jake2495 Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 Been seeing this woman for the past 4 months. Things seemed to be going well. However she recently said she needs space as her head is all over the place. She said she really likes me a lot and that she’s not saying we’re over or she’s done with it but she needs to think. Have said I won’t speak to her for a bit to allow her the space she needs. Have I done the right thing and is there hope for us?
Legatus Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 Hope is wherever you want it to be. She asked for space and you gave it to her. If she really comes back - great, but don't expect it nor should you wait around for her.
JTSW Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 When a woman says she 'needs space' that's a gentle way of breaking up. It's never a good sign when a person says this. 3
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 Asking for space is another way of saying, "I want to break up but I'm unsure how hard it will be emotionally or if I can easily replace you, so let me put you on hold in case it's too hard and I need to come back." 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 18 minutes ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: Asking for space is another way of saying, "I want to break up but I'm unsure how hard it will be emotionally or if I can easily replace you, so let me put you on hold in case it's too hard and I need to come back." Disagree, respectfully. I think it's usually a cowardly way of breaking up.....hoping the other person realizes, during the break, they don't want to be in a relationship either.
smackie9 Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 (edited) You did the right thing. Begging or contacting her gives her all the power. No contact makes you look confident and sure of yourself. I can't say there's any hope, but if I were you I would give her a deadline, like you will give her a week, if she can't get her #$$% together by then, you will be moving on. She needs to know you will not be waiting for her forever. Edited January 2, 2020 by smackie9 3
schlumpy Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 Smackie is right. Giver her a deadline. Don't let her keep you in limbo. 1
PegNosePete Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 (edited) I would bet my bottom dollar that she's got back together with her ex, or someone else she is dating has asked for exclusivity. She wants to keep you in reserve in case things don't go as planned. Then she can come back to you and pick up where she left off. Never be anyone's plan B! I would simply tell her "OK" to the space request, but then assume it's over, see others, move on. If she comes back at some point then you can see what happens but I would have zero expectations of that actually happening. Edited January 2, 2020 by PegNosePete 3
lurker74 Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 3 hours ago, JTSW said: When a woman says she 'needs space' that's a gentle way of breaking up. It's never a good sign when a person says this. Men also do this. 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: You did the right thing. Begging or contacting her gives her all the power. No contact makes you look confident and sure of yourself. I can't say there's any hope, but if I were you I would give her a deadline, like you will give her a week, if she can't get her #$$% together by then, you will be moving on. She needs to know you will not be waiting for her forever. I agree with everything that Smackie said other than giving her a deadline. There's no need to let her know how much free time she gets. Take whatever time you need and then move on. Personally, I'd move on immediately but depending on your attachment, you might not be ready for the next woman.
kendahke Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 3 hours ago, jake2495 said: Been seeing this woman for the past 4 months. 4 months is when weak foundation relationships begin to fail. You're right at the point in new relationships where the "on their best behavior" representatives have been dismissed and the real you/real her comes to the fore. 3 hours ago, jake2495 said: she needs space as her head is all over the place. or maybe her ex experience a 'disturbance in the force' and has some back hard and strong and she doesn't know which of the two of you she should go with. I'd give her all the space from here to the Oort Cloud and start going out with other women. She can have space but that doesn't mean you have to put your life on hold waiting for her--that's time you'll never get back. 3
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 All of the above, I'm afraid... Do men say this?
Kaarek Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 (edited) Based on personal experience she's either breaking up with you for a personal reason or it's because she literally wants to keep you on the side (which many of my ex's tried to do with me) in case the "new" guy she's already dating won't turn out as she's expecting to. I'm sorry you have to go through this, some people are made that way.. they don't have the guts to tell you that it's over and they keep you in a constant loop of "I'm not sure what I want". Best Regards Edited January 2, 2020 by Kaarek
schlumpy Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 5 minutes ago, kendahke said: I'd give her all the space from here to the Oort Cloud and start going out with other women. I do like that you know what the Oort cloud is. 1
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 OP, I don't see any mention of being in a relationship with this person... You seem to be hesitant to call it that... I mean, I see a lot of women and for some woman I am seeing to say "I need space", well, that space is inherently built into our dynamics, since we are not in a relationship, so she really has no need to tell me she needs space, unless she feels the need to set a boundary because I am becoming too familiar with her or even invasive. Often, as men, we find ourselves in these spaces with women, where as a man, you are safe to assume you are in a relationship with some women, but with other women, that same assumption cannot be made... Women who want to keep you at a distance do not necessarily need what you are providing them or are getting it from somewhere else. So I guess what I am trying to say, is that if you are not in a relationship with this person, they should not have all of your attention... You should be attempting to see other women at all times unless you are in a committed relationship and even then, you always want to have options... In 2020, putting all of our eggs into a single basket, as men, is foolish... We need to be cultivating better options all the time and even if we do not act on them, the opportunity for us to do so, should still be there... As long as you do not act on opportunity, I feel like this is a safe place to be, even in a relationship.
kendahke Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 (edited) 6 hours ago, schlumpy said: I do like that you know what the Oort cloud is. I love my space porn!! I was going to say Kuiper belt, but felt more space was required, lol! Edited January 2, 2020 by kendahke 1
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