Josh1980 Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 Hi everybody (from Europe), i would like to know from men and women what your opinion is about the following... Is it possible to be in a relationship (8y and a 2y old son) and to have a friend from the opposite sex who they can talk to openly about sexual subjects? And i mean really open talk about it? Even with some flirting and even one time an exchange of an erotic picture... They were friends before we got together and he said that they were just goofing around, it was nothing serious. He admits that the picture was not ok and that he went to far but it meant nothing. We were just kidding around... Is that possible? I believe him when he said nothing happened and that they went too far in the flirting. I know my dh is honest about it. He said that a d*ckpic means nothing and is just a stupid thing that he did. I know 100% that there is nothing going on between the two... but is this cheating?
Atwood Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 (edited) Be strong and set your own boundaries for your relationship. Imagine you could go back in time and set out a list of things with your partner that would mean cheating for you: is flirting and sexting/sending pics on the list? If so, you have your answer. If it were me and my boyfriend had just done that to me, I’d ask him if it was okay for me to send a naked picture to one of my male friends? I would sit back and watch the anxiety ensue, explain calmly that that’s how he made me feel and then break up with him. Edited January 6, 2020 by Atwood 2
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 IMO it's not cheating but it is inappropriate. I'm a flirty girl & I have plenty of opposite sex friends from before I met my husband. However there are hard limits. Saying "you look cute" is vastly different from sending sexy shots. Open sex talk is somewhat OK, as long as it's more clinical then flirty / sexy. I have had sexual conversations with male friends but its in the context of discussing their relationships, not mine. I have helped a few buddies pick out lingerie for their ladies but I haven't done that since I have been married. Since you share a child & have been together for 8 years, I would let this one incident go if you truly believe that your partner now understands how wrong it was, he is truly remorseful & most importantly the behavior stops never to be repeated. For a while I would also expect transparency -- that you be copied on all exchanges between them. This friend also needs to be told by you to back off. If he continues then you know he values her more then you & you have some hard choices to make. 2
Crazelnut Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 It is not okay, and it is cheating. You need to get some SERIOUS boundaries in place.
mark clemson Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 Long-term friendships, and emotional affairs have a lot of grey areas. When does it become "cheating"? Online sometimes makes it even trickier. In a borderline case such as this, YOU, as the spouse, are the ultimate arbiter of whether this constitutes cheating or not. In my own opinion, as a spouse you have every right to ask that it stop if you feel it's infidelity or simply if it makes you uncomfortable or violates appropriate boundaries and could lead to problems down the road, etc. Different couples have different boundaries and different ideas of what is/isn't acceptable. So, really it's up to you I think. 2
Author Josh1980 Posted January 13, 2020 Author Posted January 13, 2020 (edited) My dh (married 8 years and a kid) confessed to me that a few years ago when we were together 3 years, he had a female friend (he knew her before me). It was someone who he talked to when things got rough between us. He said he misses the fact that he could not talk to me about sexuality and stuff. He said that with his female friend he could speak about everything, they were very open about sex and fantasies... Even one time he said that he feels guilty about one thing. He did send her a dick pic... just for the rush. He trusted his female friend and it was just something stupid he did... it happened one time and it was just for fun Edited January 13, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merged threads into Infidelity forum
Pastypop Posted January 25, 2020 Posted January 25, 2020 No good is going to come from this. Get out of it now. I know it’s a nice break from raising little kids and the attention feels good but it is not going to end well.
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