Veronica73 Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 Also, even as a middle aged woman, I have been caught unawares and started bleeding without having any pads or tampons with me. *shrugs* I carry different bags/purses etc. It happens and it sucks. A lot.
GoreSP Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 (edited) Not sure what we can add considering you’ve had an seemingly discussion about it and found a compromise. In my opinion, you both have your faults. He should have taken you to the store to get replacement stuff or AT THE VERY LEAST tampons/pads.... That being said, wanting to go home early because you don’t have makeup remover/did not sleep well/felt gross is more social anxiety than introversion. Not that it’s a bad thing but recognizing the difference between the two will make future trips more bearable for both... You already took a nap, but you could have showered. You say you don’t have a car, not that you can’t drive; in that case you could have simply taken the car and gone to the store to get what you need. Edited January 5, 2020 by GoreSP 1
SummerDreams Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 14 minutes ago, Veronica73 said: extroverts can understand I'm fully aware how extroverts can "understand"; "oh you see John is an "introvert", he likes to be alone a lot so lets be gentle with him, you know, he might be a little crazy, shhh". I have heard this said about me (and other introverts I know) many times. 1
FMW Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 As an introvert, you know how you react to things in general. It's unfortunate that others sometimes don't understand, but honestly it's up to you to manage what you are exposed to. So if you two had discussed the plans (that you would be spending the night in someone else's home, that you would be spending two days hanging around with them) you could have made your choice accordingly on whether or not to even go, or finding your own transportation/accomodation. So the need for clear communication is the takeaway from this experience. I'm an introvert, being with people nonstop for hours/days on end is draining and certainly makes me grumpy. So I absolutely understand that. But I plan accordingly. I don't see that your introversion had anything to do with not showering. And even though it takes a little more effort, makeup - including mascara - can be removed with soap and water. I think those grooming issues are the ones being seen as you being "rigid". Bottom line, although in a perfect world others would always know exactly what we need to be comfortable and happy, it's our responsibility to take care of ourselves. From what you write no one was rude or unhospitable, you just needed to be more proactive in asking to borrow shampoo, etc. or you needed to borrow his car or have your boyfriend take you somewhere to buy some things. Sure, it's annoying, but it's not unusual that he didn't anticipate your needs. You have to speak up. 1
preraph Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 11 hours ago, Noproblem said: People with irregular period do not know. It's not that uncommon! So you're saying if you had an irregular. That might start yesterday or 2 days from now, you would not carry a couple of tampons or pads in your purse? 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 1 minute ago, preraph said: So you're saying if you had an irregular. That might start yesterday or 2 days from now, you would not carry a couple of tampons or pads in your purse? I can tell you just did talk to text lol! It's impossible to talk about your period and use the actual word if you're doing talk to text! Also, I have stashes everywhere. In every bag, in my car. When I run out in my bathroom I know I'll find them in all my bags. 1
preraph Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 Oh I know. That's driving me crazy that it won't write out the word. I finally just gave up. It was on a post I did yesterday too. I figure people will figure it out. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 This isn't about her not having her toiletries. Please. That is a simple fix. 1. BF rushed her and she forgot. BF rushed her. He wanted to get on with HIS agenda. Yeah, you could argue that she could have asked him to turn around to retrieve her toiletries, but do you think this BF would have? Or perhaps he would have given her more grief about not being organized, etc.? 2. BF was the one who was ambiguous about the plans. I suspect intentionally. Then sprang the extra day and events on her w/o discussion. 3. BF has the car, not her. Would she have left if she had her own car, probably not. She is essentially at the whim of her BF's decisions as to how things were to go. Let us focus a little the BF's reaction. Not at all understanding during the time despite #1 and #2. 4. Being spontaneous and going with the flow is great and all, but it should happen if the other person has no other commitments. The BF decided, unilaterally, that they were going to stay longer. Did he, at any moment, think about what the OP had planned or wanted? NOPE. OP, I would be miffed too. At no time, realistically, did you have a choice. You could have made the experience less stressful for yourself, but the most important thing is your BF has drafted and agreed upon a plan of action next time he has the notion of unilaterally decided what you both would do. 3
HappySenior Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 19 hours ago, preraph said: You were very disorganized or else you were being passive aggressive by purposely forgetting those things so you have an excuse to go home early and I'm pretty sure that's what he would have thought and probably the rest of the gang. Now really who doesn't know when their. Is about to start? Those things were all your responsibilities. Often disorganized people become introverted for precisely the reason they are disorganized. Society has expectations of people to be organized and if you fall short, you pretty much stand to lose at least some friends. Knowing the world has such expectations can be frustrating and exhausting and thus a disorganized person needs more time to regroup. There can also be other problems, such as not being able to follow more than one conversation at a time. I zone out when that happens, if I do what comes naturally; but if I try to pay attention through that kind of distraction, it exhausts me. 2
preraph Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 Right, but you don't get away with blaming everyone else for your own disorganization.
HappySenior Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 6 minutes ago, preraph said: Right, but you don't get away with blaming everyone else for your own disorganization. It's not a matter of blaming everyone else, except for not having the chance to leave when you want to go and regroup. Being trapped there, in other words. As well as being rushed - I time everything pretty carefully but if someone shows up early and hurries me, I am more likely to forget something. The fact is that her boyfriend did not accommodate her the least bit, which rather proves he is not interested in her welfare and comfort. That and this was all based on HIS agenda, which she didn't even have the privilege of knowing ahead of time for large parts of it. I don't blame anyone else for my own disorganization. I have lots of "assists" (including Alexa) to help with that. However, I can not foresee every possible event that can happen and so what I rely on is my ability to be independent. (Which you can't do if you don't have a car or a store nearby.) But, I make sure not to hang out with persons who are unpredictable and primarily only think of their own needs. Which it sounds like this guy is. If he isn't putting their relationship first at this stage, he certainly won't do it later and will probably be inconsiderate even more later. 1
preraph Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 She knew at least a day before what the plan was and had all that time to think about it and get her crap together. She chose not to.
HappySenior Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 3 minutes ago, preraph said: She knew at least a day before what the plan was and had all that time to think about it and get her crap together. She chose not to. OP "He told me we would go to his friend's house about an hour away and possibly spend the night there." He didn't say they would spend another night, he didn't say she would need to hang out there more. The problem with being organized is you have to know in advance what you are going to do. In this case they did far more than he had originally told her. What a woman takes for overnight is usually much different than 48 hours. You can't be organized if you can't plan (and being rushed on top of things).
stillafool Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 She could have also asked her bf's girlfriend to ride with her to the store to get some toiletries or driven herself in bf's car to get them. Personally if it's just an overnight stay I would shower and wash it off with soap and water. Your skin would be okay washing it that way for just a couple times. You do need fresh underwear though. Guys are used to going with the flow so he wasn't thinking like you. 2
preraph Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 That's not how I'm reading it. Because she said he told her that and she was hoping he wouldn't and they would just go home early and that they would go later than what he said they were going and that she slept badly the night before. But all of that is beside the point. Because if I'm reading it wrong, all she had to do was ask him what they were doing instead of waiting until he brought it up, if it was the day of. And if she didn't like it, all she had to do is tell him no thank you. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 15 minutes ago, preraph said: She knew at least a day before what the plan was and had all that time to think about it and get her crap together. She chose not to. Reread her original post. Her BF sprung new plans on her. Again, this is not really about being organized. She had her toiletries in a bag and forgot them as her BF rushed her. Even organized people forget things, if rushed. 2
preraph Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 I did read her post while ago and it is ambiguous about when the plans were first stated, but it doesn't really matter because she's the one who was disorganized and unassertive. She had plenty of time to pack a little bag. She could have said no. 1
SummerDreams Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 This exactly is the problem with extroverts; their way of thinking is "why are you making this such a big deal?". Because they are free to go, they don't think much, they can change plans easily, they can go with the flow, so for them a person who wants to have plans and get disoriented when the plans change is just bizarre and weird (maybe crazy as I said before). And this happens because the norm is to be extroverted, the society expects from you to be social and friendly with everyone even though you are not feeling it, not in the mood or even feeling sick etc. In my experience I can't have a relationship (romantic or friendly) with an extrovert. They make me nervous and uncomfortable. I am talking also about my own sister who is 14 years old, I have to leave after talking with her for one hour because her being such talkative and sociable drives me crazy.:( 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 27 minutes ago, preraph said: I did read her post while ago and it is ambiguous about when the plans were first stated, but it doesn't really matter because she's the one who was disorganized and unassertive. She had plenty of time to pack a little bag. She could have said no. 3rd and 4th paragraphs. When could she have said no and what outcome do you think saying no would have resulted? Didn't she say to him she didn't feel comfortable staying longer? And what was the bf's response...blaming her for not going with the flow when she was fricken' menstruating in her only pair of underwear! Pete's sake. He didn't even have the decency to drop everything and take her to get some stuff for her situation. He just made her feel like crap...ugh. 2
FMW Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 The opinions about taking responsibility for herself are things for her to think about if she wants to stay with her boyfriend. If she needs a guy who's more sensitive and careful of her then this isn't the guy so she should consider moving on. 1
smackie9 Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 (edited) A) learn to rise to the challenge and figure out a resolution. B) be flexible C) always never let them see you sweat, put a smile on your face and suck it up. You could have gotten to a Walmart, grabbed what you needed, including a change of clothes. You were an over night guest, all you had to do was request (speak up!) that you needed to have a shower. They would have accommodated with fresh towels, shampoo or whatever you needed. If you needed a time out from the crowd, go for a walk or take a drive, go pick up some nice pastries or a treat on your return. Secondly, you focus way too much on yourself, not realizing the harmful impression you are making. You need to work on that or you will never have a good relationship with anyone. If you expect to be accommodated for, you have to accommodate too...it goes both ways. Edited January 5, 2020 by smackie9 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 12 minutes ago, Finding my way said: The opinions about taking responsibility for herself are things for her to think about if she wants to stay with her boyfriend. If she needs a guy who's more sensitive and careful of her then this isn't the guy so she should consider moving on. Taking responsibility for herself. Ok. Still not certain. She 'bit the bullet' and made all of the compromises. Yes, this guy is not sensitive and was selfish. Up to her. Again, they did have a discussion, so may not need to lead to exiting this relationship.
smackie9 Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 I understand everyone is on the BF for this, but we are only getting the op's perspective, and tbh we don't know what other instances have happened in the past. He could have been totally frustrated, and worn down. In a lot of relationships such as this, it just gets to a point when everything about each other grinds on the nerves so both are unhappy. 1
Foxhall Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 the chap seemed to be quite inconsiderate to you in the morning especially, I certainly would not get away with that approach with my girlfriend, at least he offered to make compromises in terms of future parties, you should not feel the need to be kept there all night, I understand feeling more comfortable with just going for a few hours and be able to slip away. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 2 minutes ago, smackie9 said: I understand everyone is on the BF for this, but we are only getting the op's perspective, and tbh we don't know what other instances have happened in the past. He could have been totally frustrated, and worn down. In a lot of relationships such as this, it just gets to a point when everything about each other grinds on the nerves so both are unhappy. This is the only perspective we have. Our responses are solely based on her account. If accurate, then I stand by my posts. If not or she adds or clarifies the account, then we can reassess.
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