ber2 Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 So I´ve gotten into a situation in which I don´t know what to do... I dated this girl twice that I met on the usual dating app, on the second date I made her dinner etc, everything went great. We ended up having sex, and this is where it went downhill, she drank ALOT of alcohol, I noticed a similar pattern on the first date we had. I told her that I hadn't done this in a long time so it was abit unsual for me to go about it so fast, I was slightly stressed, the sex wasnt a disaster, but it definitely wasnt great. She wanted to keep going but I guess I stopped too early... I put my arms around her and we just laid in bed watching a movie instead. We did talk about it afterwards, and she seemed ok with it and agreed that its not uncommon for sex to be awkward the first time. I know I should have initiated a second time but I had so much to drink... The day after I had the worst hangover, I told her this many times how terrible I felt from the alchohol, so she wouldnt think that I was lacking interest in her.. I couldnt give her any attention due to the hangover so I was pretty quiet. I drove her home, we kissed goodbye and agreed on meeting up again. I can tell from the texts that something has changed in her attitude and emotions, she keeps them relatively short and only replies to texts that I´m sending, I asked her how she was doing etc, just small talk. So I cut the contact for now, not sure what to do... should I call her up, talk about the whole thing in a serious manner or just set another date? Or just wait for her to see if she initiates any contact whatsover? I want it to work, we´re both after a relationship but I´m getting second thoughts about the whole thing if she´s really honest about that... I know she goes out drinking every weekend so it wouldnt be totally illogical if she does this alot. In the end, I dont blame her at all, I know its my own fault for not being 100% open with her and me being a complete fool in bed. I brought it on myself, not being a man. Any advice on what I should do here?
dramallama Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 Chill out. She might have read too many forums that say that women go crazy after sex and act like they are in an insta-relationship and she's trying to play it cool. Invite her on another date - but something active so sex isn't obviously on the table. See how she reacts. And breathe. It's fine. And yes it's not at all uncommon for the sex to be less than amazing first time round, especially if you were both drunk. 2
chillii Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 Yeah , l'd go with above. And don't forget that stuff goes both ways women are usually pretty bad if not downright awful in bed drunk too. 2
Author ber2 Posted January 2, 2020 Author Posted January 2, 2020 Thanks for the replies, really appreciate it. Takes alot of the headache and stress away.
Saracena Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 When was your last date OP? I would just set up another one now and take it from there. No need to discuss the last one, too heavy. Also try to relax a bit from now on! Good luck! 1
Author ber2 Posted January 3, 2020 Author Posted January 3, 2020 9 hours ago, Saracena said: When was your last date OP? I would just set up another one now and take it from there. No need to discuss the last one, too heavy. Also try to relax a bit from now on! Good luck! It was 6 days ago, thinking about texting her and ask her out today/this weekend. Perhaps thats too soon?
JTSW Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 The alcohol played a big part in the awkwardness. It seemed to make things worse, so minimize the intake and see how that goes. You don't need to get hammered to enjoy each others company. I can guarantee that she is likely wondering the same things about you as you are about her. Text her and ask her out for this weekend. It's not too soon at all. In fact, you've left it too long in my opinion. Good luck. 2
Author ber2 Posted January 3, 2020 Author Posted January 3, 2020 Sent her a message today if she wanted to meet up again this weekend, got a long text back saying she thought about this alot and she doesnt want to go back and forth, but as she´s feeling now she doesnt feel enough. She wants something else. (This is basically what happened the first date, but then changed her mind for a second date) I wrote her, I understand you, feel like talking about it on the phone? She said yes so I called her, told her about the whole thing, and was open about us and the whole situation. Told her I liked her and I wanted to continue seeing her, and that I havent been the best at showing her that I really like her, that I had come across as closed off sort of because thats usually how I am when I´m meeting new people. Longer answer short she basically told me that she felt I had too little "go" in me, energy, and feels like that what she needs from a partner and doesnt know whether I´ll have that in the future. I told her to think about it, no need for a straight answer this moment. I could sort of hear in the tone of her voice how she already made up her mind when saying goodbye though. So thats that, just wanted to update. Back to square one! I guess I have some internal work to do before going into the dating scene. 1
Recommended Posts