ElecLibre Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 I'm 29 and met a guy (44 - not sure that's relevant) through OLD, he was quite intense at first, really insisted he wanted to meet up, so we went to the movies then for a long walk where we spoke about our lives and got to know each other, then he dropped me home and kissed me on the cheek. He then texted that he would like to meet again, this time he invited me over for dinner at his place and we had a really nice evening, no sex or foreplay, just some cuddling, and I went home after. Since then we met up a few more times but always when I suggest it, he never texts first or asks if I'm free, but when I do message him he's enthusiastic. It's always been nice, we laugh a lot and have fun, but haven't moved onto anything sexual yet, although there has been discussion about fetishes and crazy past experiences etc.. I decided to see if he would take initiative, so I didn't message him for 4 weeks, and he never checked in. But when I did finally wish him happy new year he immediately answered and said he hopes we can meet up soon. We have now planned a date for Saturday but I'm really confused as to why he's not putting in more effort into this, and why he's so enthusiastic when I do reach out? At this stage I'm not too emotionally invested, just genuinely curious.
VIOLET EDEN Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 Just now, ElecLibre said: I'm 29 and met a guy (44 - not sure that's relevant) through OLD, he was quite intense at first, really insisted he wanted to meet up, so we went to the movies then for a long walk where we spoke about our lives and got to know each other, then he dropped me home and kissed me on the cheek. He then texted that he would like to meet again, this time he invited me over for dinner at his place and we had a really nice evening, no sex or foreplay, just some cuddling, and I went home after. Since then we met up a few more times but always when I suggest it, he never texts first or asks if I'm free, but when I do message him he's enthusiastic. It's always been nice, we laugh a lot and have fun, but haven't moved onto anything sexual yet, although there has been discussion about fetishes and crazy past experiences etc.. I decided to see if he would take initiative, so I didn't message him for 4 weeks, and he never checked in. But when I did finally wish him happy new year he immediately answered and said he hopes we can meet up soon. We have now planned a date for Saturday but I'm really confused as to why he's not putting in more effort into this, and why he's so enthusiastic when I do reach out? At this stage I'm not too emotionally invested, just genuinely curious. Wow this is so much like my relationship. Let me tell you one thing, once they get the girl, guys, im not saying everyone of them, but lots of them kinda slow down. They do not initiate. Doesn't mean he isnt interested, it could be he is busy, or he just wants you to initiate, so he isn't coming on too strong. I am not saying he isnt interested, but I suggest you talk to him about, chances are he doesnt even realize hes being distant and doesnt initiate. 1
Gaeta Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 He is NOT interested!! A man that's interested works real hard at getting and keeping your attention. You're just one of many fishes in the sea to him. You'll get in bed with him and you won't hear from him for another 4 weeks. You're worth more than that. He's already showing you how you'll be treated. 4
Author ElecLibre Posted January 2, 2020 Author Posted January 2, 2020 11 minutes ago, Gaeta said: He is NOT interested! You'll get in bed with him and you won't hear from him for another 4 weeks. This was what I initially thought aswell, but at the same time he really hasn't been pushing to sleep with me, if anything I'm the one who has been trying to get that to happen! Once he dropped me home and I asked if he wanted to come in but he refused saying he had to get up early the next day. He then texted me goodnight later that evening. So perhaps he just enjoys my company when he's got nothing else to do? But often he's quite available when I suggest meeting up, he doesn't postpone much. It's quite strange and I would like to speak to him about it but we're not at that point in tje relationship yet to "define" it. So I was wondering if anyone else here had similar experiences, it's definitely confusing!
elaine567 Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 Agree with Gaeta, he is not interested. Men who are really interested show you they are interested. You don't want to get involved with a guy who waits for you and makes you do all the work. He'll take you for granted and disappear on you when someone he IS interested in shows up 1
stillafool Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 28 minutes ago, ElecLibre said: I decided to see if he would take initiative, so I didn't message him for 4 weeks, and he never checked in. This shows he's not interested. If he can go 4 weeks without following up he just isn't. You texted him HNY he didn't text you first because you weren't on his mind. I don't know why you would bother reaching back out to a guy who hasn't contacted you in 4 weeks unless you are emotionally invested. 1
Kaarek Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 He wants to keep you hooked and it's working big time it seems. Men that have enough experience knows that women are attracted to mystery and he's probably not even busy but he doesn't want to show you that obviously, he just wants to keep you on the side. Best Regards 1
stillafool Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 8 minutes ago, Kaarek said: He wants to keep you hooked and it's working big time it seems. Men that have enough experience knows that women are attracted to mystery and he's probably not even busy but he doesn't want to show you that obviously, he just wants to keep you on the side. Some men may play that game if they are actually interested. A guy that is interested would not let 4 weeks go by without contact if he were trying to make an impression. He would know that any trail goes cold after 4 weeks. This guy has extremely low interest. 4
Kaarek Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 Yes and no @stillafool. Let's not forget the fact they didn't have anything intimate together going on besides cuddling therefore there could be a chance from him being "interested" but we're not here to speculate. He keeps her on the side for the attention, could be, there are many weirdos out there. 1
Gaeta Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 32 minutes ago, ElecLibre said: This was what I initially thought aswell, but at the same time he really hasn't been pushing to sleep with me, if anything I'm the one who has been trying to get that to happen! Once he dropped me home and I asked if he wanted to come in but he refused saying he had to get up early the next day. He then texted me goodnight later that evening. So perhaps he just enjoys my company when he's got nothing else to do? But often he's quite available when I suggest meeting up, he doesn't postpone much. It's quite strange and I would like to speak to him about it but we're not at that point in tje relationship yet to "define" it. So I was wondering if anyone else here had similar experiences, it's definitely confusing! There is nothing to speak about. You've met twice and he was not interested enough to get in touch with you. He was not even interested in getting sex out of it. I would never text a man that has shown no interest in 4 weeks. At that point of the relationship? There is no relationship. You met a man twice, that's not a relationship. Do you have a bit of experience with dating? If not stick around we'll teach you a thing or 2. The man is 44, he's not a boy, he doesn't need you to take his hand and teach him how the dating game goes. He's not interested, period. 5 2
Gaeta Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 5 minutes ago, Kaarek said: there could be a chance from him being "interested" Sorry for insisting He has 0 interest in OP Would 'you' let a woman you're interested in with no communication for 1 month? No you wouldn't. 2 1
stillafool Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 Yeah the fact that she invited him up to her apartment and he declined is further indication of his low interest. An interested man would jump at the chance for at least a real kiss. If he were a younger man I might agree that he is playing a game but at 44 it's doubtful. It is clear that she's interested. I don't think he's keeping her on the side; she's keeping herself there. 3
smackie9 Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 He answered enthusiastically because he thought : "Maybe I will get sex this time...." He was waiting for you to make a move so when he stopped contacting you he can tell himself that you just wanted to get laid and take no responsability. This guy is a waste of air.
Author ElecLibre Posted January 2, 2020 Author Posted January 2, 2020 13 minutes ago, Gaeta said: You've met twice and he was not interested enough to get in touch with you. Sorry I was unclear from my post we actually met about 6 or 7 times in October and November, and he would always text after about how he had a great time and how he loves hearing me laugh, etc.. Anyway clearly something is off, otherwise I wouldn't be posting on this forum, so thanks to everyone for the input. Don't worry, I'm not looking for anything serious, so I'll see how it goes on Saturday, and if nothing happens this time then I guess it's pretty clear that I can waste my time elsewhere Also, I do have some experience in dating, it's not new to me, usually it's quite clear when a guy is interested or not, and I've had experience with players too, but given the mixed signals here I'm a bit thrown off.
smackie9 Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 There are no such thing as "mixed" signals. If they are truly interested there is nothing to be mixed up...it will be clear as day. If it not, they are not really interested. 6
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 3 minutes ago, ElecLibre said: Also, I do have some experience in dating, it's not new to me, usually it's quite clear when a guy is interested or not, and I've had experience with players too, but given the mixed signals here I'm a bit thrown off. The dating game is different than it once was, especially online; point blank, a high value man does not need to chase after you for sex, we have things like Tinder to satisfy our sexual desires and there are women out there who will take the initiative and they'll do it the first time we meet up... Like, I LOVE when i meet up with a chick for the first time and i'm driving her home and she takes her seat belt off and just thrusts her head into my lap, like as a man, that feels fantastic when a woman does that. The game is different now, I mean if you are a regular dude, that is one thing, but if you are a high value man, you have lots of women after your attention... Like as a man, we SHOULD have women chasing after us, not us chasing after women... Chasing after women is a waste of time for men these days, women have options when it comes to online dating, so as men, our focus is on improving our social status so that we can have access to more and more women, over just chasing one woman incessantly. 1
Gaeta Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 23 minutes ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said: Like as a man, we SHOULD have women chasing after us, not us chasing after women... What book have you been reading? Be careful of those dating guru who are only interested in getting your money. 4
Gaeta Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 36 minutes ago, ElecLibre said: Sorry I was unclear from my post we actually met about 6 or 7 times in October and November, and he would always text after about how he had a great time and how he loves hearing me laugh, etc.. That's a different story indeed. I say if the man met you 7 times, no attempt of sex on his part even though you said you've tried to make it happen, and you were out of his mind for an entire month...no, he's definitely not interested in pursuing you. 2
chillii Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 (edited) Sounds like he's just not that into you tbh sorry, might be married to. l mean a month , Jezuz. My guess is if you didn't bother he'd just fade away. lf he was you'd be hearing from him a lot more than that , especially physically . lt's easy to turn it on in little spurts in convos and stuff in the moment but that doesn't necessarily mean it's genuine , lotta fake crap going on in the dating world by the sounds , especially with those that do a lot of it. Edited January 2, 2020 by chillii 2
chillii Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: What book have you been reading? Be careful of those dating guru who are only interested in getting your money. Yeah , you ain't kidding whata joke. 4
Piddy Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 (edited) ElecLibre, Wait, what happened to the married guy you were seeing? Is that over? And don't you dislike long term relationships? You're a 3 month girl max I thought. Seems like the new guy is right up your alley. Take it slow and don't get too attached. And when he does, time to move on. Did you take our advice and leave the married guy? If you did, good for you. Edited January 2, 2020 by Piddy 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 Do you both have on your dating profile that you're not looking for anything serious? Does married guy know you're sleeping with/planning to sleep with other people or does he think he's keeping his wife safe from STDs because he's the only one you're sleeping with? 1
Lotsgoingon Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 If he doesn't initiate, he's not interested. Yes, he might want sex ... but he doesn't have a deep interest in seriously dating you, and dating successfully requires a deep interest. Dilly-dallying doesn't work.
Author ElecLibre Posted January 2, 2020 Author Posted January 2, 2020 30 minutes ago, Piddy said: ElecLibre, Wait, what happened to the married guy you were seeing? Is that over? And don't you dislike long term relationships? You're a 3 month girl max I thought. Seems like the new guy is right up your alley. Take it slow and don't get too attached. And when he does, time to move on. Did you take our advice and leave the married guy? If you did, good for you. I started seeing this "new" guy before I slept with the married man, then there was an overlap for a while. I'm not really dating married man, there's nothing exclusive there, and he knows that I'm still in the dating game, he just asked me to practice safe sex and get tested regularly to avoid any STDs (which I do anyway). I also stepped back these past 2 weeks so he can commit his time to his family over the holidays. 21 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: Do you both have on your dating profile that you're not looking for anything serious? Nope, neither of us mentioned anything about that on our profiles but we did briefly speak about it on our first date and seemed aligned. I guess all this is speculation, I'm just going to ask him point blank if he's still interested in pursuing this or not on Saturday. I'll keep you all posted, I'm starting to see the appeal in sharing with strangers through a forum!
stillafool Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 I wouldn't reach out and ask him "are you still interested or not on Saturday"? No, let him reach out to you with a set time for a date and if he doesn't don't text him anymore. You've already done too much. 3
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