Jessica9 Posted December 27, 2019 Posted December 27, 2019 I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year now and when we started dating I made it clear that I didn’t like the fact he spent nights at his baby mothers house. I really thought he understood how uncomfortable it made me feel, as she was not over him and blamed me for them not being together. Even though he said they was finished before we ever started. She doesn’t like the fact that we are in a relationship. However a year later it’s his son birthday, the first one we’ve had to deal with as a proper couple. I knew what I was getting myself into, well at least I thought I did. I know his son will always come first before any relationship and I know spending time with him is important as we live two hours away in another city. Even though I don’t like him going to her house, I know comprises have to be made. He goes there and spend days with him and then comes home at night. We live with my mum so he doesn’t feel comfortable bringing him to our house, I’m not sure if it’s he thinks my family wouldn’t approve or just because he knows she wouldn’t. Either way I’ve accepted the fact he spend his time with his son at her house. But I think spending the night there is a step too far I’m not sure if I can ever be comfortable with that. For his sons birthday he wants to spend two nights at his baby mothers house, he says it’s because he wants to bring in his sons birthday/ be there for the morning to do breakfast and present. And he doesn’t want to leave the night of his sons birthday. I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable for being upset. He’s son is turning two so will be sleeping at midnight into his birthday, so I don’t understand why he couldn’t go to her house early in the morning for presents and breakfast. I would think she should want to wait for him to open presents if he gets there early. And again staying there for his birthday after he’s gone to sleep makes no sense to me. Am I looking to much into the logistic of why he wants to stay there, am I being selfish as its his sons birthday ?
Lotsgoingon Posted December 27, 2019 Posted December 27, 2019 You are not over-reacting. He's spending days at his ex's house just to be with son. Nobody does that. Nobody. He's supposed to go pick son up and take him out. A guy I know was thousands of miles from his son ... he would go once a month to the son's city, rent a hotel room and have son sleep over. They'd go out to games, play video games, eat and so on. Get out! This guy doesn't understand boundaries. Yes, he's probably having sex with the mom. Why else would she allow him to sleep over? Don't accept his denials.
kendahke Posted December 27, 2019 Posted December 27, 2019 36 minutes ago, Jessica9 said: Am I looking to much into the logistic of why he wants to stay there, am I being selfish as its his sons birthday ? No, but you're being unrealistic considering what he's been telling you for the past year and hasn't moved off of it: you are not going to dictate when and where he will see his son. That's clear to me from how you've worded this post. So, you're going to have to figure out a way to be good with him going to his babymama's house to see his son... ...or you can bounce and find a guy who has firm boundaries and/or no children. 1
BaileyB Posted December 27, 2019 Posted December 27, 2019 (edited) Or, you can find your own place where he can have his son come to stay assuming that they share custody. Personally, I would bounce and build a relationship with a man who can support himself and doesn’t have this kind of baggage. Edited December 27, 2019 by BaileyB 3
smackie9 Posted December 28, 2019 Posted December 28, 2019 Baby momma is too much drama. Their arrangement is confusing the kid and is not a mature way to handle custody. The relationship is over so there shouldn't be any "sleeping" over. TBH I know a lot of divorced couples with kids, and not one would ever entertain the thought of staying over at their ex's. You can't say anything to him, this is how they agree to handle things between them. She's still mackin on him, and there isn't healthy boundaries with these two....get out now, and leave them at it.
lana-banana Posted December 28, 2019 Posted December 28, 2019 I agree with the other posters; you have every right to be upset. The only circumstance in which this could be understandable---and to be clear, I don't mean that it's appropriate, only that it could be understandable---is if money is so tight that he can't afford to stay in a hotel. Is money an issue? I can't think of any other situation in which this would be justified. If he can afford to stay by himself there are no excuses. He should be putting you before his son's mother.
elaine567 Posted December 28, 2019 Posted December 28, 2019 What were you thinking getting involved with a man whose kid was only a year old??? You stepped straight into the middle of a relationship that had no real time to be completely over, so now baby mamma will be doing her best to get him back and he will no doubt be "confused"... They will slip back into old habits oh so easily and you like a fool will be stuck at home waiting for him... It is the perfect cheating situation. She, still besotted wants him back and will do anything to keep him, and you are tucked away safe at home... He will not want to pass that opportunity over... 2
kendahke Posted December 28, 2019 Posted December 28, 2019 (edited) 7 hours ago, Jessica9 said: I really thought he understood how uncomfortable it made me feel, as she was not over him and blamed me for them not being together. Even though he said they was finished before we ever started. He said---doesn't mean he was telling the truth. It sounds to me like he told you any old thing to get you in the bed when they really weren't emotionally done with one another. He just dumped her and jumped into you with no time spent on his own processing that relationship out of his system---you're his distraction, not his future. Their relationship is not over, bump what he's been telling you. His behavior is screaming at you that they are not done and that you don't dictate anything to him about how he conducts himself. If you intend upon staying with him, get with that with a quickness. He's not changing his tune. 7 hours ago, Jessica9 said: She doesn’t like the fact that we are in a relationship. No, I guess she wouldn't. I don't know of any mom of a little baby who would be cool with the baby's father abandoning her to go run off with someone else. Would you be cool with this kind of treatment? Put yourself in her shoes for once. Edited December 28, 2019 by kendahke 1
misspalmy Posted December 28, 2019 Posted December 28, 2019 hes pro still sleeping with her, its a red flag,
Redhead14 Posted December 28, 2019 Posted December 28, 2019 (edited) This is the problem with children having children and having relationships. This guy doesn't have his own place? How old are you two? No matter how old you are, you don't need to be burdened with this. Find yourself a guy who doesn't have children with someone else and is more established. Be more focused on your own life and building a stable future for yourself. This guy is a parasite -- living with a girl and her mother, geez. I think we can see why he's not with the mother of his baby anymore . . . Out of curiousity, does she have her own place? Does she live with her parents? Be very careful here. You don't want to be wearing "baby mama" shoes too. Edited December 28, 2019 by Redhead14 3
schlumpy Posted December 30, 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 His disregard for your distress over the situation should tell you all you need to know. Send him on his way so he can move closer to his child and if you still have an interest in him let him know to look you up when he gets his life in better order. You are going to regret this "relationship" sometime in the future.
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