Liam21 Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 Hi so currently giving my girlfriend space, it’s not a break up we have had this conversation and she’s said she’s not done with the relationship just needs space. does this mean don’t talk to her at all or just check in every now and then. We had been talking every day all day. I’ve gone with no contact as it’s only a week but should I message to see if she’s okay!
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 (edited) There is a difference between space -- as in give me a freaking break I can't talk to you every day all day -- which is what I think your GF wants & I want to break up with you. usually a request for space or a break is somebody trying to say they want a break up without being direct & actually saying this. However, in your context some communication is fine. Why not schedule a nice relaxing date with her but cut down on all the constant pestering? I think she just wants less. Does that make sense? True NC -- ignoring her altogether -- will lead her to conclude that you don't care. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. Edited January 6, 2020 by d0nnivain
2BGoodAgain Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: There is a difference between space -- as in give me a freaking break I can't talk to you every day all day -- which is what I think your GF wants & I want to break up with you. usually a request for space or a break is somebody trying to say they want a break up without being direct & actually saying this. However, in your context some communication is fine. Why not schedule a nice relaxing date with her but cut down on all the constant pestering? I think she just wants less. Does that make sense? True NC -- ignoring her altogether -- will lead her to conclude that you don't care. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. does this happen often? i guess what i'm asking is... does she find conversation with you fun and entertaining and something she wants to keep going, or do you wear her out? honestly, if you wear her out... 1) she's not that into you 2) she may not be what you need, in terms of communication level... just a thought... in terms of how much communication? why not just go off and do your own thing? and i don't do a Ross "we're on a break" thing where you hook up or date other girls... but go do your own thing; some girls don't like a guy who is constantly with them... then again, like i said above... when a girl really likes you, you don't generally tire her out by talking.. lol.... good luck!
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 22 minutes ago, Liam21 said: We had been talking every day all day. 5 minutes ago, 2BGoodAgain said: does this happen often? Given that the OP said they used to talk "every day all day" I could see where the girl feels smothered & wants space.
Mrin Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 LOL, it is situations like this that makes a dude's head explode. I mean, @d0nnivain is probably right. But it would have been nice to actually have a conversation about what she meant by "space" so you didn't have to guess. One time when I was on a break from my fiancee, she had asked for space (we were still friends but something I did made her really angry). She didn't define space - it wasn't exactly a friendly conversation. So I just said sure, and that i'd wait for her to contact me when/if she felt the need to. That's a little different of a situation than what you're in but my point is that at the time of the asking for space, I had defined what that would look like so we were both clear. Does that help? Mrin 1 1
Hopeful30 Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 This is very subjective. I have needed space in relationships before, but that's because I felt overwhelmed or "squeezed" by all the attention my exes were giving me. AND, as a woman who has been single most of her life, I make my "me time" a priority. This does not necessarily mean no contact, but again it depends on the arrangement with your girlfriend. How did the discussion go? Did she simply ask for space and you went no contact? Or was there a mature and open conversation about her needs and why she feels space is required at this time?
scooby-philly Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 Agreed with the previous posters, There's "space" and then there's "space". lol. Mature, healthy people can ask for some space if something bad happens, they need some me time, or things are just out of whack. But there's always clear explanations, a healthy discussion, and there's no doubt in the other person's mind as to why and what they should or should not do. If you've gone a week without talking when you've been previously talking everyday, all day as you put it, that's a bad sign. Either she wanted out or something happened and she doesn't value conversation with you as part of fixing it - which isn't a good thing either when you're in a serious relationship. A lot of people these days use "space" as a way to start getting out of a relationship without having an adult conversation. I'd reach out quickly, carefully, and precisely. Keep us updated.
ThorntonMelon Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 I would leave her alone. Assume you're broken up. If thats not what it means you will get a pleasant surprise but it's what it means. 2
kendahke Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 23 hours ago, Liam21 said: does this mean don’t talk to her at all or just check in every now and then. We had been talking every day all day. I’ve gone with no contact as it’s only a week but should I message to see if she’s okay! It means don't contact her until she contacts you and says she doesn't need space. she's ok---someone else would have said something to you by now if she wasn't. Respect her wishes--if you can't, then this space will become a break and it will be done by you--an unforced error on your part. 1
Interstellar Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 (edited) I’d forget her as difficult as it is. I’d wish her the best. Anytime a woman uses the word “space”, it’s a polite way of saying get lost you turned me off, because of your deportment. Edited January 7, 2020 by Interstellar
schlumpy Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 Giving space means a break in contact but you seem to indicate that this just means less "frequency" of contact such as dating twice a week instead of four times or talking on the phone twice instead of every hour. What is she asking for? If it's no contact then tell her to get back to you when she has time and move forward with your life. Don't let her put you on a shelf for later retrieval if she remembers. 1
scooby-philly Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 11 hours ago, schlumpy said: Giving space means a break in contact but you seem to indicate that this just means less "frequency" of contact such as dating twice a week instead of four times or talking on the phone twice instead of every hour. What is she asking for? If it's no contact then tell her to get back to you when she has time and move forward with your life. Don't let her put you on a shelf for later retrieval if she remembers. @schlumpy has a great point. If you went from talking constantly throughout the day to no contact for over a week now, she's either ready to break up with you or your relationship is on the rocks to the point where she doesn't open up to you emotionally. A healthy, I don't want to break up with you, break involves clear indications before or very early on during the break about ground rules and also the reasoning. You were given none of that and you let her get away with it. She may not have someone else lined up already or may not be cheating, but she's at a point where something is amiss. But...you owe it to yourself and your relationship to reach out in another week and ask what's up. Keep it simple, polite, and short. Until she reaches out before or after that message, move forward. If she comes back weeks or months later don't get hooked again. If she ghosts you and returns there must be clear, strong, and very tangible ground rules you put in place before getting back together. 2
d0nnivain Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 13 hours ago, schlumpy said: Giving space means a break in contact but you seem to indicate that this just means less "frequency" of contact such as dating twice a week instead of four times or talking on the phone twice instead of every hour. What is she asking for? If it's no contact then tell her to get back to you when she has time and move forward with your life. Don't let her put you on a shelf for later retrieval if she remembers. I think I started the idea that a decrease in frequency is what was meant by a "break". They had been in contact constantly which is unsustainable. Her lack of initiation in a whole week is some indication that she's just done. Either way he could try to ask for the date & see if she has appreciated this breather. As long as he maintains boundaries maybe she won't get overwhelmed again. If she doesn't respond favorably to his overture then this really is over no matter what words she uses. 1
rjc149 Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 (edited) Space means you disappear from her life for the period of time she wants. Give her what she's asked for. Don't reach out to her until she reaches out to you. She said it's not over, so don't immediately assume it's over and start hooking up with other girls just yet. But yes, it's time to start opening up your options. Having options will prevent you from acting insecure and needy, and doing more damage to this situation. View this as a test of your strength and confidence. You pass this test and repair this situation by not reaching out to her until she's reached out to you again. She distanced herself, so it's 100% on her to come back. You are the rock who stands firm beneath her sunshine or her storms. When she comes back, don't act elated, like you're reunited with your life's love and everything's going to be great now. She pushed you away, so she needs to work a bit to get you back. Don't be so easy. The space was on her terms, so make the reconciliation on your terms. Edited January 9, 2020 by rjc149
mortensorchid Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 When people say they need space, or a step back, they are saying that they don't want to be with you anymore. So, walk away and don't expect that she will contact you again. Go out and see other people because she's not going to come back or give you what you want, which is the relationship. Sorry. 1
Miss Spider Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 On 1/6/2020 at 10:42 AM, Liam21 said: Hi so currently giving my girlfriend space, it’s not a break up Except it actually is. Sorry. No contact.
rightondude Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 it's over brother, someone into you doesn't want to be away from you. sorry man....
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