Pete245 Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 Hi so I sent this message and she saw it and didn’t reply. in my head it’s because she’s done, most likely. But if she was why would she not just say. So anyway this is what I sent. Yeah I know and I get that. And I’m sorry. I was an idiot but I want to give you the space you need. Can We just try and see what happens. No harm in it. Say next Friday, seeing as I was s***. And if you still feel the same il shake your hand begrudgingly and walk away. I was panicking. I can give you this space. I need to prove I can. Even if it changes nothing. I want you to know I appreciate you. And I did before. So I’m going to give you space till next Friday. You can think about whatever if you’re already decided then that’s cool but just leave it till next Friday and then yeah. Speak to you then. Please think about us and I hope I can play some part in your future. Xx
Author Pete245 Posted January 6, 2020 Author Posted January 6, 2020 The message before was ‘I don’t want him back, I just don’t know what to do seeing as my family got ripped apart. I asked for space and you didn’t give it’ (that’s because I was typing messages and not sending them on Facebook, snapchat etc and she could see.
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 That message was not good. More importantly you can never fix big emotional issues with a device between you. You need face to face communication not texts, FB etc. Most of us would have advised against sending the message. However, you sent it. You gave it one last try. If she saw it & didn't respond, her silence is your answer. In her mind she doesn't need to respond. She has already said all she cared to. Her request for space was a lame request to break up without her having to be harsh & say the words. As a man you prefer a more straightforward approach -- just tell me. But she communicates in a more round about feminine way. Sorry. Assume she is not going to respond & act accordingly
Author Pete245 Posted January 6, 2020 Author Posted January 6, 2020 I mean we had originally agreed to meet up on Wednesday to speak to eachother about it but I messed up and didn’t realise that she’d see that I was typing in apps so that’s when I suggested Friday as it was then a full week again. So as stupid as it sounds I was hoping the no reply was due to already agreeing it was a good idea. but I’m now seeing that it was in hope which was misplaced. Will keep people updated
schlumpy Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 She sent you a clear message and it's your responsibility to get through the fog and understand it for what it is. Go NC ASAP. Print out some her more candid comments and pin them up where you can read them on daily basis. Try and look at this breakup as an opportunity. Every one gives up something when they get into a relationship. Usually it's something they enjoy doing but because the SO doesn't share that enthusiasm you set aside. Now is your chance to re-engage. If backpacking is something you enjoyed then sit down and plan a trip. Are you a bicyclist? Check nearby trails that you have never been to. It's always a wonderful feeling to have more road underneath you then you can actually travel in day. You can join a club, do it on your own or beg for some drop-0ff and pickup assistance from friends or relatives. She's torn the center from your life and you need to patch it up with something positive. And please, no more letters.
PRW Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 The message with all the self-denigration, apologizing, mellow-dramatic sayings, and pleading just would have made you look really bad and just made things worse. The best thing you could have done would be to acknowledge what she said and go silent. I don''t believe in "No Contact" as if it is some kind of "noun", but the idea is that you stop initiating to her. But if she initiates then you respond,...it doesn't mean "ignore" because doing that just makes you look like you are pouting. 1
PRW Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 18 minutes ago, schlumpy said: Print out some her more candid comments and pin them up where you can read them on daily basis. I like that.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 What is the back story here, OP? Who is she to you, exactly - a girlfriend? Someone you dated causally? For how long? It sounds like she is thinking of returning to an ex? It's helpful to have more context in understanding the current problem.
Liam21 Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 (edited) I’d say if she was done she’d have turned around to you and said ‘what’s the point in waiting. I already know what I’m thinking and it’s this’ so I think that is a positive. But you have to be prepared for the worst as she wouldn’t ask for space if there wasn’t a major issue that she needed to work on. Stay positive until you see her again but don’t be expectant. Edited January 6, 2020 by Liam21
Malin889 Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 How long have you been with this person? What is the back story? Your post is a bit confusing.
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 The fact that you are even having this conversation through text in the first place is the issue. 1
Miss Spider Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 (edited) There’s not a lot of context here, but it sounds like she’s done. The best thing you can do when someone has doubts about you and wants space is to go away and hope they miss you and come back. It sucks but it’s really your only shot. People need to resist this desire to text or talk everything right where there are clearly bigger issues. Every time I’ve received a text like the one you sent to her I’ve become even more distanced. It’s not respecting the person’s wishes and it’s desperate Edited January 7, 2020 by Cookiesandough
rjc149 Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) That long, needy, desperate, low-value, high-pressure text was the direct opposite of giving her space. You're trying to force her into a meeting, into "talking things out" when she doesn't want to do that. "So I’m going to give you space till next Friday." Read: "You've asked for space, fine. I've decided you've got until Friday. Take your space and think things out, but I'm not done with you yet. So enjoy your space, but be ready to face me on Friday." The only appropriate response to a text like that is silence. It has nothing to do with male/female communication styles. Your only appropriate response is to go no-contact and never, ever, reach out to her again. She reaches out to you, or she doesn't. It's not your decision anymore. And with that pleading and demanding text, don't expect her to reach out to you. Edited January 8, 2020 by rjc149 3
kendahke Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 On 1/6/2020 at 8:43 AM, Pete245 said: The message before was ‘I don’t want him back, I just don’t know what to do seeing as my family got ripped apart. I asked for space and you didn’t give it’ On 1/6/2020 at 8:42 AM, Pete245 said: I was an idiot but I want to give you the space you need. Can We just try and see what happens. No harm in it. Say next Friday, No harm to whom? She's speaking as plain English as one can muster, yet you're purposely not listening to her. It's time for some NC and self discipline.
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