toastytiger Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 (edited) Short story is I met an amazing woman during a workshop recently. We had sex and connected really well in several ways over several days. Unfortunately we live in different cities. We exchanged contact info upon saying goodbye, but I’m feeling pretty bummed about the possibly of not seeing each other again. Curious what you all think about relationships that started out while on a trip somewhere? I got mixed signals about their level of interest. And am unsure if they were being reserved/cautious or just being detached since we live hundreds of miles apart. I know I was a bit of both myself. I’m just noticing how strong my feelings are now, now that it’s over. Not looking for a LDR, at least not long-term. And I don’t see myself moving anytime soon. But they hinted at being open to moving. I guess there’s not much to do other than wait it out and see how my feelings may change over time, or they reach out, or maybe I’ll make the move to reach out and make plans... ? Edited January 6, 2020 by toastytiger Forgot “?” In title 1
Calmandfocused Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 Op If that’s how you feel that I would say yes:- reach out and make plans to see her again. I think you will regret it if you don’t, and it’s better to regret something we have done rather than what we haven’t done. The older I get the more I believe that if an opportunity presents itself then you need to take it. Yes there are complications but the world works in mysterious ways and you never know what the future holds. You only have to read the threads on here to know that finding someone to connect with is a challenge in itself. You already have that connection. Saying that you’d be wise to keep a lid on your expectations and see the situation for what it is. LDR are extremely difficult and have a reduced chance at success. However assume nothing at this point and just go for it is my advice. Good luck 1 1
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 We regret more in life those things we didn't try. Reach out. Make plans to meet. With all the technology available, keeping in touch is easier. Do you have the time / money to see each other frequently? It may work out. If it doesn't at least you tried. If you just do nothing you will forever wonder. 1
Author toastytiger Posted January 6, 2020 Author Posted January 6, 2020 Thanks for the encouragement I think if they don’t reach out in a month, I will. Also curious, if they were a man (which they are) and I was a women (which I am) - if I would have gotten the same encouragement? Have been thinking about gender roles and dating/initiation lately and decided to switch their gender in the OP...
Calmandfocused Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 I thought it was odd how you kept referring to “they” and “their” and not “she”. I actually thought you was two women TBH. not really sure why you’d feel compelled to do that but hey ho. Same advice applies, although when it comes to a man/ woman, If the man hasn’t reached out first then it’s a bad sign IMO. Make contact with him and see what happens. He may think you just wanted a brief fling. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 I would have given you the same encouragement without knowing your gender. I am a woman, FWIW. Sometimes you have to make it really clear to a man what you want. It's tough on guys that they always have to chase. I have told this story on LS before. I met a man at an event & I thought I was flirting my tail off. As we were chatting I learned he was in the market for my professional services as well as looking for love. I had another appointment so I gave him my business card, told him to call me & that I'd be happy to help with his business issue but I'd be happier if he called me for personal reasons. I winked & left. (In my defense I was late for the other appointment) On our date he confessed that had I not said that he never would have called because he wasn't sure I liked him. I was like Duh what? I was totally flirting but I guess what I thought was clear wasn't. So send your fling some flirty message & see how he responds. You need to give him a bright green light to chase you. Waiting a month will make him feel like you are only reaching out because you are bored & he's some back up plan. Think about it. How would you feel if you heard from him in February?
Author toastytiger Posted January 8, 2020 Author Posted January 8, 2020 Yes, thank you. I do somewhat feel like the ball is more in his court. He texted me first to say he hoped I had a good drive up. Then I shared a sentiment about how he was one of my favorite highlights during the retreat, to which all he did was comment on the photo of him I sent, and how it felt weird to be back in the city. Then I wished him a good time integrating and that was it. This was 4 days ago. I guess I’m just nervous about reaching out! And yeah, also feeling like if he was really interested then it’d be clear.
snowboy91 Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 Yeah I got confused with your initial and subsequent posts. Some people here will offer differing advice if you were a man or woman. I always give the same advice wherever practical. Does this guy live in a city you would like to visit? How far away is this city? It definitely seems like something that's just a holiday hook up, but that doesn't necessarily mean you need to shut off all contact. They still came into your life, and you enjoyed their company, so perhaps this could be someone you could visit if your were to go to their city? I had a holiday hook up a couple of years ago - we live on opposite sides of the world. We kept in touch, she knows I am now in a relationship and respects that, but we still occasionally message each other - we've agreed to remain friends.
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