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Why do I believe anything that a man makes to me when he's not interested? aka putting me down easy?

Metsgal

By Metsgal
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Metsgal Established Member

Metsgal

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I feel really stupid for believing all the excuses men have made to me. The most recent one was a guy that I met in the summer, which really pisses me off. His claims were:

"I can try, but I've been really busy lately."

"I prefer my time alone, I find it exhausting to go out and about."

"I've been working 12 hours, I don't have it in me to do anything else other than rest."

I believed these excuses only to find out later they were lies that men make. If he was really busy why would he make time for his friends and NOT me? What are the signs when a man isn't interested anymore? Just seems when a man rejects a woman its an ugly picture. Men make the first moves and they get used to getting rejected, no big deal, they move on, and they can move on, but being a woman and having a man say those excuses to me...isn't a good feeling at all.

Edited by Metsgal
basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Was he lying about working twelve hour shifts?   If not, it wasn't an excuse, it was a reason.   And the reason was that he prioritised work over you.   Listen to the reason and if it doesn't suit what you're looking for in a relationship, move on.

The rest of your post is just assumptions and gender warfare.  Rejection hurts both sexes.  Lies hurt both sexes.   Being a woman does not make your feelings more precious.  

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chillii Established Member

chillii

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Since when is it no big deal for a guy to get rejected by all the same stuff from women , but when it's you it isn't a good feeling ?

Anyway , for the future , l'd think any excuses and hold ups from men or women is usually a lack of interest thing in the first place. So maybe try going by that . If someones interested in you and they can't make some time they should sure wanna make it some other time , and as soon as possible if they're keen.

Edited by chillii
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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Anyone who keeps telling you they don't have time for you is not interested in you whether it's a friend or a romantic interest so you might as well walk away. 

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Metsgal Established Member

Metsgal

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Well, from now on, if a guy tells me he's too busy and doesn't reschedule on HIS end, then I'm gonna walk away. I'm usually the one who asks, when his availabity is when he's free, etc, etc. I don't want to do all the work by pushing a guy to make time for me looking desperate. 

Edited by Metsgal
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mark clemson Established Member

mark clemson

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There is another thread about exactly that in a different section. I'm not dating but it sounds like a good call if the person starts blowing you off to fully face it and start the moving on process so you don't waste too much time waiting for them. Keep the door open in case they come back as another poster said, but see the situation for what it probably is instead of hoping.

  • 5 weeks later...
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Metsgal Established Member

Metsgal

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Update: 

Well, I don't know, I guess I wanted to update everyone on this situation and a fine example when a guy is blowing you off, etc,etc, like this guy that I was talking about in this post. I was browsing facebook and decided to look at his page, to no surprise he made a public post that updated his relationship from single status-which was the same status from the summer that we met to now his "in a relationship" status  which was just posted last week. My theory was right and what others have said on here also...everything that he told me in the beginning and his behavior showed me that he wasn't interested and I kept falling for his excuses/lies. I remember he told me 'Oh, I just got out of a relationship and I want to see what's out there" Meaning, he didn't want me, yet he wanted some other girl and most likely didn't tell her that he wanted to see what's out there." Because if he did want me, he would have locked me down and not let me get away. I seriously want to punch him in face..People when someone tells their TOO BUSY  , those are LIES AND EXCUSES THEY DON'T WANT YOU. 

Edited by Metsgal
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LivingWaterPlease Established Member

LivingWaterPlease

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Metsgal, what would you rather a guy say to you who isn't interested?

Personally, I'd rather hear him say he's too busy rather than, "I don't find you attractive." And I'd rather tell a guy I'm too busy rather than, "Your breath stinks." Or, "I don't like guys with pug noses," or whatever reason.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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2 hours ago, Metsgal said:

Update: 

everything that he told me in the beginning and his behavior showed me that he wasn't interested ......Because if he did want me, he would have locked me down and not let me get away. 

I would suggest looking at a person's actions rather than their words.   

LivingWaterPlease Established Member

LivingWaterPlease

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Something else, if a guy's not interested in me that's all I need to know. I really don't care why he's not because what good would that do? I'm not going to change for a guy, this is who I'm meant to be!

Also, I think you mentioned that you don't like being rejected. Well, then don't put yourself in a position to be rejected. I would hate to be rejected, too, so I don't ask guys out or make moves on them. This is going to sound sexist and maybe it is, but as a woman, I like being pursued and have found that guys like to do the pursuing. Since I don't like doing the pursuing, and they do, it works out just fine. If a guy's not pursuing me, I know it's not meant to be. Easy peasy.

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thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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2 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

 I like being pursued and have found that guys like to do the pursuing. Since I don't like doing the pursuing, and they do, it works out just fine. If a guy's not pursuing me, I know it's not meant to be. Easy peasy.

Its fine to want a guy who moves mountains or jumps through hoops, but just bear in mind that not all guys are like this...Some are just not wired like that and its not necessarily a sign that there is no interest...

Same advice to the OP....

TFY

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LivingWaterPlease Established Member

LivingWaterPlease

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9 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Its fine to want a guy who moves mountains or jumps through hoops, but just bear in mind that not all guys are like this...Some are just not wired like that and its not necessarily a sign that there is no interest...

Same advice to the OP....

TFY

Hmmmm, now that's interesting advice! Thanks, TFY!

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Metsgal 

Read a pop psychology book called He's Just Not that Into You  by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo.  It will help you better recognize the excuses.  Do not watch the movie; it's not as instructive.   

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

Metsgal, what would you rather a guy say to you who isn't interested?

Personally, I'd rather hear him say he's too busy rather than, "I don't find you attractive." And I'd rather tell a guy I'm too busy rather than, "Your breath stinks." Or, "I don't like guys with pug noses," or whatever reason.

This is it right here.  This is why men ghost and don't follow up quickly with texting.  They are simply not interested but don't want to hurt a woman's feelings by flat out rejecting her verbally.  I think it hurts guys to do this so they try to throw hints hoping you'll get the message; but when you don't they end up having to reject verbally which causes women more pain.  I think in this new dating world women, like men, are going to get used to rejection.

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Metsgal Established Member

Metsgal

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Honestly, I would want a man to tell me, "I'm not interested anymore" rather than excuses, because excuses gives someone hope. Seriously, I had a glimmer of hope that he was going to contact me out of the blue even if I hadn't heard from him for 6 months. 

jspice Established Member

jspice

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Would you really be satisfied if a guy told you he just wasn’t interested in dating you? Somehow I really doubt you’d accept it. 

Mysterio Established Member

Mysterio

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If a man really likes you.  Everything is easy.

Edited by Mysterio
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LuckyM Established Member

LuckyM

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This busy excuse is on another thread now. 

Everybody uses the busy excuse because it is the only constant viable one.

The other 2 are: I didn't get the message (phone problem or no email) and being sick.

They are all versions of   "it's not you--it's me."  

Doubtful that he works 12 hours a day! Maybe on some days. Is he a nurse or medical?

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