody who hadn't kissed me after 3 months & who rebuffed my offer of help when they fell.  

Do find a way to be civil & professional.  You still have to work with this guy but I won't put a ton of effort into patching up the "romance" if you can call it that.  There are some serious issues on both sides.  You started this by saying you had sworn off men & you are biased against relationships characterizing "a lot of men" as "douchebags".  

[Legatus]

8 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

  Why else would they bother for such a short-lived relationship? I doubt they are that invested in his love life that they would intervene without his prior knowledge and encouragement. 

@abi1234 this is very important! Had they come out of their own volition they would have talked about how you guys feel, what can be done, etc. They went straight to explaining him, which I would think was a ploy to pave the way for him to text you. You can call it mediating but it's not. You shouldn't even entertain this idea and told them to go back to him and tell him you will talk to him and him only...

You turned him down. Good for you. You need to show him you won't take this crap all the time. If he really wanted to see you he would try harder but his response "forget" just screams lack of maturity, as somebody else already pointed out.

[JTSW]

He seriously overreacted over nothing.

You weren't being hurtful.

The guy clearly has problems if he breaks up with someone so easily.

I think CookiesandDough is right, that he just used that as an excuse.

[stillafool]

The fact that his odor comes from a medical condition pretty much says he is always on the brink of smelling bad.  I'd have to pass on him because of my weak stomach.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

19 hours ago, elaine567 said:

That is not due to just missing a shower or two, that is something else, 
Bacterial Vaginosis, Trichomoniais or a forgotten tampon are the most likely causes.

Agreed. The whole "women smell like seafood when they skip a shower" line is false and, quite frankly, played out.

[fromheart]

Well, if a woman couldn't wash herself I'd dump her.  You gave him the opportunity to act like a civilized human being and he didn't.  Nothing lost.

[rjc149]

21 hours ago, elaine567 said:

That is not due to just missing a shower or two, that is something else, 
Bacterial Vaginosis, Trichomoniais or a forgotten tampon are the most likely causes.

Definitely not a forgotten tampon. The missed shower made it astoundingly horrendous odor that I could smell with her simply being in the bedroom. And she seemed totally oblivious to the bedroom smelling like a garbage dumpster with a dead raccoon in it, I didn't get it. I never looked up the WebMD on it, but it was consistent, every time we had sex. She would also nag me to go down on her  when I could only do positions where my nose was as far upwind as possible. 

But I couldn't bring myself to tell her and make her that self conscious. She was a really sweet girl. I just told her I couldn't do a relationship because I was still hung up on my ex, which was a lie. 

[elaine567]

Quote

Fish odor syndrome is characterized by an offensive body odor and the smell of rotting fish due to the excessive excretion of trimethylaminuria (TMA) in the urine, sweat, and breath of affected individuals. Fish odor syndrome is caused by mutations in the FMO3 gene.

Could be ^^^this.

[stillafool]

G-R-O-S-S!!!!!  I'm surprised you didn't start throwing up.  How could you put your penis in that?  YUK

[rjc149]

3 minutes ago, stillafool said:

G-R-O-S-S!!!!!  I'm surprised you didn't start throwing up.  How could you put your penis in that?  YUK

Red wine. 

[Miss Spider]

Lost it at dead raccoon. Hygiene is a nonnegotiable for me 

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Personal hygiene has always been a make it or break it kind of deal.  I liked a guy until he showed up smelly to a party,  have never lost a crush that fast.

[gaius]

It sounds like between being an introvert and swearing off men you might have isolated yourself from a lot of other options. And when we don't have a lot of options sometimes we tend to focus on a bad one for too long.

He not only stinks but he's so weak that he freaks out when you mention it. It's tough to find a good guy out there nowadays but not that tough finding something better than that.

[abi1234]

Just a small update on what happened later, so he asked me to see me and he wanted to fix things and stuff. But i took my time to think about it, i'm not that hurt to lose this guy, i was just afraid to be single again. I don't even really like him and that's what i noticed on our getaway, he was just filling my time. Also, his friends interfering a lot ruined the thing for us to communicate healthily. He is immature and yes he was the one who sent his friends to talk to me and then sent a message at night as a tactic that they "convinced" him. The truth is i was nothing but nice to him, if i was harsh on him in the getaway that's because he made me treat him this way. He told his friends that i treated him like his "mother", well that's true because he was acting like a kid. Do i want to raise a kid or be in a stable relationship with a mature man? That's why i told him there's nothing to talk about anymore and to stop contacting me. He shouldn't have dumped me in the first place, i would have communicated with him and be more patient if he didnt dump me after me being super caring and loving. I am literally better than him and he was too fragile to admire that. To change for him before me. Also, i also don't buy this "medical" excuse anymore. I've heard that he always stink at the office and that two days ago his smell was terrible at the office. NOPE, I'm way better than that and he DUMPED me. it's over, i let it go.

[JTSW]

Good for you.

I once worked with a guy who who smelt really bad all the time.

He was a really nice guy though.

No medical issue, just seldom washed. 

He would go weeks without a shower and sometimes wear the same clothes a few days running. it was awful.

The big boss ended up having a word with him about his hygiene and that he needed to shower and maintain a professional appearance in the office.

He listened and cleaned himself up.

He is now married with a daughter.

[Dimjo9]

On 1/9/2020 at 6:44 AM, abi1234 said:

I (F29) was done with men and dating, i've been heartbroken many times and although i know i have my flaws, but i know I have a lot to give.

 

After being single for a while, a colleague of mine from another department, started hitting on me. He was not really my type, but i always heard he is a gentleman, someone that can be trusted and is ultimately a good guy. 

We started going out at the beginning of October and i surprisingly started liking him, i felt secure and safe. He apologizes when he makes a mistake, he is consistent in his communication, he listens to me, he makes me laugh.He was really into me as well, telling all his family ( including parents), friends about me, he was so excited about us. 

I started really falling for him when he insisted we spent the new years eve together with some of his friends in a chalet in the mountains for 3 days. I immediately felt insecure because i an introvert and he would know some stuff about me i am not ready to show. 

We went to the mountains and whilst we were having fun, it bugged me that he didnt shower for two days, so i made a mistake and jokingly told him " have a shower you stinky head". I have to add here that we never kissed, we just hugged or kissed on the cheek, he is kind of conservative and he doesnt do anything physical in the first stages, i liked that, it meant that he really enjoys my company.

But in the mountains, we were sitting so close all the time, and i discovered that he is not that hygienic, other colleagues also told me that he smells sometimes, although this is something fixable for me if we communicated about it, he didn't take my joke so well. He pretended he was having fun until we went back home, where he stopped talking to me until next day when I asked him i need to know what is going on.

He called me and told me he didnt expect the getaway would be like that, that he was so excited to spend it with me but i embarrassed him in front of his friends when i said this joke. I also slipped on the ice when we were on the snow, i didnt let him help me because i was embarassed how i fell in front of a lot of people ( he said he didnt like that i did that).

I started crying and told him that i am introvert and i dont know how to deal with such situations, that I'm sorry if i said this word(s***head) but it was for his sake because he indeed isnt hygienic and should take care of himself. 

He didn't want to work on it, said he already had a bad breakup 1 year ago and doesn't want to give another chances, All of our mutual friends, tried to talk to him, that he is doing a mistake losing me and we were compatible and into each other. He just said it's over and what happened in the mountains made him change his mind about me.

 

6 days later i am still dwelling on it, i know i should let it go, but i thought he is a decent man that i can trust and communicate with. He just shut me down, i still see him at work from time to time, i said hi to him 3 days ago and he didnt answer. I sent him " I miss you" text today and he didnt answer.

Should i let go?

 

 

Hi. Personal Hygiene is very important as it keep us healthy. 

 

On 1/9/2020 at 6:44 AM, abi1234 said:

I (F29) was done with men and dating, i've been heartbroken many times and although i know i have my flaws, but i know I have a lot to give.

 

After being single for a while, a colleague of mine from another department, started hitting on me. He was not really my type, but i always heard he is a gentleman, someone that can be trusted and is ultimately a good guy. 

We started going out at the beginning of October and i surprisingly started liking him, i felt secure and safe. He apologizes when he makes a mistake, he is consistent in his communication, he listens to me, he makes me laugh.He was really into me as well, telling all his family ( including parents), friends about me, he was so excited about us. 

I started really falling for him when he insisted we spent the new years eve together with some of his friends in a chalet in the mountains for 3 days. I immediately felt insecure because i an introvert and he would know some stuff about me i am not ready to show. 

We went to the mountains and whilst we were having fun, it bugged me that he didnt shower for two days, so i made a mistake and jokingly told him " have a shower you stinky head". I have to add here that we never kissed, we just hugged or kissed on the cheek, he is kind of conservative and he doesnt do anything physical in the first stages, i liked that, it meant that he really enjoys my company.

But in the mountains, we were sitting so close all the time, and i discovered that he is not that hygienic, other colleagues also told me that he smells sometimes, although this is something fixable for me if we communicated about it, he didn't take my joke so well. He pretended he was having fun until we went back home, where he stopped talking to me until next day when I asked him i need to know what is going on.

He called me and told me he didnt expect the getaway would be like that, that he was so excited to spend it with me but i embarrassed him in front of his friends when i said this joke. I also slipped on the ice when we were on the snow, i didnt let him help me because i was embarassed how i fell in front of a lot of people ( he said he didnt like that i did that).

I started crying and told him that i am introvert and i dont know how to deal with such situations, that I'm sorry if i said this word(s***head) but it was for his sake because he indeed isnt hygienic and should take care of himself. 

He didn't want to work on it, said he already had a bad breakup 1 year ago and doesn't want to give another chances, All of our mutual friends, tried to talk to him, that he is doing a mistake losing me and we were compatible and into each other. He just said it's over and what happened in the mountains made him change his mind about me.

 

6 days later i am still dwelling on it, i know i should let it go, but i thought he is a decent man that i can trust and communicate with. He just shut me down, i still see him at work from time to time, i said hi to him 3 days ago and he didnt answer. I sent him " I miss you" text today and he didnt answer.

Should i let go?

 

 

Hi,

Personal Hygiene is important as it keeps us healthy & clean. Your only mistake is slip of the tongue in front of everyone.

Apologize & talk to him about it just the 2 of you. Hygiene can be practice into a good habit, you just have to be open about it. Depends also on the culture & upbringing of a person.

You guys will be good don't worry.. He's pride is taking over for now.. Give him space & time he will talk to you.

[Sinful]

On 1/10/2020 at 4:54 PM, rjc149 said:

Definitely not a forgotten tampon. The missed shower made it astoundingly horrendous odor that I could smell with her simply being in the bedroom. And she seemed totally oblivious to the bedroom smelling like a garbage dumpster with a dead raccoon in it, I didn't get it. I never looked up the WebMD on it, but it was consistent, every time we had sex. She would also nag me to go down on her  when I could only do positions where my nose was as far upwind as possible. 

 Come on man how could you let that go on for multiple times?? The very 1st time I would've told her she needed to get herself checked out as she could have an infection. And when you broke it off without telling her so now she probably still oblivious with the next partner