alphamale Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 1 minute ago, Malin889 said: Yes, we went out last night and had fun. Against some people's opinions, I nudged him and he asked me out. We joked about it on our date, and he said that his co-workers and family kept asking him, what's up with the girl, the weekend's coming, have you made plans with her yet, etc etc, and he said no, and realized he should have made plans with me sooner. He said he's been out of the dating game for a while and wasn't sure what to do. I told him he's setting up/asking/planning the date for the next time. did you two have sex??
Author Malin889 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Posted January 10, 2020 8 minutes ago, alphamale said: did you two have sex?? No, absolutely not. It was our second date. We went out for drinks.
alphamale Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 10 minutes ago, Malin889 said: No, absolutely not. It was our second date. We went out for drinks. Good
Miss Spider Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 Awesome. I’m glad to hear you had a great date!! With that being said, I don’t want to negative, but I need to give my honest opinion because I always want the same. The reason it’s advised women don’t ask out the guy for the first few dates is because men traditionally have that role in our culture. Even though there are a ton of exceptions, it still overall remains and they know it. So ultimately, waiting for them to take the reigns in that way is a way to gauge the interest of the guy. This is doubly true if the woman is intuitively having doubts about the man’s interest. Many men will accept a date from a woman they have the smallest of interest in because men are much more rarely pursued. So what happens when the woman pursues is usually a few more dates until things fizzle out. So yea, maybe he was extremely nervous about being rejected. I hope this guy steps up to the plate now that the ball is in his court.
NuevoYorko Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 On 1/7/2020 at 3:38 PM, Malin889 said: Is this a rule?! No. It's a game. If you are very interested in a man, he asks you out for a Saturday on a Thursday, and you turn him down because some folk on the Internet told you that's a "rule," you've done yourself a disservice. If you feel like going, please do go. He just met you. Maybe he is changing plans for the weekend to accommodate you. Maybe he just can't stop thinking of you and finally calls. Who the F knows. No point in trying to "teach him a lesson" when the only "lesson" he's likely to learn is that you're not interested, and NEXT. Speaking from the perspective of a man who's been on OLD, being turned down for a date after a positive meet communicates to me "she's not interested" and NOT "wow, Thursday was too late, I better call earlier next time." If I were to try asking her out for the next day, it would only be if something extra cool came up and I wanted her to join me, which I would tell her. If you feel like asking him out and that's within your comfort zone, ask. Not many women have asked me out but when they have, at least one of those dates turned into a LTR. I certainly haven't taken it as a negative. If she comes off as desperate, crowding or clingy, I would back away. This is more likely to manifest in texting. If you are "traditional" and not comfortable with asking a man out, or if you'll be prone to overthinking and beating yourself up if it doesn't work out, don't do it. If he shows you a pattern of keeping you waiting til the last minute, I agree that it's a bad sign. Pattern is the key. You'll know this by the 3rd real date. Good luck. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 I'm glad you had a good second date, but I agree with Cookiesandough. Wasn't sure what to do??? Asking a woman on the next date is not rocket science. Hopefully he wakes up from his nap soon. 2 hours ago, Malin889 said: He said he's been out of the dating game for a while and wasn't sure what to do. 1
Miss Spider Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 Yea the “didn’t know what to do” is definitely weird and would have been extremely unattractive to me, but Like I said, I hope there’s a match here
FMW Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 How old is he? How long has he been "out of the dating game"? Younger people might not realize it, but if you are coupled for many years and just getting out into the singles scene again, it really can take a while to get back into the swing of things. I was married 23 years, been divorced for 3 1/2 and I still sometimes am stumped by "the rules". So I read opinions on this forum, hear what my friends say, but then basically just do what feels right to me. If I miss a date along the way because of that, I'm thinking it's no big loss. But then again I'm not worried about getting married or having children, so age makes a lot of difference.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 16 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Yea the “didn’t know what to do” is definitely weird and would have been extremely unattractive to me, but Like I said, I hope there’s a match here Agreed. I never would have nudged the guy in the first place, but yeah, competence in a partner is attractive and necessary. 1
Author Malin889 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Posted January 10, 2020 1 hour ago, Finding my way said: How old is he? How long has he been "out of the dating game"? Younger people might not realize it, but if you are coupled for many years and just getting out into the singles scene again, it really can take a while to get back into the swing of things. I was married 23 years, been divorced for 3 1/2 and I still sometimes am stumped by "the rules". So I read opinions on this forum, hear what my friends say, but then basically just do what feels right to me. If I miss a date along the way because of that, I'm thinking it's no big loss. But then again I'm not worried about getting married or having children, so age makes a lot of difference. Thank you Finding My Way, I agree with you! He's 50 and I don't know how long he was married, but I know his oldest kid is in college, and he's been divorced almost 3 years. He has taken his time to getting back into the dating game because he wanted to make sure his kids were all set with everything before he jumped back into it. His kids actually have been encouraging him to date, which is sweet. I think he's sweet, he seems like a great normal guy. I think it's promising and I think he'll step up to the plate, I have faith in him. I liked that he told his friends and family about our first date. They were all giving him advice so hopefully they'll help him! In the meantime, I'm still chatting with others on the dating site as to not put all my eggs into one basket. Even though I really hope there's a 3rd date! 1
Author Malin889 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Posted January 10, 2020 1 hour ago, Ruby Slippers said: Agreed. I never would have nudged the guy in the first place, but yeah, competence in a partner is attractive and necessary. To each his own. He is very competent and very attractive!
Lotsgoingon Posted January 11, 2020 Posted January 11, 2020 He didn't know what to do? Surely that excuse makes no sense. You can go up to an elementary school kid, the most awkward one ... and ask them, "hey after you go out with a girl you have a crush on, what's the next step?" They will say "go out again and have more fun." This guy might have some huge gaps in his social competence ... which ... hey can be fine, but he better own this. Literally there is no way that excuse makes sense. People who have not dated once in their lives ... know you arrange a second meeting. In fact, this isn't something you need to know. You just do it. You enjoy eating ice cream. No one has to tell you that you can ask for ice cream again. 1
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