Author Allisondave61 Posted January 7, 2020 Author Posted January 7, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Calmandfocused said: I think there’s some “princess syndrome” going on here. You want your partner to be your “knight in shining armour” who will look after you, take care of you and solve all your problems. I think that’s the reason why you haven’t made your financial responsibilities a priority, even though you’re 30 years old. Deep down you’re hoping that you won’t need to worry about it and that your boyfriend will sort it all out for you. This explains why you got so hysterical about the holiday payment. Op, I say this with love: you do need to grow up somewhat and take care of yourself at the age you are. Your parents nor your partner should be taking care of you at your age. I strongly suspect that your emotional and physical dependency is contributing to your boyfriends patience wearing thin with you. If you want to keep him, show him some strength and independence. In other words look after yourself, manage your own money and learn to emotionally regulate. In all respect, I think there is a misunderstanding. I am not looking for anyone to care for me. Hell the first six months of our relationship I was driving to his house every weekend, 2 hours one way and paying for half the stuff we did because I didn’t want to “look like his other girlfriends,” overcompensating much???? I moved to our current location and took a pay cut because he states he saw this relationship as “long term, marriage...” he will bring marriage, moving it, longevity up... but when I bring it up... he’s defensive. I’m not going to lie, my emotional regulation is poor, and I AM working on it, especially with multiple stressors, though This isn’t going to go away over night. I consistently worry about what he thinks or if he is going to break up with me during these times, leading to my original question/post. I was so worried for the past four days or whatever that I sounded like I gave him an ultimatum while I was highly dysregulated, though for the past day and a half he’s acting like nothing has happened. And you know, I DID expect him to pay for the trip. He said he was and He knows I’m going to shy away from agreeing, we’ve talked about this. This has happened more than once, including leaving me with an 800 dollar rental car on a previous trip. This is my issue which should be communicated, but come on I really do appreciate everyone’s thoughts. This has been very, very helpful. Edited January 7, 2020 by Allisondave61
fishlips Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 It sounds like you were doing okay before moving back to your hometown, so maybe you harbor some resentment against him because your situation is worse now? I think it's strange that he made you promise to stay in your hometown. Is there any reason he has to live there? It definitely sounds like you aren't happy where you are, and seem to be projecting it onto him. I'm not blaming you, but I do think you should decide if this is what you really want. If you want to be his wife, then be patient and either live with your parents or find some roommates so you can get a place of your own until he proposes. If you want to further your career (and it sounds like maybe that is what this is about), then go ahead and move. Maybe he isn't the one for you.
Ambereyes Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 exactly what ultimatum did you give him? I didnt really see it in your post
Author Allisondave61 Posted January 8, 2020 Author Posted January 8, 2020 1 hour ago, Ambereyes said: exactly what ultimatum did you give him? I didnt really see it in your post I felt after I acted ridiculous - I.e. buyers remorse over the trip, thinking about my financial situation, crying... informing him that I’m worried about my financial situation, I’ve talked with my mom & I wanted to fully move out of their house within the next several months. That I’m sick of being stuck where I’m at with money and living out of my car (going back and forth from my parents house to his). This of course longgg after I agreed to the trip. I feel it could have been taken as manipulative and have worried about it ever since.
chillii Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 Just talk to him , tell him that n you didn't mean it that way. 1
stillafool Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 19 hours ago, Allisondave61 said: First relationship, wanting to settle down, him telling me that he loves me and wants to be with me, him moving to my home town... I will admit some times it is confusing, especially with the way he acts. Though with the “tantrums,” I’m not much better some times. There’s anxiety thrown in, thinking that he’s going to leave me. I agree... it’s not healthy You keep saying you want to know what he wants, he tells you he loves and wants you and moving to your home town; the question is are you in love with him and do you want to marry him?
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