New Online Daters? Come.

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Welcome

For those of you not new to the Online Dating scene, you may have memories of what it once was, when you were using it. I share in your memory of what Online Dating was. I grew up with Online Dating. I was using Plenty Of Fish when the site was brand new, I imagine many of you were as well... Those days were much more simple, than they are today. In my transition to adulthood, I watched Online Dating become something else entirely... This transition began around the time the dating app 'Tinder' was introduced.

With Tinder, came the idea of the GPS-Based dating app... See, on Plenty Of Fish, you could have a kilometer filter, such as 25-50 KM, less than 15 KM, etc... But with Tinder, you could see people in your immediate area, right down to somebody being several meters away from you. For Example: In Alberta, we have something called the Calgary Stampede... it is basically an excuse for a bunch of people to get drunk and party, pretty much anything goes... Well in the past, you usually had to bring like a date or somebody to the Stampede, rarely would you just go alone, but with the introduction of Tinder, now you can go to this event AND chat with women who are there AND available... The convenience of this dating app was unprecedented at that time and this convenience is why basically every dating app out there has come to emulate Tinder's GPS-based nature... Like before this time, you wouldn't really think of banging a chick you just met 5 minutes ago, but when you meet up on Tinder in the same place, sometimes it just happens and y'all just go your separate ways after like nothing even happened.

Due to the nature of the level of convenience associated with these new dating apps, competition online, as a man, is higher than ever before. The reason I created this thread in the first place, is because I see so many people who do not understand the nature of what Online Dating is and believe it to be a waste of time... Online Dating, might be competitive today, it might be hard, but it is definitely not a waste of time... But there are some ground rules.

1. People who use Online Dating, use it, because they cannot or will not meet people in real life, for a multitude of reasons. Most of these reasons, boil down to the fact that the majority of people today, have social anxiety, due to the level of technology that we interface with on a daily basis... We habitually interface with this technology and become socially withdrawn... This problem is especially impacting for men, as women are often more naturally inclined to be social, than men. Many people, make the mistake of investing A LOT of time into an individual through chatting, before they ever meet up. This is a MISTAKE. Do not do this. Chat in person... Like, believe it or not, your phone is not a tool for you to have interpersonal relationships through... The idea of the phone, is to simply schedule and coordinate, that is all... When the phone becomes the vehicle to have a relationship through, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!!! IF YOU ARE USING YOUR PHONE AS A VEHICLE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP THROUGH, YOU DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP. .. You want a pen pal.

2. Even though we call this thing "Online Dating', the fact of the matter, is that ulterior motives exist. Some people want sex only, others only want a pen pal... Some want to have you click on a link, so they can install malicious things onto your phone and possibly even steal your identity (NEVER CLICK ON LINKS WHEN HAVING A DIALOGUE ONLINE), others want to send traffic to their social media... Like, Online Dating is defined by the people that inhabit that space, so to suggest that OLD is simply used to date, is just silly. Ultimately, what Online Dating has become, is simply a vehicle for the company that owns it to make money through, that is all... You actually successfully finding what you want, is secondary... No matter how many chemistry tests you take, no matter how many messages you send back and fourth to each other, at the end of the day, you are responsible to make what you want, the primary objective.

3. We all have an idea of the type of information that our Phone Number represents... But most people, especially us older folks who grew up in a time with land lines, we really are disconnected from how much information you are giving away, when you give somebody your Phone Number, in 2019... If your facebook is associated with your phone, anyone who has your number, will show up in your recommends and unless you change the setting, you will probably show up in theirs... With some apps, people can find your location, exactly, just by using your phone number. Hell, nevermind a phone number, even a PICTURE today, just a simple picture, if you use one off your social media, finding that social media page the picture belongs to, is incredibly easy and is usually just a google search away. With all this being said, you HAVE to have a strategy to stay safe online and follow it.. There are some nuisances to this, but the major one I'd like to put emphasis on, do not click any sort of links, for a multitude of reasons... Sometimes people can even take over your phone, just by you clicking on a link, that simple and that isn't even the worst thing that could happen, not even close, so do not click links.

 

With these 3 ground rules in mind, we can begin to ascertain what type of goal we have in mind when it comes to Online Dating and as you work towards that goal, you begin to understand some of the initial questions you should be asking and what resistance to those questions usually means. For Example: I have noticed, in my experiences online, that there are MANY women who have a child with a man, who they do not collect any sort of financial support from... Whether it be because they cannot because the man is on social assistance or because she cant afford the legal fees or whatever the case may be, for me, this is a red flag, because raising a child is expensive as hell.... Like if you believe raising a child by yourself is a good choice, I am definitely going to be suspect of the choices you are making, period.... I've saw too much to be swayed on this and sure, we all have our own feelings on this, but you, as an individual, feel a certain way and you should express the way you feel, openly. Maybe you risk being ignorant, but there is no confusion. So for me, when I encounter a woman in this situation, I am asking all sorts of invasive questions and I will not stop asking these questions until she stops me.... But if you answer all my questions, without any sort of boundary, I respect that and I trust that more, than a defensive response when I ask "Where's Dad at?"

Unfortunately, I cannot tell you what questions you should ask of the person you are meeting with, but maybe another poster does have some questions that you could ask and any of those suggestions are more than welcome below.

Questions are the most important part of Online Dating and Offline Dating... A great strategy, is to log every interaction with individuals that you have and create your own profile on them... Like get on that spy stuff, create an actual profile on this person... Afford yourself the opportunity to see the engagement you have with this individual as a whole... Might sound kinda creepy, but even using a recording app on your phone, to record the conversation you two have over coffee, a great tactic and a good point of reference for the future. Do not be afraid to build your own profile of an individual, but also do not allow this activity to become a time-sink... You should not be having a ton of interactions with somebody you have not met, so doing this should not become a gigantic chore and really, this step is for when your... Stomach feeling is issuing you caution, but you still feel attracted... You need more information at that point and gathering that information should be your primary focus, as opposed to "Uhhh, I don't know so lemme just go in head first!"

As for input from all of you, I would like to see this thread be a place where great questions are thought up. Ways to gather information that are not invasive, although sometimes being invasive is necessary, just do it smart and legally. I understand you have had bad experiences using Online Dating, I have as well, so has everyone else, so outside of cautionary tales, lets try to leave that dialogue at the door, as best as we can? Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for your input. Happy 2020!

[Noproblem]

So many valuable tips you shared here. Thank you!