Madlyinluv Posted January 4, 2020 Posted January 4, 2020 I and my boyfriend started dating an year ago.. I am 26 and he is 25 before him I dated a guy who was my 1st ever boyfriend. however he has had a lot of relationships in the past. My previous relationship lasted for 4 months. So here is the thing.. from past 2 months I am having a tough time with my boyfriend.. he is having a lot of issues with me understanding him.initially my love for him was not that deep but he used to love me and cared for me.. but with time I became closer to him emotionally.. and so I started over caring and he started asking for space he used to expect me a lot of things which I failed to give multiple times unintentionally I realised after making mistakes and I did apologise to him I got so attached to him that I started feeling insecure and jealous of him talking to other girls so I started to check his phone.. which he didn’t like and told me not to break into his privacy .. I apologised and stopped doing it,, we both are studying masters degree and after the exam we got a lot of time to spend together But because of the mistakes I used to make he got irritated and told me to break up but I didn’t want that so I asked him to give me another chance.. I tried to make him more happy but deep down I had this insecurity that he will leave me one day.. in that pressure I started making more mistakes and more fights started to happen b/w us.. one fine day we were sitting at my place and we started doing things and he asked me for sex which I refused but it happened anyway and I was okay since he said that he is there for me.. (I was a virgin before that) I trusted him on that. Because of the rate of fights b/w us getting to increase I got so afraid of loosing him . Just so he stays I started getting closer to him (physically) but then one day he told me that he is bored of me and wants to break up. I felt being crushed and helpless I went to him to talk but he is not ready to listen.. and since I was not ready to break up he started behaving bad with meI want him so bad in my life.. but I can’t find a way that I can talk to him.. can someone please suggest me what do I do at this point so that I can make him understand and get him back in my life.. I haven’t spoken with him for a while now,, and I miss him a lot.. my friends are suggesting me to behave normally as if nothing happened but whenever I see him .. tears roll out of my eyes.. it’s becoming difficult., I have just made him my world and I dnt see any point of being alive without him.
schlumpy Posted January 4, 2020 Posted January 4, 2020 I'm afraid the timing is off in this relationship. When he was trying to bond with you the emotions were not there on your side to allow that to happen. When that door shut for him you started being all affectionate but it was too late. He could not be receptive and probably was irritated by your clinginess. He had sex with you knowing he wasn't in love with you and that's usually a relationship killer because there's no way to get to the next romantic stage. Unfortunately you are trapped. Your only choice is to grieve, go NC and wipe what vestiges there are of him from you life. Only time and distance will cure what ails you. Next time try to get the timing right. 1
Author Madlyinluv Posted January 4, 2020 Author Posted January 4, 2020 Is there anyway that I can talk to him.. he is very understanding nd m sure that he will .. I dnt know how to start the conversation. I mean m so scared deep down that my mind stops thinking whenever I try to speak something. I just need a chance to tell him my insecurities I never had relationships experience in the past every mistake I did was unintentional . I dnt wanna sound like I am begging. Just need to know how do I prove my point to him
stillafool Posted January 4, 2020 Posted January 4, 2020 You already tried to talk to him but he doesn't want to listen because he doesn't want to get back together. I'm sorry you're hurt but it would do you no good to try to get back together because he will break up with you again. You just have to get over him. Try not to see him and don't contact him, that will make it easier for you to move on. 1 1
Author Madlyinluv Posted January 4, 2020 Author Posted January 4, 2020 M sorry I can’t give up.. I can’t loose him.. it’s not that i tried my best to talk.. I couldn’t convince him that time.. but now I just wanna put my heart open for him.. be like water.. nothing hidden., I only need to know how to start my conversation so that it interests him
schlumpy Posted January 4, 2020 Posted January 4, 2020 He HAS to come to you Mad. There is no other way. You could throw yourself in front of his car to demonstrate your sincere emotions but he isn't going to read it like that. Your ONLY chance to get him back is to make him miss you and you don't do that by showing up everyplace he will be. You may need to talk to a counselor to help you hold on to yourself. It will get better with time. Do you have a best friend? Seek their help. You can't trust your own judgement right now, so borrow someone else's willpower. 2 1
Author Madlyinluv Posted January 5, 2020 Author Posted January 5, 2020 I have talked to my friends they all curse him they think it’s his fault coz they think he used me nd I was to naive to understand that nd that I love him too much. One of my friends told me to wait coz he may himself call me.. it’s been 2 weeks I dnt have patience
schlumpy Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 26 minutes ago, Madlyinluv said: I have talked to my friends they all curse him they think it’s his fault coz they think he used me nd I was to naive to understand that nd that I love him too much. One of my friends told me to wait coz he may himself call me.. it’s been 2 weeks I dnt have patience Please listen to your friends. They have your best interests at heart your ex does not. Please accept that and save yourself. I will be very disappointed in you if you allow this situation to affect your school performance. Don't sacrifice your future. 1 1
fromheart Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 You start by saying 'Complications in relationships,' then you say 'I dnt see any point of being alive without him.' With that attitude, there will always be complications in relationships. Don't give yourself so much to another person. The only person you can't live without is you. 2 2
Author Madlyinluv Posted January 6, 2020 Author Posted January 6, 2020 I am sorry guys. I thought a lot about it. I can’t give up without trying.. All I need at this point is to know a convincing conversation that I can start so that he listens to me and I dnt sound like I am begging. Can anyone please help with that?
basil67 Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 (edited) You can try, but it's not going to work. There is no conversation which will make him change his mind. If anything, approaching him again will only show that you don't respect his decision to do what's best for himself. To be honest, the relationship sounded quite unpleasant. It's normal to get tired of a relationship which is full of fights. I suspect that one day you will find a far better match and wonder why you wanted to return to this. Look to the future, not the past. Edited January 6, 2020 by basil67
Author Madlyinluv Posted January 7, 2020 Author Posted January 7, 2020 (edited) I recieved a text from him. What next? Should I reply? I dnt wanna sound desperate the text says “Hi” Edited January 7, 2020 by Madlyinluv
Caauug Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 What does he want now? More sex with you? He's not into you and will only use you. Time to look after yourself, and move on.
NarutoYi Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 Hej relax maybe there is a reason why he left you.Please just go and tell him I wanna talk you.And then start telling him everything.Tell him that you want him and that you love him and tell him why doesn’t he love you and tell him that what you did was because of insecurities fear of losing him ,just tell him everything. Next ask him does he love you,did he ever love you and did he plan staying with you forever.Ask him does he wanna be with you forever.If he loves you and tells u to be together tell him please to not cheat or anything like that and to be open everytime he feels something bad and tell him that love can fix everything.And even if he doesnt have that much love for you tell him that it can be built. You may feel horrible I know,but even if things don’t work out.Remember that there is something good for you.I hope you get what you want and that he loves you back. I also want you to have an amazing love.Good luck. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2020 Posted January 10, 2020 Let me see if I understand. Your 1st relationship was very short. This guy is your 2nd BF, ever. You dated for a year. There was a lot of discord -- he wanted more from you then you could give; you were made to feel like you were always making mistakes in the relationship; he took your virginity; you both fight a lot. Now he has broken up with you. Yet, you continue to chase after him & cry when you see him. Your friends are trying to tell you to forget him because he used you. Instead of listening to everyone who is telling you to be done & move on you admit that you made him your whole world, you want to keep debasing yourself & chasing after a man who has rejected you & makes you cry. No amount of talking is going to convince him to come back. All you will do if you persist is convince him you don't value yourself & that he's well rid of you. You would be better served focusing on how badly he treated you & then healing. 1
Author Madlyinluv Posted January 11, 2020 Author Posted January 11, 2020 Idk.. I feel I have never gotten as much love as he gave me.. I know that he made me cry too but the love I recieved from him is special and I can’t see anything else but his love.. I dnt think breaking up should be a solution. I wish to talk to him once so that I can make him understand.. I know he ll understand coz it happened in the past once too..but I won’t do it right away.. may be very soon but not rn, I have more clarity on this after talking to so many people
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