Not sure which way to go in this

[chillii]

Not crazy about doing this post . at my age haha l pretty well know how things roll butttt, seems maybe not always.

After marriage l was with someone 2yrs , it's was mind blowing stuff but LD and moving hassle and so in the end we just couldn't work it out, and broke up , she's late 40s l'm 50s.

Well, all that was pretty rough in the end especially following divorce but about 12mths later l met gf now. Dpn't ask me how l managed this but we're also not as long but long distance too a lot of the time when she's up home, she lives with me here on and off part time. When we first me l was still fairly emotional from ex  butttt, gf now none the less is really something and if she can sort out her legal stuff up home it could def' be whatever we want .

1st thing is , she's been up home so long this time with the court case and it'll be still months yet , so with all the uncertainty  we've wavered a lot and atm we've decided  the not knowing what our future can be we should both just go on with life for now. She under incredible on going stresses and for the foreseeable future we just can't know anything. Can't go into detail but it is what it is.

Meanwhile a few wks back l heard from ex and we talked a bit , gf does know , although she isn't really gf anymore right now so  on all thatttt, l'm well , l don't know.

We were a different type of thing don't ask me to explain that  but the feelings and intensity are creeping back in as we've talked and the thing is , things have also changed and supposing we were back together , doable now,

She wants to come and see me , this is no small thing, she's across the world. And given my situation now and the othe other one, l can't really just wait for her she just can't give any answers until her court cases are done and she has an outcome, lt could be 6 8mths yet.

l just don't know if the ex should come . l feel all kinds of weird. lt's been a long time, l met someone else, but that's messed up for now .

l mean if ex comes , it's about us , to just spend some time together and just see if we're still in there but if we were then this time we could have a future , just dunno whether to reopen that door , especially give my other sitch .

lt's not easy to explain butttt,   , l'd like to hear any thoughts though and  hopefully figure it out.

 

Edited January 5, 2020 by chillii

[elaine567]

I am not really surprised.
That ex really got under your skin.
Seems to me the "new" now "old" gf was never really in with a chance.
She was too good to pass by, but not good enough to move heaven and earth for, hence why you continued to stay in a fairly "non committed" long distance arrangement.
She wanted more, you were unsure.
You were never really over your ex.
Almost exactly year ago.

 

[chillii]

True , back then was a very confusing time, but later on though it all started working itself out we really grew and it was all over taking the past. l knew this could happen with her if l sorted myself out.

Such a damn shame though right when it was , her legal case finally came up, she's been waiting nearly 3 yrs for that.. At first we thought it'd be over in a month, then 2, then 3, that was mths ago , and when in starts up again in the new yr could take no one knows how long., min another 4 or 5 though now, could be much much longer.

Now ex , holy smoke.

 

Edited January 5, 2020 by chillii

[chillii]

Trying to figure out how to put this , even if just for my own venting.

But the real issue right now is  , whether or not to even see ex gf again or open that door again. Yet she's offering to fly cross the world to see , l feel like l'd be a crazy ah not to appreciate that and at least see her and given the circumstances. But just separately from what else is going on , l'm just not sure if we should see each other again. And l feel really bad her coming all that way and doing this huge thing if l'm wooshy washy , but downright ungratefully if l said no.

Just not sure if we should even bother or go there again, dunno if l'm just blocking and being negative , but l kind of feel like we still couldn't work it out anyway , even if we did open that door again. We talked about all that but she says well we'll just see each other again and see what happens, she still wants to find out. l say yeah but it's crazy you doing this huge thing if l'm all over the place , she says ahhh, won't cost me anything, she can fly free . lt's still a huge thing though , although she doesn't seem to think so. There'd be no more chances after this though so if l didn;t that is def' gonna be that for us.

The way things have worked out it's like we have a second chance and logically like l'd be crazy not to take it and try , yet l um and ahh. dahhhhhh. My only defense is that this last 2 yrs has been a confusing and emotional roller coaster .

 

Edited January 5, 2020 by chillii