Author ElecLibre Posted January 2, 2020 Author Posted January 2, 2020 4 minutes ago, stillafool said: I wouldn't reach out and ask him "are you still interested or not on Saturday"? No, let him reach out to you with a set time for a date and if he doesn't don't text him anymore. You've already done too much. Sorry clearly I'm not expressing myself well. I meant if/when we meet in person on Saturday I'll ask him point blank during the date, especially if it goes as well as it usually does. I just assumed when someone isn't interested they look for excuses not to hang out or just say it point blank. I don't expect them to be available for a date and plan something fun
Piddy Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 40 minutes ago, ElecLibre said: I started seeing this "new" guy before I slept with the married man, then there was an overlap for a while. I'm not really dating married man, there's nothing exclusive there, and he knows that I'm still in the dating game, he just asked me to practice safe sex and get tested regularly to avoid any STDs (which I do anyway). I also stepped back these past 2 weeks so he can commit his time to his family over the holidays. Nope, neither of us mentioned anything about that on our profiles but we did briefly speak about it on our first date and seemed aligned. I guess all this is speculation, I'm just going to ask him point blank if he's still interested in pursuing this or not on Saturday. I'll keep you all posted, I'm starting to see the appeal in sharing with strangers through a forum! So, do you tell the new guy that you're having sex with the married guy? Not sure what the etiquette is on this type thing. I would think that would be the protocol if you start having sex with the new guy. I forget, do you use condoms with the married guy? You seem responsible so I assume you are. 1
elaine567 Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 Don't bother with the "talk". He has made it crystal clear he isn't interested in dating you. He is 44 not 14, he knows exactly what he is doing. If he wanted to see you, he would be making plans to do so. I see no point in making a fool of yourself. OK so he agrees to sex, how long are you going to wait this time before you again have to text him when he doesn't stay in touch, 4 weeks... 6 weeks... 6 months... Dignity. Stay away.is my advice. 5
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: What book have you been reading? Be careful of those dating guru who are only interested in getting your money. Being a high value man has nothing to do with a dating guru, it has to do with putting your time into your life instead of chasing women. Women who are afraid to chase are doomed to be with a lesser man. 1
Veronica73 Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 (edited) Agree with Elaine. Not that I’ve had tons of experience, but I think a guy who really wants to see you will try to see you. And make it clear. I guess if you’re happy with doing all the heavy lifting, carry on. I’ve done so before and it always ended with me being more invested and hurt. Edited January 2, 2020 by Veronica73 1
stillafool Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 (edited) 52 minutes ago, ElecLibre said: Sorry clearly I'm not expressing myself well. I meant if/when we meet in person on Saturday I'll ask him point blank during the date, especially if it goes as well as it usually does. I just assumed when someone isn't interested they look for excuses not to hang out or just say it point blank. I don't expect them to be available for a date and plan something fun Men have a hard time rejecting women so they lie instead. Actually women do the same. Edited January 2, 2020 by stillafool
elaine567 Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 9 minutes ago, Veronica73 said: Agree with Elaine. Not that I’ve had tons of experience, but I think a guy who really wants to see you will try to see you. And make it clear. I guess if you’re happy with doing all the heavy lifting, carry on. I’ve done so before and it always ended with me being more invested and hurt. Exactly. Men do not respect women who chase them like this. ElecLibre You tested him, he failed the test and you are still giving him a chance... The minute you noticed you were doing all the running was the minute you needed to blank him. You are a high quality woman, you are 29, you do not need some washed up 44yo making you feel bad about yourself. You need a guy who makes you feel like a princess. Same with Mr MM he needs binned as well. Time marches on and if you fill your time with no-hopers the next time you look around, the "good guys" will be all gone. 1
elaine567 Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 24 minutes ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said: Being a high value man has nothing to do with a dating guru, it has to do with putting your time into your life instead of chasing women. Women who are afraid to chase are doomed to be with a lesser man. Lesser men are afraid to chase, so they have to leave it to the women, that is the reality... 3
Veronica73 Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 (edited) So it’s up to women to chase men instead of putting time into their own lives? Seriously confused. Edited January 2, 2020 by Veronica73
kendahke Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 4 hours ago, ElecLibre said: met a guy (44 - not sure that's relevant) Maybe his equipment doesn't work and that's why he's cool with cuddling on the couch and letting you drift for 4 weeks? 1
Veronica73 Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 Umm...that’s quite young for your equipment not to work!
kendahke Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Veronica73 said: Umm...that’s quite young for your equipment not to work! depends upon what condition his overall health is in and if he takes/took care of himself, if and what medication he's on for other things (like hypertension, etc). it's more common than you appreciate Edited January 2, 2020 by kendahke 2
Veronica73 Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 I guess. Okay,.. but hasn’t been my experience. Even with men who are older and haven’t taken care of themselves. I’m sorry, but 44 still seems quite young for those problems.
Author ElecLibre Posted January 3, 2020 Author Posted January 3, 2020 1 hour ago, Piddy said: So, do you tell the new guy that you're having sex with the married guy? Not sure what the etiquette is on this type thing. (...) do you use condoms with the married guy? No, I think it's quite clear we are both dating and there is a chance there are other people in the picture. Until we "define" anything there is no need to bring up that topic in my opinion. I Always use condoms for STDs and the pill for BC. the only time I went bare was in my last long-term, commited relationship. 45 minutes ago, kendahke said: Maybe his equipment doesn't work and that's why he's cool with cuddling on the couch and letting you drift for 4 weeks? This didn't cross my mind at all! Perhaps... Or as the others said, this might just be platonic for him, he just enjoys my company when I'm around but nothing more.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 Or maybe he's a spy.....hired by the betrayed wife.....dun, dun, dun...... 2
Foxhall Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 1 hour ago, kendahke said: Maybe his equipment doesn't work and that's why he's cool with cuddling on the couch and letting you drift for 4 weeks? Id venture you are spot on with this, i 1
Piddy Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 27 minutes ago, ElecLibre said: No, I think it's quite clear we are both dating and there is a chance there are other people in the picture. Until we "define" anything there is no need to bring up that topic in my opinion. I Always use condoms for STDs and the pill for BC. the only time I went bare was in my last long-term, commited relationship. This didn't cross my mind at all! Perhaps... Or as the others said, this might just be platonic for him, he just enjoys my company when I'm around but nothing more. Good work.......... On the protection....... Are you OK being friends or are you looking for a sexual relationship with him in addition to the married guy?
Wanderlust2018 Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 2 hours ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said: Being a high value man has nothing to do with a dating guru, it has to do with putting your time into your life instead of chasing women. Women who are afraid to chase are doomed to be with a lesser man. As an “alpha” in my 40’s with my $h!7 very well together, I’d have to agree with CAPSLOCK BANDIT on this. Some of us are fortunate to be in a position to be picky...ah, how the tables can turn for you ladies sometimes... Reality check... 1
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: Lesser men are afraid to chase, so they have to leave it to the women, that is the reality... For some, sure, but when you are seeing multiple people, as we all do in the dating game, you cannot just focus all your effort onto one individual, as it becomes overwhelming for them; there is an inherent weakness in being available, and too much chasing leads to that weakness being shown. A man that does not immediately make himself available is engaged in value building, where as men with no value have to work within a set time frame or risk having their abundance of availability exposed, which is why most men with a lower value attempt to go right to sex and why women with lower value do the exact same thing. The fact that he is not making himself available to OP until she initiates, speaks to the fact that this is a man with options and is exploring those options, as he should... This does not mean he is not interested, it means he has more options than OP does, which means he probably has more value than OP and might be a catch in OP's case, which would probably be good for OP? Maybe the guy is just a dweeb, but that raises the question, why is OP consistently returning to this man? OP has low self esteem, or does this guy have something on offer in demand? Posters that suggest this guy isnt interested, are you even currently dating right now? This is a unique time, unlike the past dating game that we used to know... The average man is aware he cannot make himself so available... He is aware that unclear feelings create attraction... It is a different time than even 2-3 years ago and it is changing even from what it is now, at an incredible pace. 1 1
Veronica73 Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 I am not dating now, but I have recently. And your experience is not mine at all. In fact, if that’s how all men were, I’d rather date a woman or be single. Sounds like it is all games and trading, instead of two people making a connection and treating each other with kindness and respect. If that is really how it is (which I frankly don’t believe it is if you aren’t doing online dating), I’d be happier not dating at all. And I’m sure that makes me “low value” or something in your mind. Whatever. I don’t look at people like that. It’s truly gross. 1
Veronica73 Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 (edited) And you know what else? I doubt “truly high value men” need to play these games. What you call “high value” men have ALWAYS been in demand. They have always been able to get what they want. Edited January 3, 2020 by Veronica73 1
Veronica73 Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 (edited) Also, if my brothers, who are around my age, read what you wrote, they would say “Hell No! Stay away from that d-bag.” I have no doubt in my mind. Ugh. Glad I have decent human beings in my life that don’t have gender role chips on their shoulders. Edited January 3, 2020 by Veronica73
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 b 3 hours ago, Veronica73 said: I am not dating now, but I have recently. And your experience is not mine at all. In fact, if that’s how all men were, I’d rather date a woman or be single. Sounds like it is all games and trading, instead of two people making a connection and treating each other with kindness and respect. If that is really how it is (which I frankly don’t believe it is if you aren’t doing online dating), I’d be happier not dating at all. And I’m sure that makes me “low value” or something in your mind. Whatever. I don’t look at people like that. It’s truly gross. 3 hours ago, Veronica73 said: Also, if my brothers, who are around my age, read what you wrote, they would say “Hell No! Stay away from that d-bag.” I have no doubt in my mind. Ugh. Glad I have decent human beings in my life that don’t have gender role chips on their shoulders. 3 hours ago, Veronica73 said: And you know what else? I doubt “truly high value men” need to play these games. What you call “high value” men have ALWAYS been in demand. They have always been able to get what they want. I am not posting in this thread to argue semantics or point of view, i am simply here to help OP potentially make a good choice. Im not emotionally invested in this conversation, if you are, that should not eclipse the topic at hand.. Time and place for that elsewhere, in another thread. 2
Author ElecLibre Posted January 3, 2020 Author Posted January 3, 2020 4 hours ago, Piddy said: Are you OK being friends or are you looking for a sexual relationship with him in addition to the married guy? Yes why not, he's an interesting person and we get along well, I wouldn't mind just maintaining a friendship if that's what he wants. He would just have to cut down the flirting when we do hang out otherwise that's just frustrating. 3 hours ago, Wanderlust2018 said: Some of us are fortunate to be in a position to be picky 3 hours ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said: this is a man with options and is exploring those options, Thanks for the input, this was also my gut feeling at first, but then all the "he's not into you" posts came flowing in. I'm ok with him having options, as long as he doesn't accept my date suggestions out of "pity" or because he doesn't know how to say no. At the end of the day we always have a great time (even without sex) and I never feel like it was wasted time. I'm not looking for the love of my life (if that happens, great but it's not my goal), I'm just looking to meet some people and share interesting experiences together. 4 hours ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said: it means he has more options than OP does, which means he probably has more value than OP So what happens when a high value man with options meets a high value woman with options? Do they end up in limbo because neither makes a move? it's definitely an interesting concept. 4 hours ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said: why is OP consistently returning to this man? He is ridiculously hot and intelligent, it's really hard to find this combo so not only is he great eye candy with a body to die for but we have really interesting conversations about philosophy, art and culture in general but without being pretentious. We are constantly laughing to a point that we cry or choke, it's all quite fun really! I don't mind chasing as long as I get a response in return. It's not like I'm out of options and putting all my eggs in this basket. This is just the most appealing basket at the moment (from the single ones, at least, since MM would clearly surpass this guy if he was an option). 1
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 2 hours ago, ElecLibre said: So what happens when a high value man with options meets a high value woman with options? Do they end up in limbo because neither makes a move? it's definitely an interesting concept. Dating somebody with a similar value to your own actually degrades the value that you have; there is an inherent structure of power within relationships, two people cannot just coexist without compromise or conflict, there are to many variables in life, at the end of the day, one of the two has to enable the other to eclipse them, its just often we dont want to do that because then the values drop so much that the one with higher value feels like they are settling. Traditionally, the woman is the one to submit and ultimately lose value, which is why most marriage legislation favors the woman... I guarantee you MM would be less appealing if he was more available, because his availability will come at a very high cost, where as the guy you threaded about, you can simply text and get availability from. 1
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