mortensorchid Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 I have had a lot of this over the many years of dating - this is not just about my current troubles with Divorced Dad - but this is something I have hear time and again. Guys have told me that they don't want a serious relationship with me and are looking for something else other than me. Ok, fair enough I guess, but then I see what happens after that and it's terrible. I have seen couples move in together after knowing each other for not even six months. I have seen people rebound and marry the next woman who came down the pike barely a year after breaking it off with me. They end up with the wrong person (I will refrain from saying trashy girls anymore thanks to those who have come down on me for doing so)and it's a disaster. Well, my question then is this: if they want to be in a serious relationship with someone other than me why do they pick someone who is obviously not right for them?
alphamale Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 they may pick someone else for any of a million different reasons 1
Legatus Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 Probably because it's only obvious to you. They might have a completely different feeling about those people... 2
Foxhall Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 You are instilling confidence in them to pursue other relationships, so they are getting plenty of positives from their liaisons with you, you obviously feel that their new found confidence is misdirected, why do you think they are not staying with you? perhaps you are not fighting for it, being put off too easily i
Ami1uwant Posted January 4, 2020 Posted January 4, 2020 3 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I have had a lot of this over the many years of dating - this is not just about my current troubles with Divorced Dad - but this is something I have hear time and again. Guys have told me that they don't want a serious relationship with me and are looking for something else other than me. Ok, fair enough I guess, but then I see what happens after that and it's terrible. I have seen couples move in together after knowing each other for not even six months. I have seen people rebound and marry the next woman who came down the pike barely a year after breaking it off with me. They end up with the wrong person (I will refrain from saying trashy girls anymore thanks to those who have come down on me for doing so)and it's a disaster. Well, my question then is this: if they want to be in a serious relationship with someone other than me why do they pick someone who is obviously not right for them? Not right for them is your opinion..... the bigger wuestion is ehy dud why did they break up with you? Why do you think you are better than those women? I bet there is something with you that you don’t realize you are doing that drive them away.
Interstellar Posted January 4, 2020 Posted January 4, 2020 Maybe there’s something physical about you that you’re not telling us.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 4, 2020 Posted January 4, 2020 Are you screening well for relationship-minded men? By now I've learned to spot time-wasting "casual" daters from a mile off, and I have nothing to do with them. If yes, then there's something about you that is turning them off from having a serious relationship with you. It could be appearance, attitude, any number of things. It's hard to tell just from what you write here. If you have a dating profile and are willing to PM it to me, I'll give you my honest, tactful feedback. I'd love to see you find love! 3
schlumpy Posted January 4, 2020 Posted January 4, 2020 12 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I have had a lot of this over the many years of dating - this is not just about my current troubles with Divorced Dad - but this is something I have hear time and again. Guys have told me that they don't want a serious relationship with me and are looking for something else other than me. Ok, fair enough I guess, but then I see what happens after that and it's terrible. I have seen couples move in together after knowing each other for not even six months. I have seen people rebound and marry the next woman who came down the pike barely a year after breaking it off with me. They end up with the wrong person (I will refrain from saying trashy girls anymore thanks to those who have come down on me for doing so)and it's a disaster. Well, my question then is this: if they want to be in a serious relationship with someone other than me why do they pick someone who is obviously not right for them? I guess it would help if you would reveal the common reason that men give you for parting company. It could be anything. Do you look your SO in the eye when sharing a tender moment or do you look away and act furtive? Is it in your mannerisms? Do you get enthusiastic when your SO talks about doing something special or do you pick his plan apart and make something simple into something complex? Are you always late and a poor time manager? That can be a very irritating trait for lots of people since it's usually perceived as lack of respect. It could be one of a hundred things. BTW, do you ever spend time at Cuyahoga Valley NP?
alphamale Posted January 4, 2020 Posted January 4, 2020 12 hours ago, Interstellar said: Maybe there’s something physical about you that you’re not telling us. I have often thought the same thing about mortensorchid... 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 4, 2020 Posted January 4, 2020 Most women in that reality show "my 600 pound life" have partners. I struggle to see how anything physical could be the reason MO had no luck for many, many years. As for personality, I know a lot of bats*** insane people that are married. Mental illness, personality disorders, autistic, socially awkward, you name it. I am stumped.
Interstellar Posted January 4, 2020 Posted January 4, 2020 5 hours ago, Eternal Sunshine said: Most women in that reality show "my 600 pound life" have partners. I struggle to see how anything physical could be the reason MO had no luck for many, many years. As for personality, I know a lot of bats*** insane people that are married. Mental illness, personality disorders, autistic, socially awkward, you name it. I am stumped. Maybe she has a giant mole on her forehead, or it could be something else entirely...
Timshel Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 On 1/3/2020 at 5:24 PM, mortensorchid said: Well, my question then is this: if they want to be in a serious relationship with someone other than me why do they pick someone who is obviously not right for them? They pick (fall in love with) someone who they are passionate for, mortensorchid....and they are not passionate for you. Why? Who can say over the internet; from your posts, you have a flat affect. You seem detached from reality and disjointed. There isn't much any person may observe as far as emotion or sincere care from you, rather a detached and inconsistent concern for what you want but are not able to achieve. A person may get the sense that you are annoyed but then fall asleep. You may have answered in previous threads but I wonder if you have been evaluated by a psychologist? I do not mean in any way to offend, there is no shame or harm in acting on 'hey let's find out what is happening.'' Certainly no person on the internet will be able to say it's this or that. If it is a worry for you then it's a worry for people who care about you on ls. 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 6 hours ago, Interstellar said: Maybe she has a giant mole on her forehead, or it could be something else entirely... Reminds of this one experience, many years ago... I picked up this one woman at a bar, when we went back to her place; she had SIX cats. And all of them had these long stupid names like "Pink Princess Topaz of Alexandria" and crap like that. And this woman talked to them in a "baby voice". Those cats ruled the home, as well. I did stay (the night), but never went back (or called). Yes I found the REAL Crazy Cat Lady!! 1
thecrucible Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 On 1/3/2020 at 10:24 PM, mortensorchid said: I have had a lot of this over the many years of dating - this is not just about my current troubles with Divorced Dad - but this is something I have hear time and again. Guys have told me that they don't want a serious relationship with me and are looking for something else other than me. Ok, fair enough I guess, but then I see what happens after that and it's terrible. I have seen couples move in together after knowing each other for not even six months. I have seen people rebound and marry the next woman who came down the pike barely a year after breaking it off with me. They end up with the wrong person (I will refrain from saying trashy girls anymore thanks to those who have come down on me for doing so)and it's a disaster. Well, my question then is this: if they want to be in a serious relationship with someone other than me why do they pick someone who is obviously not right for them? Can you ask any of them for an honest answer? Or a male friend for thoughts? Also who's to say they aren't the trashy ones and not the women they end up marrying after six months? I wouldn't worry about who you think is wrong for them 'cause that's up to them, if you know what I mean.
Noproblem Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 (edited) On 1/3/2020 at 5:24 PM, mortensorchid said: Well, my question then is this: if they want to be in a serious relationship with someone other than me why do they pick someone who is obviously not right for them? why do you care? Do not overthink it, do not over analyze it, and do not compare yourself to others. Once you end a relationship, they do not matter any more.. They do not matter and treat them like they never even exited. Also what's so special about serious relationship anyway. Start to look for a casual one and if you find the right person, the casual relationship might turn into a serious one. Sometimes you waste all your years in the wrong state, have you considered moving to a city and changing your life around? What's in Ohio, nothing but married people! Edited January 5, 2020 by Noproblem 1
Blind-Sided Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 (edited) MO....... Since I don't know you in real life... it's very hard to say why. All I can do is reflect from personal experience, and maybe you can apply the info. 1) The first girl I had sex with when I was a teen was a lot of fun to hang out with. But, she was very trashy, and... ummm.... not the prettiest girl in town. When I was young, the "Pretty" thing kind of ruled over most other parts. I stopped talking to her, but she would call the house. Eventually, my mom just kind of told her that I wasn't interest. Not proud of that... but I was 15 or so. (not that my mom knew about the sex thing) I couldn't tell her the truth that I thought she wasn't pretty because that would have just hurt her feelings. 2) After a girl broke up with me... who I truly had fillings for... there was a sort-of rebound girl. She was the neighbor of a friend, and she was newly divorced. I was 19, she was early 20's. She was CRAZY clingy, and was very obvious that we could be intimate, even after the second time we met. (mind you, these weren't dates. it was just being at my buddy's house) Here again... her being very forward was a turn off. We didn't have sex, because I knew better at that point, but she kind of turned into a stocker after. In this case, I couldn't tell her I wasn't ready to be a "Husband" and a dad to her baby. (since That was what she was looking for) 3) In college, there was a girl who was pretty, slender, and fun to be with. She was also VERY aggressive. She smoked. End of story. (although she hung out with my group all the time) In this case, I broke it off because I didn't like kissing an ashtray. 4) Also in college, there was the CUTE little redhead, and I was really infatuated with her. We went out several times, but only fooled around lightly. (no penetration) But after a couple months... I realized she was nutz!! So, I broke it off. In this case, I was trying to be nice because I didn't want to tell her what I thought. 5) I was 24 or so... I hooked up with a friend of my cousin. She was nothing more than a FWB to me, because that's what I needed. She an I were 2 TOTALY different people, and I knew it could never work long term. She also agreed to keep it as a FWB situation, but when I told her I was done because I met someone... she got mad. (this time it was the truth) Anyway... as you can see... there is a lot of reasons someone may not want to continue to date another person. And... to not just seem like a total A-hole... sometimes the truth is withheld. You will find love again. Stay positive, and stay true to yourself... and stay away from online dating for a while. As you can see from my examples above... guys can tell with a girl is "On the prowl," and it's not conducive to a long term relationship. Edited January 5, 2020 by Blind-Sided
elaine567 Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 I guess, these men do not see her as "wife material" for some reason or there was just not enough in common to take things any further. If they are ending up with "trashy" women, are they a bit "trashy" themselves perhaps? Are you dating guys who are not on the same level as you?
lana-banana Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 "I don't want a serious relationship", "I'm not interested in getting committed", "I'm just not feeling it" --- almost without exception all of these mean it's you. "I don't want a serious relationship" almost always means "I don't want a serious relationship with you". "I want to focus on myself right now" means "I'm not interested in focusing on you". Of course, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It just means that for whatever reason the two of you aren't clicking as a couple. So if a guy tells you he doesn't want a serious relationship but gets engaged to a new lady a year later, that's why. He did want that connection, he just didn't have it with you. And that's fine. If relationships were easy this site wouldn't exist. You just have to keep going and not take it personally. 1
Piddy Posted January 5, 2020 Posted January 5, 2020 (edited) 20 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: Reminds of this one experience, many years ago... I picked up this one woman at a bar, when we went back to her place; she had SIX cats. And all of them had these long stupid names like "Pink Princess Topaz of Alexandria" and crap like that. And this woman talked to them in a "baby voice". Those cats ruled the home, as well. I did stay (the night), but never went back (or called). Yes I found the REAL Crazy Cat Lady!! Hey, some of us like cats. And if you've ever owned a cat, they do rule the house. Edited January 5, 2020 by Piddy 3
basil67 Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 Yet you managed to call the other girls trashy anyway. I can't help but believe your critical attitude towards others is part of your problem. 6
OatsAndHall Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 After all of the "dating rules" and "relationship etiquette", settling down with someone comes down to two things; being content and comfortable with them. I've met my fair share of women of the years and I can throw out a dozen different specific reasons why I called it off with them. But, at the end of the day, I wasn't truly comfortable and happy being with them. Call it incompatibility, "lack of spark", "red flags" (etc) but something just didn't fit. 2
Happy Lemming Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 1 hour ago, Piddy said: Hey, some of us like cats. And if you've ever owned a cat, they do rule the house. Two cats is the limit... once a single woman exceeds two cats in her household, she is on her way to being a "Crazy Cat Lady"!! 1 1
Ambereyes Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 Maybe You pick the wrong men. For example, you are a nice girl but keep picking bad boys, while bad boys dont find you exciting, they get excited by bad girls. So they all settle with someone else whom you may think is crazy, but they like. You need to figure out what you are looking for in men and then examine if those traits are actually compatible to you.
Author mortensorchid Posted January 6, 2020 Author Posted January 6, 2020 On 1/4/2020 at 6:30 AM, schlumpy said: I guess it would help if you would reveal the common reason that men give you for parting company. It could be anything. Do you look your SO in the eye when sharing a tender moment or do you look away and act furtive? Is it in your mannerisms? Do you get enthusiastic when your SO talks about doing something special or do you pick his plan apart and make something simple into something complex? Are you always late and a poor time manager? That can be a very irritating trait for lots of people since it's usually perceived as lack of respect. It could be one of a hundred things. BTW, do you ever spend time at Cuyahoga Valley NP? They say they have been damaged by someone from the past and can't get over it. They say they want to do other things rather than be with me, or they find the relationship boring once the new has worn off. Or they don't like that I am not prone to drama. Some didn't like my friends - we were hard partiers in the past but we're all in middle age now and we are much calmer than in the past. I guess there always was/is an excuse. And no I have never been to Cuyahoga Valley NP.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 3 hours ago, basil67 said: Yet you managed to call the other girls trashy anyway. I can't help but believe your critical attitude towards others is part of your problem. Agree. Especially putting it in "print." MO can't help herself but point this out. MO, why are you the authority on who is right for someone and who is not? Who is "trashy" and who is not? 1
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