Timmyt55 Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 (edited) I met wife 5 years ago. She was living with her ex husband and three kids. They were still legally married but there was no relationship as he cheated on her and they just stayed in the home for the kids. After a few months of dating I found that she still stays in contact with a ex boyfriend of hers she met between me and her husband who is well off. She was doing office work for him for a paycheck. I made it simple I do not share my time with exes I do not do this and I don’t expect it done it return. I even made it clear before we ever actually met that I wanted someone who is over the past and ready to move forward with their lives. She promised me she’d take care of this problem and it would be done. Here we are 5 years later we are married now but she has a real problem settling in as things didn’t go well in her divorce. They had an agreement as to what would happen if one met someone and wanted out of the playing house relationship and he totally screwed her trust over in that so now she is gun shy about me thanks to him. She is also bi polar and will not medicated herself. Do not explain to me how important this is as I know and push for it all the time. I know this isn’t a picture perfect relationship but I’m here for only one problem. So now about every six months she contacts this ex and has him send money to her to “get out” he sends it thinking she is coming to him and then she ends up staying and promising me again that he will be dealt with. They never actually meet as he doesn’t live close and she never actually leaves so cheating isn’t the issue is this piece of garbage living in my shadows. So now I have given her a choice it’s him or me plain and simple and it will be taken care of my way this time of she wants me as I cannot trust her to be rid of this safety net on her own. So my question is how should I go about getting this loser out of our lives with no chance she can reconcile it forever? I could go beat him but that would show he worries me which he doesn’t he had his chance before me and wasn’t good enough. I could make life hell on him mostly illegal but nothing I’m concerned about but again this would just make him think he is winning. My wife says she is willing to do whatever I say needs done to fix thi so here’s my thought. I want her to call him and ask for a significant amount of money to “ get out” now and meet him ASAP. Even making him come meet her with the money so he knows and sees it her and then leave and spend his money on myself and have her call and tell him it was just for money he’s a loser and always will be. No this isn’t moral, ethical and maybe not even legal but I really don’t care he needs to go once and for all so if you have a sure fire way that is better than this I’m all ears. Edited January 5, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Add paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 21 hours ago, Timmyt55 said: So now about every six months she contacts this ex and has him send money to her to “get out” he sends it thinking she is coming to him and then she ends up staying and promising me again that he will be dealt with. They never actually meet as he doesn’t live close and she never actually leaves so cheating isn’t the issue is this piece of garbage living in my shadows. <snip> I want her to call him and ask for a significant amount of money to “ get out” now and meet him ASAP. Even making him come meet her with the money so he knows and sees it her and then leave and spend his money on myself and have her call and tell him it was just for money he’s a loser and always will be. No this isn’t moral, ethical and maybe not even legal but I really don’t care he needs to go once and for all so if you have a sure fire way that is better than this I’m all ears. Your plan for addressing this situation is pretty horrifying. The problem person here is your wife. She needs to go NC with this ex after explaining to him that she is married and no longer available. And you need to find your moral compass. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Timmyt55 Posted January 4, 2020 Author Share Posted January 4, 2020 thanks for replying but you seem to miss my point here I know. He knows she is married and he doesn’t ever contact her but when she does contact him he is ready to do whatever she asks to get her to him. This to me is very disrespectful he should tell her to only contact him when she is divorced and in no way am I justifying my wife’s stupidity she is totally wrong as well and that why this bridge needs burned to ashes. I am not a subtle person I came here looking for real advise not some soft ass way to keep this problem on going I want permanent results. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 8 minutes ago, Timmyt55 said: he doesn’t ever contact her but when she does contact him he is ready to do whatever she asks to get her to him. Again, this is on your wife, not him. Your wife needs to stop contacting him. Full stop. That is the only solution here and there is nothing soft ass about it. It might be worth you taking a look at why you have so much anger for this man, who by your own words is not contacting your wife, and not for your wife, who is the instigator in this mess. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Timmyt55 Posted January 4, 2020 Author Share Posted January 4, 2020 (edited) I knew this wasn’t going to get me anywhere people act like it is only one person to blame and everyone else is always innocent well where I’m from you pay to play and he isn’t a saint here. I want not only no contact but any kind of friendship or relationship ruined for good. My solution does this not anything g you suggested does Edited January 4, 2020 by Timmyt55 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 He always sends money, she doesn't see him but the next time he sends the money again. he is getting some net gain somewhere.. IMO your wife isn't telling the truth.. as far as your idea to end it.. Yeah she will agree to do something dangerous like that as well as mean.. Not gonna happen because she is cheating on you.. Any married woman who takes money from a guy to go meet him is at the very least a scammer and if she is giving him companionship then she is cheating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jeff0011 Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 You said she is bipolar. That’s what these women do that are bipolar. Lie and cheat. Lie and cheat. And they can be quite convincing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Timmyt55 Posted January 5, 2020 Author Share Posted January 5, 2020 I wish people would read and understand instead of insinuate and think they know everything. She is not cheating he lives too far away and she doesn’t have any time that’s not accounted for. It’s not like he’s sending a million bucks he sends her a thousand or so and it’s nothing to him he does it in hopes she will give him another chance. What is dangerous about my idea? Mean? That’s what people get for getting involved in people’s affairs again you pay to play. She will do it she has no choice again I know the whole story you know what I give you. She never meets for the money he wires it to her. I guess if this is the best ideas everyone has I will be sending a pic of the check I make him send lmao Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 (edited) I have read what you posted and also understand and have never said I know everything, my post simply said she isn't tell you the truth, no guy would do this if he wasn't getting something out of it, it's up to you to find out what it is.. the guy is just a scumbag, your wife however is cheating on you, an emotional affair is just as bad for your marriage as a physical one. She is seeking out and getting something from him.. As far as dangerous, he is asking her to meet him, IMO that is dangerous.. she is married BTW, when someone wires you money they still have to pick it up, so she IS doing something to keep this going.. she is showing him that her attention can be bought.. It might be time for you to figure out how much of this scenario you don't know about, my guess is a bunch.. what about internet sex.. are you saying she never contacts him other than picking up the money from the wire transfer company ? what about sexting thru apps designed to hide the affair ? and the other thing that your wife should answer for is WHY does she keep accepting the money ? Edited January 5, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Timmyt55 Posted January 5, 2020 Author Share Posted January 5, 2020 Why are you so hung up on the fact there’s cheating involved? He is hoping to buy her permanently but the money he sends isn’t nothing to him. There is no sexting texting or any other contact as she knows I watch our phones and no there is no burner or other phone . I know the whole story with this pos he has been giving her money for years hoping she will come back and don’t tell me he has to be getting something out of it because there is plenty of guys who give women money on hopes of getting something they are losers but they do exist and again this is not answering my original question my question is how I should get him gone permanently not your opinions on anything else again you have no clue to the whole story I have you enough to help with the question I asked not give you worthless opinion of everything else you think you read into Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 (edited) Getting him gone permanently will only happen when your wife tells the truth and stops accepting his advances... I'm not hung up on it.. she is emotionally cheating on you. It won't happen by going after him, she is also part of the equation. Good Luck and I hope you find some peace in all this... Edited January 5, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 (edited) On 1/3/2020 at 11:07 AM, Timmyt55 said: So now about every six months she contacts this ex and has him send money to her to “get out” he sends it thinking she is coming to him and then she ends up staying and promising me again that he will be dealt with. The issue is not him as much as it's with her. Have you asked her why she contacts him asking for money ? Edited January 5, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Timmyt55 Posted January 5, 2020 Author Share Posted January 5, 2020 I will post a pick of my check lmao and when he sees he was set up by her and used by her and he is left waiting on her to show up we will see how much he helps next time Link to post Share on other sites
Author Timmyt55 Posted January 5, 2020 Author Share Posted January 5, 2020 Because she plans on leaving and he sends her money Hoping if she gets out and needs him he will get her back with him. I look at it this way I told her this is it it’s done my way this time or she’s gone so if she doesn’t do it she’s gone I’m out nothing if she does and then contacts him she’s gone and I got my lawyer fees and whatever else out of the deal so again I win Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 2 minutes ago, Timmyt55 said: I will post a pick of my check lmao and when he sees he was set up by her and used by her and he is left waiting on her to show up we will see how much he helps next time Don't post a pic of the check, posting personally identifying info isn't going to go over very well here. So you think he will stop sending money if he knows your wife is a scammer ? why are you okay with your wife being a scammer ? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 That doesn't sound like much of a fulfilling marriage, maybe you should just get out now. Link to post Share on other sites
jeff0011 Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 OP, this is probably closer to the reality based on your first post. a. She told you he cheated on her. (She lied To you and most likely cheated on him) b while Living with her husband she had met you (cheating) c she also met other guys while living with her husband (the guy sending money) d she talks to him often and you do not know. She probably wants to be with him. e it makes you insecure and jealous , so you are mad at him F she is bipolar, not in meds, and not trustworthy There is no good “solution” to fix her and her actions 1 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 I hope you don’t mind me asking but every time I see your thread come up, I feel the need to ask this. Usually I can control myself and not ask for fear it may be seen as rude but... Why did you name the title of it “Leaving go of the past” as opposed to “Letting go of the past.” Was it an autocorrect mistake or just .. what. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, K.K. said: I hope you don’t mind me asking but every time I see your thread come up, I feel the need to ask this. Usually I can control myself and not ask for fear it may be seen as rude but... Why did you name the title of it “Leaving go of the past” as opposed to “Letting go of the past.” Was it an autocorrect mistake or just .. what. I assume this poster is from central or western Pennsylvania, but that's just my experience with the English language ;). Edited January 6, 2020 by CautiouslyOptimistic 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 Your plan is despicable and juvenile. The problem isn't him responding. The problem is your wife asking. THAT is the problem you need to solve. You need to get your wife to stop calling this guy. You're trying to treat the symptom instead of the underlying problem (your wife!). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 You made a YUGE mistake by choosing a bi-polar woman. You should have ran. Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 On 1/6/2020 at 3:42 AM, Timmyt55 said: Because she plans on leaving and he sends her money Hoping if she gets out and needs him he will get her back with him. I look at it this way I told her this is it it’s done my way this time or she’s gone so if she doesn’t do it she’s gone I’m out nothing if she does and then contacts him she’s gone and I got my lawyer fees and whatever else out of the deal so again I win Sounds like you are getting this sorted, good work. Maybe consider the next time he sends money, add to it and a one way bus ticket for her to him. The only way to get him out of your life is to get your wife out also, they came as a package deal. Link to post Share on other sites
jeff0011 Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 I have dated the bipolar or bpd girl in the past. And researched it. It is interesting to me how similar all of the relationships are. a. They usually never fully let go of exes. And will contact certain men for the rest of their lives. b. They are adept and getting resources from men. Usually money through sex, offers of sex, love bombing c. They will be excellent at lying about what the reality of the current situation is. d. After a break up they embark on a smear campaign of their ex. . Only to later burn you by going back to their ex. I had a bpd ex recently contact me from years ago, professing love. She is remarried with a 1 yr old. That’s just what they do. Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 Your idea is totally dishonest and a con. Just calling a spade a spade. Be better than that. As others have said the real problem is your wife communicating and accepting money from this guy. I feel sorry for him. She IS cheating. Emotionally cheating. No telling what she actually texts the guy but it is easy to guess. Honestly, it is very scary that people just 'out for the money' like this are in the dating pool and it should serve as a warning to the rest of the world. Tell your wife to stop communicating with other men to lead them on. Don't tolerate anything less than openness and honesty in yourself and others. Ever. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 On 1/7/2020 at 12:22 PM, jeff0011 said: I have dated the bipolar or bpd girl in the past. Bpd = Borderline Personality Disorder. Bipolar disorder, formerly known as manic depression Two entirely separate disorders. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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