Girl I dated two years ago who broke things off added me on FB two weeks ago. Should I wish her happy birthday on her wall or avoid?

[amazonrambo]

Girl I dated two years ago who broke things off recently added me to Facebook. Her birthday is soon, should I wish her happy birthday on her wall or avoid?

I know I’m overthinking this so I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible.

A girl I dated towards the end of 2017 addrd me on facebook two weeks ago and liked one of my statuses. I thought it was random seeing as we haven’t spoken since and we never had each other on Facebook previously. At least it was nice to see she’s doing okay, however I’m surprised she’s been single since.

We only went on four dates but there seemed to be a lot of chemistry, until date four when she started acting distant and not wanting to kiss by saying she was too ill, etc. I remember the whole “break off speech” that it was due to my lack of communication even though we texted nearly every day, so I never really bought that. I’m also sure she mentioned I reminded her of “one of her uni friends” but I can’t be totally sure.

Anyway, to the point... It’s her birthday on the 7th and I was wondering if I should write happy birthday on her wall or avoid contact? I know it sounds silly, but I don’t want to look like I’m trying to reach out to her again when she was the one who originally broke communication off, etc.

[d0nnivain]

How did she add you without your consent?  You had to have accepted the friend request.  It makes no sense why you would give some EX you haven't seen in 2 years that kind of insight into your life. Moreover why do you want to see pictures of her & her new BF? 

That said, since you are now social media friends, writing happy birthday doesn't exactly take effort.  I doubt it will be seen as an indication you are chasing her.  N.B. -- her desire to feel more popular by adding random people just to up her "friend" count is not an indication that she wants you back in her life in any meaningful way.  

[Miss Spider]

Yea honestly she’ll barely notice. Move on.

Edited January 6, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[amazonrambo]

3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

How did she add you without your consent?  You had to have accepted the friend request.  It makes no sense why you would give some EX you haven't seen in 2 years that kind of insight into your life. Moreover why do you want to see pictures of her & her new BF? 

That said, since you are now social media friends, writing happy birthday doesn't exactly take effort.  I doubt it will be seen as an indication you are chasing her.  N.B. -- her desire to feel more popular by adding random people just to up her "friend" count is not an indication that she wants you back in her life in any meaningful way.  

She isn’t my ex. We went out on four dates but she started going distant, stopped seeing me due to lack of communication (which I didn’t buy at the time as we were talking most days).

I accepted her because sure why not. She didn’t hurt me like cheating on me, etc, she just wasn’t feeling it at the time I guess.

From what I can see she’s single and has been since, but even if she was with someone I’d be happy for her. I’m really surprised she hasn’t to be honest. 
 

And yeah I get that, but we don’t have mutual friends so she’d have had to have searched for me. It seemed a bit odd at the time. I get what you mean though, she’d have messaged me if she actually wanted to get back in touch

 

She’s my past anyway and dating isn’t really on my mind at the moment, but if I am to get back into dating, it’ll be someone new.

[kendahke]

1 hour ago, amazonrambo said:

Girl I dated two years ago who broke things off added me on FB two weeks ago. Should I wish her happy birthday on her wall or avoid?

What will this accomplish in your estimation? 

Has she added you and then let you drift or has she been contacting you?

[snowboy91]

She may want to just be friends with you. Or she might be willing to give dating you another try. Very hard to tell at this point - but either way a "happy birthday" message can't hurt.

What do you want from her? Do you want to be friends, date her again or do you just want her to leave you alone?

[amazonrambo]

7 hours ago, snowboy91 said:

She may want to just be friends with you. Or she might be willing to give dating you another try. Very hard to tell at this point - but either way a "happy birthday" message can't hurt.

What do you want from her? Do you want to be friends, date her again or do you just want her to leave you alone?

This is where I’m confused. I’m not bothered about dating and I’ve been prioritising saving up money etc, but would be open to meeting someone. I liked her at the time and still find her attractive but I’d rather not go for someone who had her reasons for stopping seeing me, so this is why I’d rather avoid any contact by talking to her (I didn’t see accepting her friend request as a problem).

If she was to reach out to me then sure, but right now I’d rather not

Edited January 7, 2020 by amazonrambo

[PegNosePete]

10 hours ago, amazonrambo said:

I accepted her because sure why not.

Your reason is totally vague and carefree, yet you're twisting yourself into knots on an internet forum whether you should wish her a happy birthday or not?

If I were you I'd simply move on, and in future don't add friends on social media unless they are actually your friends. It makes life sooo much simpler.

 

[basil67]

If you wish every social media friend Happy Birthday, then wish it to her too.   If you don't care about doing such things, then don't bother.  (From someone who has just removed their birthday from publication because all the HB's are quite unnecessary)

[amazonrambo]

22 hours ago, kendahke said:

What will this accomplish in your estimation? 

Has she added you and then let you drift or has she been contacting you?

Added, liked one of my statuses then let me drift. I’d reciprocate contact if she reached out but wouldn’t initiate it myself as she decided to put a stop to it previously 

[alphamale]

On 1/6/2020 at 3:52 PM, d0nnivain said:

How did she add you without your consent? 

i'd like to know that also

[amazonrambo]

4 minutes ago, alphamale said:

i'd like to know that also

I accepted it, like I do with anyone I know to some degree

[alphamale]

2 minutes ago, amazonrambo said:

I accepted it, like I do with anyone I know to some degree

I would NEVER accept a friends request from someone who broke up with me.  If I broke up with her it would be a different matter.

[amazonrambo]

16 minutes ago, alphamale said:

I would NEVER accept a friends request from someone who broke up with me.  If I broke up with her it would be a different matter.

We were never in a relationship, she just stopped wanting to date

[alphamale]

46 minutes ago, amazonrambo said:

We were never in a relationship, she just stopped wanting to date

and you want to be FB Friends with someone that rejected you?

[rjc149]

You went on a few dates, never really hooked up, she didn't feel it going anywhere so she broke it off. I'm guessing, and I could be wrong, because by date #4, you still never made a real move on her and you were not, as the man, taking the budding relationship to a physical level, which women expect the man to do. 

2 years later, she figures there's no hard feelings, and most women are socially-conscious and want to have a long Facebook friends list, so she's adding you to her pile. 

No, do not wish her a happy birthday. She should mean nothing to you at this point 2 years later. Wishing her a happy birthday when you had no real relationship with her will make you another one of her orbiters. Don't validate her anymore. In fact, I would unfriend her and move on with your life. 

[amazonrambo]

20 hours ago, alphamale said:

and you want to be FB Friends with someone that rejected you?

I don’t see why that’d be a problem. She can have fun watching me going out with other girls, her fault for adding me haha

[amazonrambo]

2 hours ago, rjc149 said:

You went on a few dates, never really hooked up, she didn't feel it going anywhere so she broke it off. I'm guessing, and I could be wrong, because by date #4, you still never made a real move on her and you were not, as the man, taking the budding relationship to a physical level, which women expect the man to do. 

2 years later, she figures there's no hard feelings, and most women are socially-conscious and want to have a long Facebook friends list, so she's adding you to her pile. 

No, do not wish her a happy birthday. She should mean nothing to you at this point 2 years later. Wishing her a happy birthday when you had no real relationship with her will make you another one of her orbiters. Don't validate her anymore. In fact, I would unfriend her and move on with your life. 

We actually did have plans to stay over the following date but it never got to that. I wish everyone on my Facebook happy birthday whether I have any connection to them or not. I’ll probably unfriend her but it will make me look annoyed/like something is wrong. If anything I shouldn’t have accepted tbh

[amazonrambo]

I ended up writing happy birthday last night as I did with two others who’s birthday it was. I’ll probably just deactivate facebook anyway as I only use it on and off, twitter is more my thing.

Always end up doing the wrong thing anyway so at least I won’t now

[rjc149]

5 minutes ago, amazonrambo said:

I wish everyone on my Facebook happy birthday whether I have any connection to them or not. 

This is a practice you will eventually find exhausting and unnecessary. 90% of the people in your life aren't owed the courtesy of online birthday wishes. 

 

7 minutes ago, amazonrambo said:

I’ll probably unfriend her but it will make me look annoyed/like something is wrong.

Who cares? 

[alphamale]

19 minutes ago, amazonrambo said:

I don’t see why that’d be a problem. She can have fun watching me going out with other girls, her fault for adding me haha

so now you want to make her jealous? WTF

[Miss Spider]

12 minutes ago, amazonrambo said:

I ended up writing happy birthday last night as I did with two others who’s birthday it was. I’ll probably just deactivate facebook anyway as I only use it on and off, twitter is more my thing.

Always end up doing the wrong thing anyway so at least I won’t now

Don’t deactivate it. It’s not a big deal!  I wish people I barely know whose bday’s pop up in my notices Happy Birthday and the same has been done to me. It means nothing but a nice, 2 second gesture. I don’t think she gave it anymore thought. She’s not interested in dating you so you shouldn’t give this anymore thought either. Focus on new chicks 

Edited January 8, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[amazonrambo]

18 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Don’t deactivate it. It’s not a big deal!  I wish people I barely know whose bday’s pop up in my notices Happy Birthday and the same has been done to me. It means nothing but a nice, 2 second gesture. I don’t think she gave it anymore thought. She’s not interested in dating you so you shouldn’t give this anymore thought either. Focus on new chicks 

I ended up just removing the happy birthday as I probably shouldn’t have, not sure she saw it anyway as she liked the others not mine but should’ve just gone with what I planned, staying silent. I don’t think I’ll remove her facebook either as I don’t use it enough or even share much of my life on there lol.. Probably post a status every couple of months if it’s significant or a relationship update. 
 

Unless you guys feel unfriending her would be better? But again, I’m not on there much so wouldn’t make much of a difference.

Edited January 8, 2020 by amazonrambo

[rjc149]

Aw dude, you deleted the happy birthday post? 

Not sure how much more damage you can do at this point lol. I would just leave it and forget about this girl forever. 

Unfriend her so you can delete her from your life completely and get over it already. 

[amazonrambo]

10 minutes ago, rjc149 said:

Aw dude, you deleted the happy birthday post? 

Not sure how much more damage you can do at this point lol. I would just leave it and forget about this girl forever. 

Unfriend her so you can delete her from your life completely and get over it already. 

Was that bad? Eh I can’t even be bothered any more, always do the wrong things