Kim-ye Posted January 4, 2020 Posted January 4, 2020 I went through my husband phone about a week ago and found a text that said...good morning baby cakes - from him and the woman’s response was morning love. He responded what’s the dill pickle everything kosher ...she responded she was looking for her mom a Christmas present and sent him a pic of egg plants...he sent wow and lol. The woman’s name was saved under a weird name that was not her actual name. The history was deleted before the day that I found the text. I tried to call the number and she didn’t answer, both from his phone and my own. I waited a few days to call again and the number was disconnected. I asked him about the text and he said yes he was talking to her but it wasn’t what I think. He said it started off platonic and about his business and quickly turned into them talking through text and over the phone. He meet her at a gas station and she offered him customers for his business, so they exchanged numbers. I looked up the number and the phone number came up under another woman’s name, different from what he told me and different what was saved in his phone. Of course he’s never had sex or gone on any dates, according to him just text and phone convo. I asked him if he told her I found out and he said he told her and she wants no part of the situation and he hasn’t contacted her since. Because I couldn’t speak to her, I’m lost and can only go off what he told me. We’ve been married 10 years and I’ve had my intuition feelings lately but I’ve never had any evidence of him being unfaithful. Ever since I found out he’s been so nice and almost convincing that he’s sorry...what would you do?
Mrin Posted January 4, 2020 Posted January 4, 2020 He banged her. A lot. Eggplant and pickle emojis, seriously? 4
usa1ah Posted January 4, 2020 Posted January 4, 2020 I too believe he has physically cheated on you. You need to decide if you can forgive and move forward. he needs counseling. If you do not have any kids my suggestion is to divorce. Find someone you can trust. 1
mark clemson Posted January 4, 2020 Posted January 4, 2020 Agree, unfortunately. Based on everything you write, I think it's reasonable to assume he had a physical affair (and to at least some extent an emotional connection) with this other women. Not sure what to suggest other than that you proceed on that assumption. Sorry.
schlumpy Posted January 4, 2020 Posted January 4, 2020 At this point you do not have real evidence that a physical affair happened so don't imagine one. Instead, get some recovery software to resurrect any deleted messages on his phone and try to prove of disprove your case. You do have enough evidence that any claim to privacy he had is null and void until your suspicions are satisfied. I'm not familiar with smartphone software but I have seen others mention Dr. Fone. I hope you are wrong and if you are - take him to dinner. 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 22 hours ago, Kim-ye said: I went through my husband phone about a week ago and found a text that said...good morning baby cakes - from him and the woman’s response was morning love. He responded what’s the dill pickle everything kosher ...she responded she was looking for her mom a Christmas present and sent him a pic of egg plants...he sent wow and lol.... He said it started off platonic The first part could've gone either way (I'd use "babycakes" with a few select people, JUST for the absurdity of it) But the part where he somehow needed to say "It started off platonic" really draws my concern. 1
Starswillshine Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 I would try a recovery program as well. Seems a lot more to it than what he gives. Why would she otherwise delete her phone number. Seems quite extreme for some just flirty messaging. My guess she is also married. He is protecting her. Been there and done that. Seems the same cheater's tale. I am so sorry you are here. 1
Daisydooks Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 Started out platonic? Then what? Eggplants and pickles are sort of phallic aren't they??? This guys been cheating a while
Crazelnut Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 In case you aren't aware, eggplant and pickle / cucumber emojis are used in texting to refer to male genitalia. What you read was a coded, "in" joke between them. They've had sex -- a lot of it. Get the text recovery software and get your proof from their text conversations.
d0nnivain Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 Just now, Crazelnut said: In case you aren't aware, eggplant and pickle / cucumber emojis are used in texting to refer to male genitalia. I learned something. Granted maybe I didn't want to know that but it was educational.
carhill Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 Welcome to LS IMO, make an appointment with a MC to discuss boundaries and communication in your marriage. Accept his answer when inviting him to join you. If he declines, go alone. If he accepts the MC will likely wish to interview you separately and then bring you together to cover some bullet points they picked up. Some questions: What is 'lately', how long ago did this 'feeling' he was being unfaithful begin? Married ten years, how has that gone historically? Solid foundation, combative, up and down, what? Any children? What is the general view of infidelity in your culture?
Author Kim-ye Posted January 8, 2020 Author Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) Carhill Ive brought the idea of MC...he’s was open to it most of the time. Even before I found this out. We practically grown up together and kind of grew apart here recently...mainly because life is busy and our relationship tends to get the back burner. MC is definitely on the table, more than ever now. Answers About 6 months Marriage has been great...we’ve had issues like everyone else but nothing close to this caliber. This is the first time something this big has happened or the issue with another woman. 1 child together My thoughts of cheating has always been...if I find out I’m out!! But...it’s actually happening to me and I love him. Besides this he’s been a pretty good husband. He loves the kid endlessly and everyone around him. He’s good to me, he became territorial about his phone which made me start wondering what was going on. I’m actually shocked and of course disappointed that he was talking to someone...I had my feelings but thought it was my own insecurities. Edited January 8, 2020 by Kim-ye
Crazelnut Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 Kim-ye, unless he admits to the affair (yes, he is having an affair), MC is pointless. You love him & he's a good father -- but he's also a liar and a cheater. Do you want to stay in a marriage based on lies? The only way you stand a chance at having a healthy marriage is if he admits the truth, works on his own issues, and you two have MC. You need hard proof of what's going on. Have you given any thought to the suggestion of getting some software to restore text messages and get to the bottom of it? Also, check his phone for secret messaging apps, like KIK. Or put a voice-activated recorder wherever you think he's likely to talk to her. Or just flat out ask him to take a polygraph test. I'll bet that scares a confession out of him right away. He sounds gutless.
PegNosePete Posted January 8, 2020 Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) It's pretty clear that he has been having an ongoing physical affair. Why else would he delete all the previous messages? The subject being "what would you do?"... here is what I would do. Pack his bags for him and tell him if he can't tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, then he's moving out right now and you're going to file for divorce first thing tomorrow. Of course he will lie, lie, lie because that's what all cheaters do. Whatever he tells you I guarantee it will be gaslighting, minimising, trickle-truthing. Even if he does admit small details you need to keep saying that you know with 100% certainty that there's more he's not telling you. He will ask how you know, what is your proof etc, but you tell him it doesn't matter HOW you know, the only thing relevant is that you KNOW he's still lying and if he won't tell the full truth then the marriage is over and you will be filing for divorce tomorrow. And if he doesn't tell you everything, you need to follow through with it. Kick him out of the house and see a divorce lawyer tomorrow. Edited January 8, 2020 by PegNosePete 2
Buffer Posted January 13, 2020 Posted January 13, 2020 You call the shots, don’t let him gas light you. What do you feel is right. Please make no real long term relationship decisions for a while due to the emotions going on. Medical checks are a must as well get him to do a proper time line of the A, EA or PA including his feelings he is minimising this and will TT you. The truth will set you free Buffer
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