mundane Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 I’m not sure if this is the right place to post. I have a gym crush. We are FB friends. It’s been a year since I had this crush. However something happened last night at the gym and it’s really bothering me. Could I be overthinking all of this? I’ve been trying to figure out her sexuality gay or bi or straight (Im a gay woman). There are pics of her with other lesbian women that’s why Im wondering. Our interactions has been minimal. I was confused by her behavior. Sometimes she says hi, laughs and smiles or meets my eyes and walks into someone. Other times it’s like I don’t exist. I’ve tried getting to know her but she appears to be really reserved. She likes my stuff on fb. Even made a sarcastic comment but not sure is she was serious or playing around. She told me once she was shy. I can’t tell if she likes me as a human being or hates me. I posted something on Facebook to see if I could get a reaction about asking a woman out I like for coffee and why am I so scared to do it. Yes I know passive aggressive and immature. So last night at the gym I was on a piece of cardio equipment. I saw her out of the corner of my eye heading for a machine directly in front of me. (There were three empty machines there) I swear she must saw me turned around and went to the very end of the row far from me. It really made me bad. I never initiate conversation with her (neither does she) it’s just weird interactions we have occasionally. I don’t stare at her. I scope out the room and will see her but I don’t do anything creepy. When she does pass me she says hi plus my name. I am also guilty of avoiding her at the gym and will walk the other direction if I see her. I do this bc I like her but am scared of being rejected. I’m going to move on from this now but it bothered me. I had hoped we would eventually become friends. Hopeless.
kendahke Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) It doesn't sound like she's checking for you, despite the FB interaction and what not. Until she actually shows demonstrative interest, I'd go with she's not interested and she's too moody to try and get a read on her. It's interesting because this year is the year I've begun defriending people on social media who have not had a conversation with me in over 4 years... mostly those people were peripheral folks I've worked with but really didn't spend any time getting to know. FB and social media give a false sense of friendship and tends to make one think that there is more of a connection when in reality, if FB and social media didn't exist, they wouldn't be giving out the time of day. Edited January 8, 2020 by kendahke
Ruby Slippers Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 This sounds like teenage stuff. Why not just strike up a conversation and get to know her as a person?
Author mundane Posted January 8, 2020 Author Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) I said this was immature in my post. I have tried to start conversation. I asked her to show me excercise sometime to help with strength. Her response what your doing is fine. Another time I asked if the spin group ever gets together to bike. She said sometimes. I brought up cycling on weekend or after work. She said I have a dog. I was like I have a elderly cat. It was weird. I can’t tell if she likes me as a human being or hates me. right before Christmas I asked her some questions and during class she looked at me, smile, laugh etc... after class she seemed nervous when I stuck around and kept looking at me smiling. Then back to hi my first name and quickly looks down at ground while walking past me. I’m just overthinking and trying to read in between the lines on something that isn’t there. Edited January 8, 2020 by mundane Adding
preraph Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 It doesn't sound like much interest. she doesn't hate you or she wouldn't be liking stuff on Facebook but that doesn't mean she wants to go out with you or whatever. Sounds like she just says hi if you're right in front of her to be polite.
Author mundane Posted January 8, 2020 Author Posted January 8, 2020 That’s what I figured. Just was overthinking and wanted to ask.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 The way I read it, she certainly doesn't hate you but she isn't interested in becoming friendlier either. Perhaps she senses that you are into her and she is trying to maintain some distance to discourage you from making an advance.
Author mundane Posted January 8, 2020 Author Posted January 8, 2020 Now that you put it that way I feel like a complete idiot. Ha ha.. I’m not sure how to handle myself now when I see her. I guess just act disinterested and aloof. I thought I was acting that way all this time but must have been giving those vibes. Ty for the honest posts bc I was obviously reading into everything. I had my blinders on.
smackie9 Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 Just remember if they want to be in your space all the time, good chances are they are interested.
fishlips Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 I doubt she's intimidated by your being gay if she takes pictures with other lesbian women. However, unless she really shows some interest in you as a friend, there isn't much point in pursuing this. What led to you adding her as a Facebook friend?
Author mundane Posted January 8, 2020 Author Posted January 8, 2020 I added her out of curiosity. I thought she was gay and sometimes social media is the best way to find out about someone. However appears to be a very private person. From there my curiosity grew and grew until it couldn’t grow anymore.
schlumpy Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Back off and use social media to show her who you are. Talk about your interests and hobbies and let her see that side of you that explores the world. Then it's up to her if she finds it attractive or not. If you are making her nervous that's a really bad sign.
Author mundane Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 I am letting this go. I will never pursue her. I was crazy in my fantasy of her..like crushes go... I’m not going to embarrass myself in front of someone who is clearly not interested. 1
K.K. Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Just don’t be weird with her at all and this can be salvaged like it never even happened. Just smile and treat her like you would anybody else, don’t show any ill feelings towards her or advance any further. Then it will become very ... weird Just play it cool and ... keep it movin. That’s your safest bet at this point. Update often this is interesting.
Author mundane Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 Ha Ha it is interesting isn’t it. I’ve already ruined it all. I already came off as weird/awkward. Last night I avoided her.. acted aloof as I normally do. I saw her friends watching me in the mirror during class. Ughh... I’m not imaging that I swear. They loudly said hi to me. She said hi to someone I was talking to in locker room and totally avoided looking at me. Then the anxiety kicked in. I might need to start going to a different class for awhile bc I’m feeling really stupid and crazy.
K.K. Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 That’s nuts. Why would she act like that? It’s not like you walked up and pulled her pants down! I don’t get it.
Author mundane Posted January 9, 2020 Author Posted January 9, 2020 Maybe she doesn’t want me to ask her out so that’s how she is deterring me by not showing interest or thinks I’m a weirdo and doesn’t want have to talk to me. Or maybe it’s all in my head bc of anxiety. I also have a tendency to act like I’m disinterested. I’ve been told by people they can’t read me. I’ll keep posting bc I will most likely run into her later. 1
K.K. Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Well if you think about it, all you did was add her on Facebook and she accepted. She accepted. So it can’t be that bad. Your mind might be playing tricks on you. You’re not really sure what she thinks so just be confident. Easy breezy. Let me know what happens today. 1
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Maybe she just wanted to be friends, but got that vibe you were thinking of something else, so she puts on the cold shoulder act to set boundaries.
fishlips Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 (edited) You didn't do anything wrong. If she wants to pursue something, she will let you know. If not, just keep being yourself and move on. If she is weirded out by you being gay, then it's her problem, not yours. I think you're making this more awkward than it needs to be. Edited January 9, 2020 by fishlips
schlumpy Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 1 hour ago, fishlips said: If she is weirded out by you being gay, then it's her problem, not yours. The locker room comment in the previous post? I wondered about that but I thought maybe they meant outside the locker room. Nice catch on your part.
Miss Spider Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 She’s shy so her behavior could mean anything. Honestly, you won’t know until you ask her out and risk rejection. Rejection sucks but so does a life full of what could have been. 2
CLS63AMG Posted January 11, 2020 Posted January 11, 2020 (edited) On 1/8/2020 at 3:16 PM, smackie9 said: Just remember if they want to be in your space all the time, good chances are they are interested. You would think so but I just went through a case where it wasn't and it really left me scratching my head. We met as friends (same pets) and met up several times, still under the guise as "friends" but since she had began texting me I figured we were moving forward, but it was still all based around our pets. She even invited me over, I thought that was a great sign. Said next time I'll have her over to my place, she said "great". So I asked a couple days later, got some excuse, asked again, excuse and finally once more (these were all good reasons, I wasn't being a creep). I simply realized all she wanted was a pet friend and since that's not what I am looking for I cut ties. It eerked me a little bit. I am single, she's single, same age, same pets, live on the same street, were meeting up 4-5 times a week etc. Edited January 11, 2020 by CLS63AMG
Author mundane Posted January 11, 2020 Author Posted January 11, 2020 The more I think about it I realized I was infatuated and read into every single thing. If I did that with everyone then that means everyone has a crush on me. Ha ha... I saw her today. We did not speak and I did not look at her. I think I make her uncomfortable.
smackie9 Posted January 11, 2020 Posted January 11, 2020 (edited) 12 hours ago, CLS63AMG said: You would think so but I just went through a case where it wasn't and it really left me scratching my head. We met as friends (same pets) and met up several times, still under the guise as "friends" but since she had began texting me I figured we were moving forward, but it was still all based around our pets. She even invited me over, I thought that was a great sign. Said next time I'll have her over to my place, she said "great". So I asked a couple days later, got some excuse, asked again, excuse and finally once more (these were all good reasons, I wasn't being a creep). I simply realized all she wanted was a pet friend and since that's not what I am looking for I cut ties. It eerked me a little bit. I am single, she's single, same age, same pets, live on the same street, were meeting up 4-5 times a week etc. Being in your space is only part of an indication you need to...ask yourself, was she trying to get close to you? she try light touching? flirting? does she lean into you while talking to you? Did she start dressing a little sexier/prettier? Did the conversation go towards going out dating? You said the conversation only revolved around the pets...that right there is friend zone stuff. Meeting up to walk the dogs/pets is just that, walking the dogs/pets. Did she over step? Ya she did. She should have drawn the line at giving her number and inviting you over. My guess is that she thought by just talking about the pets was a way of setting a boundary that this is as far as it goes. I'm sure this was a lesson learned. Edited January 11, 2020 by smackie9
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