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How do you cope with an ex's plea to meet one more time even without an agenda other than closure?

awkardmoment

By awkardmoment
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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awkardmoment New Member

awkardmoment

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My ex reached out to me today to tell me he only wants to meet to give me back some of my things (which I can't believe is anything more than 1 undergarment) and there is no hidden agenda.  In fact he says that he is now in another committed relationship and "very happy" and he assumes I know who it is just like he put together who I am probably now with - he says Facebook made it clear who we are each with now (but other than a new friend for each of us there are no pics, etc.).  I've guessed he hooked up with a woman we both knew for some time  which makes it kind of weird and he waited no time at all to be with her (he indicates that he ran into her at a friend's party a few days after we broke up).  

Here are some other facts(factors):  I broke up with him; we were together for about 7 years; I did start dating after our breakup and have found a new relationship but not sure where it will go yet; I've not communicated with my ex almost at all despite him sending me some texts and emails over the last few months including the one in which he said he was out with the same woman several times but he's not sure she is for him; he says in his text today that it is clear I want no communication with him at all, yet his text today is to meet me today or tomorrow to exchange items (but he never asks for his stuff some of which I still have).

I now blocked him from Facebook but do I meet him or just say drop off the things in my mailbox?  The latter seems somewhat harsh given he wasn't all bad (but he did mistreat me towards the end of the relationship) and I have (almost) no feelings for him.

 

 

 

Mr.Me Established Member

Mr.Me

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When I break it off, its clean and quick and I never look back. I don't feel you should either.

alterest Established Member

alterest

Posted
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24 minutes ago, awkardmoment said:

My ex reached out to me today to tell me he only wants to meet to give me back some of my things (which I can't believe is anything more than 1 undergarment) and there is no hidden agenda.  In fact he says that he is now in another committed relationship and "very happy" and he assumes I know who it is just like he put together who I am probably now with - he says Facebook made it clear who we are each with now (but other than a new friend for each of us there are no pics, etc.).  I've guessed he hooked up with a woman we both knew for some time  which makes it kind of weird and he waited no time at all to be with her (he indicates that he ran into her at a friend's party a few days after we broke up).  

Here are some other facts(factors):  I broke up with him; we were together for about 7 years; I did start dating after our breakup and have found a new relationship but not sure where it will go yet; I've not communicated with my ex almost at all despite him sending me some texts and emails over the last few months including the one in which he said he was out with the same woman several times but he's not sure she is for him; he says in his text today that it is clear I want no communication with him at all, yet his text today is to meet me today or tomorrow to exchange items (but he never asks for his stuff some of which I still have).

I now blocked him from Facebook but do I meet him or just say drop off the things in my mailbox?  The latter seems somewhat harsh given he wasn't all bad (but he did mistreat me towards the end of the relationship) and I have (almost) no feelings for him.

Why did he say those things to you? To make you jealous? To show how he is doing well? I don't get it.

Maybe as a dumpee, he is trying to show how well he is doing so you can see what you are losing by broke up with him.

Go there, make the exchange and block him everywhere. Cut every tie. You can ask him to drop in your mailbox, if he refuses, go to a public local and made the exchange there.

He will try to reach you out for a period, but don't bite. After exchange, if he found a way to talk to you, just ignore.

Rockdad Established Member

Rockdad

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If you want no communication with him then he can mail the items, drop them off at your door or hand them off to a mutual friend. Block him every way you are able to. Then you will not have to cope with anything concerning him.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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He’s clearly having difficulty letting go of you and the relationship.

I personally would not meet with him, simply because it will very likely give him false hope that the door is still open. He seems to be looking for any reason to keep in touch with you and this is a somewhat last-ditch attempt to see you. If you genuinely have no desire to reconcile, I would respectfully decline his invitation to meet and suggest he mail the item to you instead. 

  • Like 4
Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

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Posted
15 hours ago, awkardmoment said:

he only wants to meet to give me back some of my things

This is somewhat at odds with your thread title which suggests a broader agenda.  Makes me wonder if you're really over him  🤔 ???

Mr. Lucky

Ellener Established Member

Ellener

Posted
Posted

Seven years is a long time and couples get enmeshed, still know deep things about the ex, how they'll respond to life and feel etc. Social media seems to compound all this.

'I have (almost) no feelings for him.'

It's the almost which is making you second-guess the situation? 

 

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Seven years together and you have only one undergarment at his place? 

schlumpy Established Member

schlumpy

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If you don't want to see him - don't. It should be that easy since you have no feelings for him.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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If you have been no contact all this time, don't break no contact, but do block him off your social media and everywhere he can contact you.  He is doing this for some reason.  I'm sure at some point you've already let him know, by virtue of not asking for your things, that you don't care about getting them back.  If you are not in no contact, then just tell him to throw your things out.  

 

I think the most likely scenario is to see if you will have casual sex with him even though you're both seeing other people.  That seems to be the main reason men come around again after a breakup and it's very common.  That way, he could have two people to have sex with. 

Edited by preraph
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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To see him over one garment that you don't even remember?  Total waste of your time.  Tell him thank you but he can throw it away, burn it, donate to good will for all you care.  Block his  social media and continue dating the guy you have.  Your ex was just saying the "he's not sure about her" to be kind yet you know he is still banging her.  Just move on and side step the drama.

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awkardmoment New Member

awkardmoment

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So I replied that I was booked and couldn't meet. Then today he sent me a friend request via Facebook (since I unfriended him recently) and sent me a text saying, "Beautiful new pic and take care of yourself". I updated my profile pic last night.
Do you think I can put this behind me now?

alterest Established Member

alterest

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He is trying to keep in touch at any cost. And that compliment out of nowhere reinforces everything that was been said here. Every step that he took was to make you jealous, keep in touch, and trying to make you run back to him.

If you don't want to be with him anymore, so I do think you can put this behind you now.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Is there no way to block him period so you don't have to hear anything from him?

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awkardmoment New Member

awkardmoment

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yes, I'll try again. I'm thinking "Take care of yourself" is his "goodbye"...am I wrong?

schlumpy Established Member

schlumpy

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Yes. I think he is retiring from the field to lick his wounds.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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6 hours ago, awkardmoment said:

yes, I'll try again. I'm thinking "Take care of yourself" is his "goodbye"...am I wrong?

You’re wrong, yes. If he were really trying to say goodbye, he wouldn’t have sent you a FB request. 

  • Like 3
Ellener Established Member

Ellener

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Are these things just sentimental holidays feelings ( and alcohol maybe ) ?

And having been dumped. I interpret what he is doing as trying to redress the balance of that, 'take care of yourself'.

  • Like 1
Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

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14 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

If he were really trying to say goodbye, he wouldn’t have sent you a FB request. 

Exactly.  He's trying to keep you as an option, whether emotionally or sexually only time will would tell.  I'd bet on the latter...

Mr. Lucky

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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He's being a pest. Block him and get it over with before he screws up your new relationship.

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