disneyfan90 Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 A few months ago, I started talking to a guy who is also a friend of one of my close friends. He lives far away from me (about 6 hour drive), but my friend insisted that he's a wonderful guy and really wanted to set us up. So we started texting. Our texting conversations were quite interesting--we had a lot of cool things to talk about, so we decided to talk on the phone. I'll be honest--the first time we talked on the phone, it was difficult to get through. The conversation just didn't flow at all, and there were incredibly long silences. I consider myself a talkative person, but only if the other person is. In other words, I tend to sort of follow the lead of the other person in conversations. Often times, I'd tell him a story or something that happened recently, and there would be nothing but silence for at least a few seconds. Finally, he'd respond with maybe a small sentence. After the first conversation, I thought I'd never speak to him again. But because my friend kept insisting I give it another go, I decided to talk to him on the phone again. I did this a few more times, and each phone conversation was a little better than the last. Finally, we decided to video chat, and this was different. I saw his face and found him instantly attractive. I found that we were actually laughing at silly things, and overall having a good time. Although there were still very many awkward silences, and the conversation didn't really flow the way I was hoping it would. We video chatted a few more times after, and things got increasingly better. I found myself enjoying his company, but it was nothing I'd ever get overly excited about. Then we decided to meet in person for a few days. It went pretty much the way I expected. I found him very, very physically attractive, and I suppose it's for this reason that I enjoyed every minute of his presence. There was never a moment when I felt like I wanted to get away from there (which is what ends up happening for me with many people - I get tired of them easily). But the few days we spent together was actually fun for me. I still don't really know if this was purely because of the physical attraction, or because we had somewhat of a genuine connection. Again, there were many, many long silences. Sometimes we'd get into interesting conversations, but more often than not, we'd sit there in pure silence. Most importantly, I truly don't how yet how I feel about pursuing this whole thing. There is so much about him that I yet don't know, and the long distance truly doesn't help. Normally, when I know that I like someone, I am very very happy but I can't say that about this. Maybe that could develop over time, but I just don't know. On the plus side, he really is a great guy just as my friend said he is--he's extremely caring and genuine.
Ami1uwant Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 It’s great things went well. attractiveness only goes so far. how much in common do you have? Late you at the same point in life? do you have differences thst would be a problem in a live together relationship or marriage hiw easy would it be for you to move to him or he to you, or you two agree to mine to option 3? If neith of you can do this you are wasting your time even though you might say this is rushing things...in this circumstance you need to do this.
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 IMO, being able to be silent with somebody is a real show of maturity... Like keeping the conversation going all night is f***ing exhausting, I would prefer to be around somebody who can tolerate a bit of silence as opposed to just high energy all night long. Regardless, I cannot, in good conscience, sit here and tell you that an LDR is a good idea, cause its usually not... LDR is almost always asinine in my opinion and should be tolerated minimally. These things are just my opinions... But if you are in a real conflict with yourself and the answer is unclear, focus on the money; figure out how much he makes and if he'll be an asset or liability to you.
mortensorchid Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 This is something I fairly recently came to grips with. Sometimes you meet someone and you want it to work but the other person is not receptive to you. I am like you - a chatty person. However, you need to have it be two ways. I used to think that the person just needs to be comfortable with you but this person is uncomfortable talking with others in general. You need someone who is on the same page as you with a lot of things and a person who is not as talkative as you is going to find something else wrong with the situation and break it off. They're introverted but they are not going to loosen up. Years ago I went on an OLD where this guy and I met in a coffee shop and it was like talking to a brick wall. I said after the last awkward silence "Well I am going to head out. I doubt we are going to be seeing each other again soon." He said "No we won't". We shook hands and that was that. Is he reaching out to you at all? Maybe he's not interested either. Or he's too uncomfortable to do so. If that's the case he will be shy with other things. Reconsider.
Legatus Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 7 hours ago, disneyfan90 said: It went pretty much the way I expected. Be careful about this. When you build expectations and then they go your way you quickly build a new one. Just take it as it goes. 5 hours ago, mortensorchid said: Sometimes you meet someone and you want it to work but the other person is not receptive to you. I am like you - a chatty person. However, you need to have it be two ways. She did say that she follows the lead of others, which is either not entirely true, or she can't handle silence. If the other person is silent for a bit, what's wrong with that? Shouldn't you follow the lead and see what comes out of the silence. I agree with @CAPSLOCK BANDIT that silence is important. Feeling comfortable with somebody and not saying anything can say a lot about your collective energy. If you feel uncomfortable it could be because you're not as compatible or you have this expectation of not having any silence and it creates disappointment. Remember that your reaction to one person doesn't necessarily have to match all your past reactions. Perhaps you're not overly ecstatic because you want to take time to really see what this could mean, especially if there is a bit of distance involved. I think caution is the right approach but proceed with positivity. Don't expect but hope for the best and see what happens.
scooby-philly Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 OP, As others have mentioned, silence is both a sign of maturity in a person as well as comfort and commonality in a long-term couple. Now, you're not a couple and you don't know him well enough yet to know if he's mature. But it's not necessarily a bad sign. I think it comes down to asking yourself a two-part question - do you want to pursue this...and why? I know that seems very cryptic or juvenile simple, but your post didn't make it clear what you're looking for in life right now. He could out to be the love of your life, a good friend, or just someone that you got to know a little bit. But at 6 hrs, I wouldn't move into "dating" till you really got to know him and vice versa and also find out what he wants. You could be second guessing yourself now because you know this won't work out, because it' so different from what your expectations tell you what you should be doing (internal peer pressure), or because it/he are different from what you've done (and had) in the past. Knowing what your gut is telling you and why may help you understand the answer to that two part question.
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