Springsummer Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 So, this serious, decent, good looking person asked me where I lived after I agree to meet up for a coffee. I replied. no response 5 hours later at night I sent a good night pic and he sent a kiss good night gif(what? we had only talked about 1-2 weeks online, but anyhow it's just gif) one day later, he asked where I lived again. I said "what? I already told you" , "must be talking to too many women online'. he said only chatting with 3, no date planned. and he asked how many I am talking to.. I said only you. He sent heart struck gif. He asked to meet again for the original planned day which was next day day, which was Friday. I didn't response. In Friday the afternoon, he said so we are not meeting after all. I texted saying those ladies you talked to must be very attractive to you, maybe you should meet them instead. he said all because he has a bad memory and sent me a crying baby gif. I texted saying now you are making me feel like I am a cruel and unforgiving person. and suggested we could meet on Saturday evening, since I am going ski at day time and next day I am going to vacation in the south. He said he had plan on Sat. and we can try to meet after I come back. so, I said that I see he had plan with those ladies. He said"sigh..you are the one who cancelled me tonight', 'after chatting for 2 weeks'. I didn't response. Did my skiing and vacationing. Now that was 3 weeks ago How can a serious looking person a player at the same time? Is it normal to do what he did online? for me, I have very narrow taste in man. I have thousands likes but I rarely like someone. Personally, I haven't found anyone who is equally or more interesting than him. That's why I am asking for opinion here. I definitely don't want a man who has broad taste in woman though. Am I too judgmental and demanding or not? Of course there is a huge likelihood he might not even like me in person and vise visa. Looks like I have lots of competition too. um...
balletomane Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 (edited) I think your expectations aren't reasonable here. You hadn't even met this man and you'd only been chatting online for 1 to 2 weeks. At this stage, it is completely normal for people to be talking to multiple prospective dates. This really isn't the same as being a player. How is he supposed to decide that he wants to date you exclusively when you're still an unknown person on the Internet? You can't know for sure that you're drawn to someone until you meet in real life, and as he pointed out, you were the one who cancelled that meeting, not him. To be completely honest, your remarks about the other women he's been talking to come across as catty and jealous. Just because he's busy on Saturday and isn't going to change his plans to meet you doesn't mean he's seeing some other girl, and it's not your right to criticise even if he is. You're acting like a girlfriend who suspects her boyfriend of cheating...only he isn't your boyfriend. He's someone you don't even know properly yet. I can understand not wanting to date more than one person at a time (I would find that too confusing and stressful, so I've never done it) but it isn't fair to write someone off as a player just because they didn't end all their other online conversations the week after they started talking to you. Edited December 31, 2019 by balletomane 8 2
hercules22 Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 no you didnt do the right thing and life is all about taking risks otherwise how are you going to know if you would be good together? doesn't matter who they are talking to they are taking out there own time to make time for you and you blew him off. 2 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 Yes, you are too judgmental and demanding. You also come across as playing games, given that you didn’t respond to his request to meet on the Friday you’d initially planned on. Factor in your insecure and passive-aggressive comments about other women, and well, you shot yourself in the foot. You’re going to need to adjust your expectations and manage your reactions if you expect to get anywhere with online dating. 6 1
basil67 Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 He’s a serious looking man and you tease and tease and tease. What’s up with you? 2 1
Author Springsummer Posted December 31, 2019 Author Posted December 31, 2019 hey, guys, how would you like being asked twice where do you live? I said"those ladies must be very attractive to you, so much so you didn't even read my reply" (I missed the bold part in my original post)
introverted1 Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 I'm trying to reconcile the idea of a "serious" man with one who uses a crying baby gif to express himself. OP, people online will be talking to multiple people and they may forget or confuse details, as in the case of where you live. Either accept this as part of OLD or move on to the next guy. No need to draw it out and/or test him by repeatedly referring to other women he may be talking to. He owes you nothing at this point (nor you him) so just move on if it's not to your liking. 3
kendahke Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 10 hours ago, Springsummer said: "must be talking to too many women online'. I texted saying those ladies you talked to must be very attractive to you, maybe you should meet them instead. I said that I see he had plan with those ladies. Looks like I have lots of competition too. um... Wow! All that self-loathing over what you imagine a stranger you've never met in person and only talked to twice on the phone does. It's no wonder he went with "why bother?" Lower your expectations---expectations are future resentments under construction. Quote I texted saying now you are making me feel like I am a cruel and unforgiving person. the guilty always make the most noise... Stop trying to make strangers feel wrong for nothing.... 2
kendahke Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 57 minutes ago, Springsummer said: hey, guys, how would you like being asked twice where do you live? I said"those ladies must be very attractive to you, so much so you didn't even read my reply" (I missed the bold part in my original post) Your problem is that you expect devotion from someone you've never laid eyes on and that is wholly unrealistic in every realm of possibility. My nose wouldn't be out of joint over that. 2
smackie9 Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 A guy that can't remember what you told him, should have gotten him the delete button and nothing more. It's not the fact he's chatting with others, it's the fact he didn't really care about getting to know you and has no focus. I agree, what mature man sends a crying baby to express himself *roll eye*. That right there spells loser biscuit. This guy is not worth getting jolted about at all....not even posting a thread about it. 1 1
FMW Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 I agree that it would be a little annoying that he didn't remember you told him where you lived, but that comes from ego. Someone forgetting what you tell them doesn't mean anything in particular except that they aren't laser focused on you. Since you haven't actually met, I don't see that as a huge problem. Of course you are entitled to see that lapse as a strike against him, but repeatedly bringing up the idea of the other women demonstrated insecurity and a jealous nature on your part. If I was on the receiving end of that it would be a big red flag about what to expect if we did start seeing each other. It's unreasonable to expect someone you haven't actually met yet to only be talking to you. 1
Versacehottie Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 4 hours ago, Springsummer said: hey, guys, how would you like being asked twice where do you live? I said"those ladies must be very attractive to you, so much so you didn't even read my reply" (I missed the bold part in my original post) Ok, he might be a player but you are blowing it as well. It's super unattractive and unreasonable to act so bitter and burned. If you met through a dating app, guaranteed he is talking to other people--so should you be! To retort to any comment he makes something about other women has you coming off as extremely bitter and less valuable than you may be. Also that you are not in a good mindset to date. 3
stillafool Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 15 hours ago, Springsummer said: So, this serious, decent, good looking person asked me where I lived after I agree to meet up for a coffee. I replied. no response 5 hours later at night I sent a good night pic and he sent a kiss good night gif(what? we had only talked about 1-2 weeks online, but anyhow it's just gif) Why would you send this dude a pic after he didn't respond back to you after 5 hours? That should have told you he wasn't serious. Some men expect you to read between the lines so they don't have to hurt your feelings. 1
Author Springsummer Posted December 31, 2019 Author Posted December 31, 2019 1 hour ago, stillafool said: Why would you send this dude a pic after he didn't respond back to you after 5 hours? That should have told you he wasn't serious. Some men expect you to read between the lines so they don't have to hurt your feelings. I thought he was still in the process of thinking and planning and picking a spot close to where I live Yes, that's offending, isn't it. He still didn't register/bother to read my reply just above the good night pic....and yet he was so amorous that he sent a kiss good night pic and yet, I am the one being chastised by most people in this forum.
BaileyB Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 7 hours ago, Springsummer said: hey, guys, how would you like being asked twice where do you live? I said"those ladies must be very attractive to you, so much so you didn't even read my reply" (I missed the bold part in my original post) I would have dodged the question, given a very non-specific response. I would never have made a passive aggressive statement about his chatting with other women. That sounds insecure and yet it is really aggressive at the same time. That comment was uncalled for... If you don’t like that he’s chatting with other women, you shouldn’t be online dating in this day and age... 2
stillafool Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 (edited) 24 minutes ago, Springsummer said: I thought he was still in the process of thinking and planning and picking a spot close to where I live Yes, that's offending, isn't it. He still didn't register/bother to read my reply just above the good night pic....and yet he was so amorous that he sent a kiss good night pic and yet, I am the one being chastised by most people in this forum. How was your picture going to help him with that? You actually thought he was spending 5 hours thinking and planning where to take you? He probably thought you were looking for validation by sending the pic and that's why he threw you a kiss. Again, not to hurt your feelings. Amorous? I hope you weren't naked. Also people don't mean to chastise you but to help you see where you are making mistakes. Edited December 31, 2019 by stillafool misspelling 3
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 1, 2020 Posted January 1, 2020 Back when I did OLD, I didn't take anything anyone said before the meeting seriously. My investment was non-existent. The only thing I expected was for the guy to show up or cancel our meeting. After we met and there was chemistry, expectations can change quickly. 1
nospam99 Posted January 1, 2020 Posted January 1, 2020 OP, if I was the guy at the other end of this interaction, I'd feel insulted. So, no, you did not do the right thing. I suspect, with as much time has gone by, this guy has moved on. However, if you still have any interest in meeting him, it's on you to make contact. A sincere apology on your part may be appropriate. But hold that until and unless you and he 'reset', meet, AND seem to like each other. In any case, I hope you have had a 'lesson learned' about expectations and assumptions about a person you hadn't even met.
schlumpy Posted January 1, 2020 Posted January 1, 2020 21 hours ago, introverted1 said: I'm trying to reconcile the idea of a "serious" man with one who uses a crying baby gif to express himself. I am always surprised how intertwined these emojis are in the psyche of younger people. It's a hardwired connection. An artificial extension of facial expression. 1
Art_Critic Posted January 1, 2020 Posted January 1, 2020 He deleted the text conversation and you texted him again so he didn't see the last reply mentioning where you live.. He is most likely deleting the conversations so he can keep up with who he is interested in. time to move on.. This guy isn't wort your time
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 1, 2020 Posted January 1, 2020 Keeping track of who people are online after moving to texting on the phone is not rocket science. It is easy to remember who you are talking to by setting your app with their name and location, profession, other details. Most people don't bother. This guy is clearly talking to multiple women and the OP is not a top priority or, at least, not at the level of the others. The amount time between communication indicates this to me. OP, I feel that you are just leftovers for him now. Any communication back to him will probably result in feigned interest, but not much more. You may have lost an opportunity by not adhering to the Saturday meet. He probably does have other options, so moving on is going to be easy for him. Not sure how he is a player in this. He honestly told you he was communicating with others. This is typical in OLD. When I am communicating with one or 3, I schedule a meetup as soon as possible to eliminate those I feel less of a connection. Next time, once you have a day you both have agreed upon, I would stick to it and move on from there.
elaine567 Posted January 1, 2020 Posted January 1, 2020 The "other women" comments are things you may say to some guy you have decided to bin due to his interest in "other women", a metaphorical "knee in the groin" as you sweep out the door... Though usually better to just dismiss and say nothing as he was a stranger and it is not for you to judge his life: simply pass and move on. You can't tell people what to do, you either accept them for who they are, or you swerve to avoid. IF however you are actually interested in a man it is best not to rub him up the wrong way with digs and jibes. Few like that and telling him off when you haven't even met him yet, was never going to endear him to you.
Author Springsummer Posted January 3, 2020 Author Posted January 3, 2020 So after talking to this 'person' for 1.5 month, I will just go ahead and unmatch him... He texted me(in tinder) after 2-3 weeks that I didn't reply to his last msg, asking my trip. I replied a few msg with regard to my trip. 5 hours later still no response. I sent him a happy new year msg anyway, because it was new year eve. he sent me a happy new year and this: https://media0.giphy.com/media/2GnS81AihShS8/200.gif?cid=992ce714e2cef0599b2bf07eb1f7410d57dfe7d32178eb82&rid=200.gif&width=200&height=200 I sent him this next evening: https://media1.giphy.com/media/EvYHHSntaIl5m/200.gif?cid=992ce7146ba9d7cdfdd2a19733c5e5a48f2e39435ba8242a&rid=200.gif&width=223&height=200 and he sent me this:https://media1.giphy.com/media/Sr8tRKDNp1Kla/200.gif?cid=992ce71415fc3c951b4c0a2b07ec2852691b1b7185cc120f&rid=200.gif&width=250&height=200 so I guess, that's the end...
Author Springsummer Posted January 3, 2020 Author Posted January 3, 2020 (edited) sigh...unbelievale...in the profile, he was a serious, decent good looking lawyer. In the gif, he is a perv. anything real online ? at first I had no clue what the last pic means, so I copied the url and googled.. Can someone tell me there is probably I might misinterpret the last pic before I delete him Edited January 3, 2020 by Springsummer
kendahke Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 2 minutes ago, Springsummer said: anything real online ? not really unless you're into unicorns
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