jadeblossom Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Just wondering if I'm being overly sensitive or paranoid. Need to hear a guy/girl point of view. I'm sort of going out with this guy who says he's really into me and wants to be serious etc etc. He tells me i'm gorgeous and really pretty and he's even told his friends that. He's also told me that he's been with 10 different girls before and he always talks about them as being good-looking. It's like, that seems to be a foremost criteria/characteristic that he looks out for. While I know that it's normal for men to want a good-looking girl by his side, it seems that for him, it is overly important. I hear comments from him everyday about "Wow, that celebrity is hot. Yum.", or "Mmmm, that celebrity, what a beauty.". We've been going out a month now and I've heard those comments almost every day. Just this morning he said "hey did you know that girl Fergie from Black Eyed Peas used to be in Wild Orchid, the girls in Wild Orchid are really hot and gorgeous. Very slutty looking." I don't know if I'm being insecure, overly sensitive or paranoid or PMS-y, but I feel that I'm not gorgeous enough or hot enough. I don't mind him commenting ocassionally. I know it's normal and I'm totally ok with ocassional comments but i hear it 80% of the time!
whichwayisup Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 He's being a "guy". I don't know how old you both are, but he sounds abit immature. And inconsiderate. If you're comfortable enough, tell him to keep those comments to himself and with the boys!
Author jadeblossom Posted October 4, 2005 Author Posted October 4, 2005 I'm 26, he's 27. yeah, i thought it sounds really immature and shallow. It can't be a guy thing can it? I mean i totally understand if there is an ocassional comment about a chick being hot but daily comments are too much! Am I just being an insecure girl or is it normal to feel inadequate if your boyfriend keeps bringing up how hot chicks on tv/in real life are?
blue16 Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 I think he's trying to make you jealous and it's working.
whichwayisup Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 He's either very rude/inconsiderate and doesn't really care much what anybody, including you thinks, or he's just a plain old pig! So, either get mad or get even. Start pointing out hot guys! Talk about firefighters and how hot you think they are! Hehehe, go visit your local fire department and tell him all about it, in detail!
Author jadeblossom Posted October 4, 2005 Author Posted October 4, 2005 Really? Hmmm... do guys behave like that to make a girl jealous? If he is, then it's the wrong way..
utoh Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 I don't think he's trying to make you jealous. I'm a guy and he's simply a jerk, certainly about this. He sounds insecure in himself and/or has a distorted view of reality.
slubberdegullion Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 ...do guys behave like that to make a girl jealous? Men are more visually stimulated than women. From what you've written, I don't think he says such things specifically to make you jealous. He just happens to voice his thoughts about beautiful women. But it's obviously bugging you big-time, which should be enough of a reason to tone his comments down a little bit. Tell him it bothers you, without getting all emotional and clingy about it, and see what his reaction is.
lindya Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 the girls in Wild Orchid are really hot and gorgeous. Very slutty looking." I'd respond by smiling and asking "So, do you think I could benefit from 'slutting up' my look a little?" I can suffer from "forgetting who I'm talking to" syndrome. For instance joking to my mum about sexual matters (not that she minds - she just goes all pink and giggly as if she's had a couple too many glasses of wine). Maybe that's what happens with your bf - a case of opening his mouth without putting his brain into gear. If he keeps doing it, and it's really starting to drive you round the bend, you could lightly thank him for sharing but let him know you really don't need to be informed of absolutely every occasion on which he considers another woman to be "hot". Just don't rise to the bait if he starts trying to wind you up about it.
FWIW Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 You need to discuss it calmly with him. Maybe he thinks it's great that he can say what he thinks with you. Maybe he tested you out to begin with, thinks it's great that you don't get jealous. It could be that he thinks it's so obvious that he thinks YOU are fantastic, that he thinks it's not even an issue.. you should be able to handle it. If you haven't said anything yet then he DOES think you're OK with it. Just talk it over!
Gold Pile Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Whenever GP was serious about someone, other women didn't seem as attractive as her. I still noticed others, but the most I'd ever say was I'd like to see you wearing the dress she has on. Known plenty of guys who talk to "their" woman as yours does. Most are very flirty with many women and will stray if they find a receptive lady. 10 women?, To GP this guy is a virgin, maybe you'll need to be blunt that you don't want to hear this talk.
elijahBailey Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 well, jade, all I can say is this guy is one stupid a**. I wouldn't be surprised if he can't remember the last time he got laid. I mean, come on, think about it.... telling the girl that you like, that some other chicks are hot.... right in front of her???? Gosh! how stupid can you get? Definitely comment on how gorgeous some other guys are, right in front of him, and tell him that him ain't nowhere near them One should only make these comments AFTER you've gotten the girl
barfool Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Yea, it's normal for guys to talk like that, but perhaps not in front of their GF. I was in a relationship (though it was long-term) where he would say things like that. At first it made me very self-conscious and a little jeleous. Then I would start commenting about guys that were around. He didn't seem to mind this and continued with his observations. So I joined in. I would make comments about the women he talked about. Some I could appreciate their beauty, others I would talk s**t about. This way it became something we did together. The things he said stopped bothering me. Maybe this just sounds really stupid. My relationship was a little weird.
Oddone Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 It is true, guys are more visually stimulated and can't help but have a reaction to who they are looking at. I think it is a question of repect when it comes to showing restraint in front of their loved one. My fiance knows me very well and understands the male tendencies also. She knows what type of women I find attractive (Hell she is one!) But, I do my best to keep comments and outward reactions to myself when I am with her. Sometimes, she will say something before I even think of something, but she is in control of that situation. Other times, if I slip or am not subtle enough, she will give me a look or a nudge and we will laugh about it. But, I think she can laugh because she knows I was atleast trying to be respectful.
Author jadeblossom Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 Thanks guys for the advice! I talked to him about it, got a little emotional, but definitely not clingy. He said he wasn't doing it to make me jealous and he said he didn't even realise that he was offending me! And apparently the past 10 girls never even brought this issue up! So it was just me being self-conscious and insecure then. I told him I want him to be himself in front of me and not be afraid that he can't say certain things in front of me for fear of offending me but, I think, Oddone, you are right when you say it's a matter of respect when you show a little restraint in front of your loved one. I'm fine with him thinking it, just don't tell me! And hopefully don't think about it too often! My fiance knows me very well and understands the male tendencies also. She knows what type of women I find attractive (Hell she is one!) But, I do my best to keep comments and outward reactions to myself when I am with her. Sometimes, she will say something before I even think of something, but she is in control of that situation. Other times, if I slip or am not subtle enough, she will give me a look or a nudge and we will laugh about it. But, I think she can laugh because she knows I was atleast trying to be respectful. That's a great achievement! I hope I'll be able to reach that level of understanding with my partner as well. Takes a lot of work and compromise. Known plenty of guys who talk to "their" woman as yours does. Most are very flirty with many women and will stray if they find a receptive lady. Is this true???? So this is a warning sign we women should look out for?
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