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New here. but not new as an Other Woman - partner separating

EEK

By EEK
in The Other Man / Woman

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Tristian
Message added by Tristian

As a reminder, this thread is about a member who's evidently been an OW for a long time and needs suggestions and advice as their married partner goes through separation and divorce. Please focus on the thread starter and their relationship and the assistance they requested. Thanks!

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
On 1/9/2020 at 2:52 PM, elaine567 said:

I was hoping for your sake she had gone off with an OM, but it doesn't sound like it.'

I was hoping for his wife's sake she had the good sense to go off with the OM.  He must be begging her to stay.

Crazelnut Established Member

Crazelnut

Posted
Posted (edited)

Eek, it isn't vilification to say that he is being selfish and will make a terrible long term partner.  That's just a big ol' dose of reality.  I'm sorry you are hurting, but you seem to be ignoring some very fundamental things about him -- he's selfish, he's a serial cheater, he's weak.  We've all seen this or been part of how this goes down.  He's not a prize, and you're not the winner.  Your ongoing relationship is a lose-lose proposition.  He flat out told you he wants her back.  Seriously, what more will it take for you to just walk away from this train wreck?  REALLY walk away, not just "fade into the background."  That's just another way of saying you're hanging around waiting for him to change his mind again. 

Edited by Crazelnut
  • Like 4
Prudence V Established Member

Prudence V

Posted
Posted
18 hours ago, EEK said:

I don't know what I classify him as at the moment... <snip> right now I'm just digesting and wrapping my brain around us not having a future together... 

EEK you have your whole life. You do not need to make any rash decisions or classifications or anything right now. Grieve, heal, distance yourself, whatever you need to do to process the new information you were given. If you want to walk away, do so. If you want to fade away, do that. Or if you weigh up options and want to go back - do that, but do it with your eyes open. You’ve seen him in this space. Only you know what you’re willing to live with, and only you know whether his good qualities outweigh what you’re seeing of his less attractive ones. It’s your call. You’re accountable only to yourself for your choice, not to a bunch of electrons on the Internet. 

 

18 hours ago, EEK said:

it's also hard to hear people vilify him. I want to defend him cause he's not a bad person. But there isn't much point in defending him to strangers on a forum.

So don’t. You know him, no one here does. Don’t invest effort where it’s just going to bring you grief. Invest in your own recovery rather than trying to convince anyone here of anything. 

  • Like 2
  • 1 month later...
Poppy's sister Established Member

Poppy's sister

Posted
Posted

@EEK

I am going through similar situation with long term AP starting to separate from wife and now saying doesn't know what he wants. 

I wondered how you are doing and what you did in the end? 

I have ended things badly... And now feel somewhat conflicted myself as reading on here about how men particularly find this time confusing. 

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