Jealous Of My Lover's Wife

[Shauna26]

I am so jealous of my lover's wife he talk to her more then me when we first started talking he would text me and talk to me in person now he don't no more for Christmas he brought her a bracelet i was so jealous i didn't get nothing i been crying cause i feel like he don't want nothing to do with me no more i feel used and i feel like i got played he got what he want now he don't care about me he told me that she was leaving him cause she don't love him no more are don't want to be with him no more and he told me of she move out i can move with him but look how he treating me now i hate him i gave him my all and dis how he do me i feel so stupid like i am really hurt i wish dis never happen i been crying none stop i am tried of only me texting he never text me but he can text me to have sex i really do hate him to my gut i am in tears writing dis please tell me what to do should i end it i don't want to but i feel like i should i am so sick of dis i told him he said he sorry i feel that way if you sorry i feel that way start doing right by me 

Edited December 27, 2019 by Shauna26

[mark clemson]

27 minutes ago, Shauna26 said:

 i hate him i gave him my all and dis how he do me i feel so stupid like i am really hurt i wish dis never happen i been crying none stop i am tried of only me texting he never text me but he can text me to have sex i really do hate him to my gut i am in tears writing dis please tell me what to do should i end it i don't want to but i feel like i should

 

You wrote this and, in your other thread the quote below. As you say, he only texts you when he wants "something". It seems like the writing is on the wall here. You want something emotionally real with this guy but he really just wants something physical. I don't blame you for feeling bad. You ask what to do and I think the sensible/logical thing to do is to end it. He will probably keep texting you when he finds time and wants to hook up, so if that's not ok with you you will need to be strong and tell him you're no longer interested and then ignore him when he texts.

 

Unfortunately he is family by marriage, so you may have to deal with seeing him occasionally. You will need to be prepared for that. Suggest you try to avoid him as much as possible and also stay strong.

 

On 12/23/2019 at 11:37 AM, Shauna26 said:

 now i am starting to rethink things like for really i am starting to get jealous because he don't show me no attention only when he want something please tell me what to do my anexity and depression and emotions getting involve please tell me what to do i am so confused at dis point 

[Shauna26]

Thank you how can i end it with out being so emotional are heart broken 

[mark clemson]

Ha - if I had the answer to that, I'd be super-rich let me tell you. No easy way that I'm aware of.

 

Make a firm decision, stick to NC. Don't let him in/try to be friends, etc. distract yourself. Get out in nature, socialize with friends, exercise/work out within your capabilities.  There is a thing called the 180 method; it's more commonly used with divorces, but it might help you as well. You can research it online and see if it helps.

Edited December 27, 2019 by mark clemson
punctuation

[Shauna26]

if i Ignore him what's  going to happen 

Edited December 27, 2019 by Shauna26

[Aladka]

It’s hard not to get jealous of the wife - after all he’s with her for longer time and she will be the priority.

 

But if you are being treated that way, ignoring you then calling you when he wants to have sex then just break up with him. You are being used and you get nothing from it; He is not even making an effort!! You are just wasting your time and chances of finding someone better.

 

It will hurt and you will miss him but just think of how he is using you. Do you want to kept being used like that?

[Shauna26]

Thanks calling it off tomorrow i am so sick of being used its hard to be around him that's why i go next door to the apartment i rent from them i am so done and its no going back f*** him 

Edited December 28, 2019 by Shauna26

[mark clemson]

6 hours ago, Shauna26 said:

if i Ignore him what's  going to happen 

 

Hard to know for sure, but my guess - first he will try to win you back, then if you don't he'll eventually cut contact. If/when he sees you e.g. at family gatherings he'll either be trying to reel you back in OR he'll just be sort of smug and give you "knowing" looks but without actually connecting or saying anything. Eventually he'll just ignore you completely or attempt to be normal around you.

 

That'd be my guess. I've never been in the situation, so of course hard to know.

[Hip Pocket]

8 hours ago, Shauna26 said:

Thank you how can i end it with out being so emotional are heart broken 

It sounds like you already are emotional and heartbroken. I’m sorry you’re hurting, maybe stepping back will help you distance yourself from the pain and once you’ve done that you can make better decisions about this relationship going forward.

[misspalmy]

just tell her hes cheating on her and end it. i told his wife 2 times. shes still with him. it wont happen again i hate him. i have 2 kids to him

[Shauna26]

I told my boyfriend i cheat on him with him he said tomorrow to text him and tell him he know about us and what we did and he not mad at him cause he should've spend more time with me then watching porn all the time and he said to tell him its over with 

Edited December 28, 2019 by Shauna26

[Shauna26]

4 hours ago, misspalmy said:

just tell her hes cheating on her and end it. i told his wife 2 times. shes still with him. it wont happen again i hate him. i have 2 kids to him

I am scared to tell her she going to ask how i know that and i am have to say its me 

[Shauna26]

I text him can we need talk no text back

Edited December 28, 2019 by Shauna26

[Redhead14]

You do need to end it.  However, you should lose the attitude that he is completely the blame and was using you.  No one can use you unless you allow it.  You are complicit in your own misery.  It would serve you well to accept your role in the situation so that you can move forward and learn from this experience and not carry around bitterness and anger.  Close this chapter of your life and treat YOURSELF better in the future.  Don't accept these kinds of situations anymore. 

[pepperbird]

I wouldn't be jealous of her. After all, at the end of the day, you can walk away a little bit bruised but in one piece. If she tries to walk  away, she'll have to walk through fire to do it, and if they have kids, it's going to be even harder for her.

You care about him, but I don;t get the sense he feels the same about you. he gives you just enough to stay hooked, and if you try and walk away or he senses he's losing control over you, the love bombing will start.  He needs to keep you compliant, quiet and willing to put up with his crap.

It's not really about you, his wife or anything other than him. He'll go on hurting you because he feels entitled to do it. In his mind, the fact that you keep coming back tells him you are willing to put up with his emotional manipulation. It may be hard, but you really need to stand up for yourself.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Shauna26 said:

I am scared to tell her she going to ask how i know that and i am have to say its me 

It's best to be honest with her then you can really get over him because she will handle it from there.  I agree he isn't using you you are offering yourself to him.

[Shauna26]

So i am the blame for dis see that was wrong with woman now they always take the man side and not the woman he came at me first of all and i ended with him and second of all i am not throwing my self at him he throwing his self at me every time i come around he is looking at me and try to get my attention and she messing around on him to he said he wake up at 3 in the morning she on her phone texting they don't even sleep next to each other the daughter sleep in the middle of them they have not had sex in months she tells me everything she also said she don't want him no more that she moving out the house but like i said he came at me first and if he was so worried about his daughter he would never cheat with me i can care last about him yea i know he using me i am not  going back to him like why would i 0ut my self throw that again i didn't realize he was using me tell he only would text me for sex i am done with all dis and i am not mad at her did i say that no 

[Amethyst68]

Well you're not blameless, an affair takes 2 people. Not to mention you're betraying your BF.

BTW be prepared for your BF to change his mind and get angry with you. You need to realise nothing he did  caused you to cheat, you had options, legitimate methods of dealing with your relationship problems. You chose to lie and betray so you need to dig deep to figure out why you thought this behaviour was ok.

[Noproblem]

Block him from your phone and from your life, you will cry for a month or so, and then you will move on.

You deserve better