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Bf isn’t responding to my texts and I’m panicking!

Traveller19

By Traveller19
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Traveller19 Member

Traveller19

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I am having extreme anxiety right now..we had an amazing Xmas and Xmas eve With him..then day after Christmas he starts acting really weird and distant. Said we’re fine he just needs rest...I tried calling him today from two different phones, and it literally rang once and went to voicemail..so I don’t know if he is rejecting my calls or shut his phone off..I have a hard time believing he shut his phone off unless he called out for work..I have tried texting him and he is just plain ignoring me. I am on the verge of a panic attack..I am not going to be his yo-yo where he feels he can contact me when it’s convenient..he even mentioned the other night ok after this holiday I’m taking a break from everyone..I thought he was kidding because he was highly intoxicated. This Is just cruel and mean to just say nothing. I don’t want to look needy and crazy but I really can’t handle this..

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

You don't want to look needy but you are needy, extremely needy and emotionally dependent. If you don't slow down on the neediness you will kill this relationship fast. So what you didn't get to speak to him 24h after Xmas? Explain to me what is the big emergency? The sky will fall? the earth will open? Your boyfriend is ONE aspect of your life, not ALL your life. I am sure you have friends and family to keep you busy while he's taking a break. 

 

I have an idea why your boyfriend is not replying. He knows if he replies it's gonna get into a needy arguments with no end, right? Leave him alone. 

 

I am seeing my boyfriend tonight for a family dinner, I have not seen him in 7 days. It's no big deal! I know the holidays are hard on him and he prefers being alone at his place. I kept busy with cooking, shopping, xmas decorating, going to a gazillion holiday dinners, etc. Our relationship is not in jeopardy because he needs some time alone. I trust him, I know he loves me he expresses his love toward me in other ways than texting me. 

 

How long you've been dating?

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Traveller19 Member

Traveller19

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6 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You don't want to look needy but you are needy, extremely needy and emotionally dependent. If you don't slow down on the neediness you will kill this relationship fast. So what you didn't get to speak to him 24h after Xmas? Explain to me what is the big emergency? The sky will fall? the earth will open? Your boyfriend is ONE aspect of your life, not ALL your life. I am sure you have friends and family to keep you busy while he's taking a break. 

 

I have an idea why your boyfriend is not replying. He knows if he replies it's gonna get into a needy arguments with no end, right? Leave him alone. 

 

I am seeing my boyfriend tonight for a family dinner, I have not seen him in 7 days. It's no big deal! I know the holidays are hard on him and he prefers being alone at his place. I kept busy with cooking, shopping, xmas decorating, going to a gazillion holiday dinners, etc. Our relationship is not in jeopardy because he needs some time alone. I trust him, I know he loves me he expresses his love toward me in other ways than texting me. 

 

How long you've been dating?

No fight..you didn’t see him for 7 days but I bet you have text and talked right? He hasn’t replied to a text since yesterday morning. He knows how this makes me feel...takes two seconds to send a text..I simply said good morning and he ignored my text and is obviously blocking my call...I get he wants space but it’s selfish to just block someone  like they don’t matter..sorry I just don’t think it’s right..I am not a yo yo he can play with when he gets lonely 

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted (edited)

We don't text or call each day, no. I called him yesterday at dinner and he didn't pick up. He called me back this morning. I did not go in a panic mode because he didn't pick up, and I didn't start accusing him of ignoring my calls. Why are you so quick to accuse your boyfriend of the worse? Seems to me you have a lot of resentment toward your boyfriend that has nothing to do with him  not replying to a text. I would never accuse my boyfriend of using me as a yo-yo just because he's not picking up one of my calls. What's the real problem here?

Edited by Gaeta
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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted (edited)

How long have you two been in a relationship?  Is this the same guy in your other post:

Quote

BUT we are not in a relationship.

 

Edited by kendahke
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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Posted (edited)
43 minutes ago, Traveller19 said:

I don’t want to look needy and crazy but I really can’t handle this..

And yet . . .

 

Get busy with your life.  Your world doesn't end when you two aren't together or texting or talking, does it?  You two are not married, so don't expect him to behave like he is.  He is your boyfriend, someone who still has a life that is independent of you and rightly so.  You spent a couple of really nice days together and now he wants some quiet/alone time.  Everyone needs that once in a while.  For now, that's what you should assume.  Not some other grand scheme or imagined sleight.  Go out with your friends.  Do something nice for yourself.  But stop dwelling on what he is or isn't doing.  Sometimes my SO doesn't answer a call or text from me right away.  I don't flip out.  I wait it out.  He always gets back to me and then tells me what he's been doing or working on or whatever.  Most of the time he's been out in his yard working, mowing, trimming bushes, etc.  He doesn't even bring the phone outside with him unless there's a specific reason.  He never brings his phone into a store usually either.  He almost always calls me each evening and if he doesn't I don't worry about it.  He's 66.  He's probably asleep in his favorite chair :)  We've been together for over 5 years.  It's all good.  Neither one of us is glued to our phones either.  This guy told you straight up he wanted some quiet time to himself and knowing that, you've decided to impose on it.  Unless you have some earth shattering news, you should respect his wishes.  Has this guy given you reason to distrust him prior to this? How long have you been dating?

Edited by Redhead14
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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

Last Sunday you posted a story about this man not being your boyfriend, using the best of you but not wanting a commitment, about making you jealous, going out with friends, you wanting to have a hold on your feelings etc. So, what happened since Sunday? Is he a boyfriend or not? Why would you want for boyfriend a man that is afraid of commitment and enjoys making you jealous? 

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
43 minutes ago, Traveller19 said:

..he even mentioned the other night ok after this holiday I’m taking a break from everyone...


^^^ big clue.
 

We date to find the people we gel with, so we can have a happy and stressfree life..
If you do not want a partner/bf/husband who suddenly needs "space" or goes MIA, then this guy is not the one for you. 
Plenty guys will not do this to you, so do not feel you have to accept it. 

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

He's not your BF, he's your cuddle buddy. On your last thread on Saturday you said you are not in a relationship and that you briefly dated but that failed because you are insecure, jealous. He can't even go out with a friend without you going batty. He's not responding because he doesn't want to. He wants to be left alone. So stop freaking out. There is more to life than obsessing over a boy.

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Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

Posted
Posted
53 minutes ago, Traveller19 said:

I tried calling him today from two different phones...

Stage 4 clinger... 

 

Give the guy 24 hours to respond to a voicemail.  At that point, leave one more voicemail message, if he doesn't return that call/message in 24 hours, he is done with you.

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Traveller19 Member

Traveller19

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7 minutes ago, elaine567 said:


^^^ big clue.
 

We date to find the people we gel with, so we can have a happy and stressfree life..
If you do not want a partner/bf/husband who suddenly needs "space" or goes MIA, then this guy is not the one for you. 
Plenty guys will not do this to you, so do not feel you have to accept it. 

I am not..I understand once in a while people need space but this little stunt is uncalled for and I’m not just going to forgive and forget. 

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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Posted
2 minutes ago, Traveller19 said:

I am not..I understand once in a while people need space but this little stunt is uncalled for and I’m not just going to forgive and forget. 

 

But he's not your boyfriend, so proceed with caution--he may end up handing you back your behind for trying to check him when he's not your man.

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Traveller19 Member

Traveller19

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5 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

He's not your BF, he's your cuddle buddy. On your last thread on Saturday you said you are not in a relationship and that you briefly dated but that failed because you are insecure, jealous. He can't even go out with a friend without you going batty. He's not responding because he doesn't want to. He wants to be left alone. So stop freaking out. There is more to life than obsessing over a boy.

That’s not why it failed. He can go out if he wants to, hid etiquette in a relationship isn’t good..his friends were always priority 

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 minute ago, Traveller19 said:

That’s not why it failed. He can go out if he wants to, hid etiquette in a relationship isn’t good..his friends were always priority 

That should have been blaring in your ears... he's not checking for you as a girlfriend... he's not here for the octopus treatment.

Edited by kendahke
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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted (edited)
3 minutes ago, Traveller19 said:

That’s not why it failed. He can go out if he wants to, hid etiquette in a relationship isn’t good..his friends were always priority 

That was your perspective. He didn't want a real relationship, so yes that would make you less of a priority. But that doesn't matter now....he doesn't have to answer you, and nor should you even be bothered...move on and stop playing around with the idea there will be another chance.

Edited by smackie9
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schlumpy Established Member

schlumpy

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Posted

Try and tamp down your anxiety and let's look at options.

 

How well do you know his past? Is it possible that he had a sad event in his life or traumatic event that happened during the holidays that could be affecting him. It may be that he put on a good show for you but it drained him emotionally and now he has to recharge.

 

Put off all the negative scenarios that are flowing through your mind and wait until you get some facts. There will plenty of time to feel bad if the news isn't good.

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Traveller19 Member

Traveller19

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7 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

Try and tamp down your anxiety and let's look at options.

 

How well do you know his past? Is it possible that he had a sad event in his life or traumatic event that happened during the holidays that could be affecting him. It may be that he put on a good show for you but it drained him emotionally and now he has to recharge.

 

Put off all the negative scenarios that are flowing through your mind and wait until you get some facts. There will plenty of time to feel bad if the news isn't good.

Yes, he’s feeling down because of a work situation he isn’t happy about..he self medicates by drinking and smoking  and is laughing and having a good time..but inside he isn’t so happy .he has a wall up which he openly admitted to me..I guess I’m not used to him being this distant..yesterday too, but he said were ok..him shutting off his phone or blocking me could mean he’s depressed and in a funk.

Edited by Traveller19
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Traveller19 Member

Traveller19

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11 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

Try and tamp down your anxiety and let's look at options.

 

How well do you know his past? Is it possible that he had a sad event in his life or traumatic event that happened during the holidays that could be affecting him. It may be that he put on a good show for you but it drained him emotionally and now he has to recharge.

 

Put off all the negative scenarios that are flowing through your mind and wait until you get some facts. There will plenty of time to feel bad if the news isn't good.

He’s clearly in his man cave..I know how the rubber band effect works.

Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

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2 minutes ago, Traveller19 said:

...him shutting off his phone or blocking me could mean he’s depressed and in a funk.

Or it could mean he just needs a break from you and/or society in general.

 

After spending multiple days with my girlfriend, I need a break and some alone time.  I unplug my land-line phone and put my cell phone in a home-made faraday cage, so it can't receive a signal.  (The on/off button appears to be wearing out, so the faraday cage works to shut the phone up)

Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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20 minutes ago, Traveller19 said:

I am not..I understand once in a while people need space but this little stunt is uncalled for and I’m not just going to forgive and forget. 

So you say you don't want to be a yo yo, so then don't.  If this behavior of his bothers you, it's simple, break up with him or stop seeing him (since there are debates to as whether you are really bf/gf).  I get the strong feeling that you are the type to try to force things.  He warned you that he needs alone time and you call him from various phone numbers and text him??? It's needy and clingy, sorry.

 

If the "stunt" is uncalled for than give up on him.  I think deep down you know your own behavior is too much/needy/insecure.  That's why you are not just breaking up with him.  There is a part of you that knows you are unreasonable.  And he is acting like a jerk (ish) to escape you.  If you weren't too much and he wanted to communicate with you, he wouldn't need to shut his phone off from you.  The fact alone that you didn't take the first unanswered call as he will get back to you when he's done with his down time and in due time and called from other numbers and texted, shows that you are part, perhaps a big part of the problem. 

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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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Posted
46 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Stage 4 clinger... 

 

Give the guy 24 hours to respond to a voicemail.  At that point, leave one more voicemail message, if he doesn't return that call/message in 24 hours, he is done with you.


Rather, she should be done with him...

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Traveller19 Member

Traveller19

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16 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

So you say you don't want to be a yo yo, so then don't.  If this behavior of his bothers you, it's simple, break up with him or stop seeing him (since there are debates to as whether you are really bf/gf).  I get the strong feeling that you are the type to try to force things.  He warned you that he needs alone time and you call him from various phone numbers and text him??? It's needy and clingy, sorry.

 

If the "stunt" is uncalled for than give up on him.  I think deep down you know your own behavior is too much/needy/insecure.  That's why you are not just breaking up with him.  There is a part of you that knows you are unreasonable.  And he is acting like a jerk (ish) to escape you.  If you weren't too much and he wanted to communicate with you, he wouldn't need to shut his phone off from you.  The fact alone that you didn't take the first unanswered call as he will get back to you when he's done with his down time and in due time and called from other numbers and texted, shows that you are part, perhaps a big part of the problem. 

He did it suddenly..it’s not like we had a fight or I was overwhelming him..we were having a great time..I did however, sense he wanted to be alone..not like this is the first time he has done this..

Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

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Posted
2 minutes ago, Traveller19 said:

..I did however, sense he wanted to be alone..not like this is the first time he has done this..

So leave him alone and let him have his "down" or "me" time.

 

If you sensed he wanted some "alone" time, why did you call from two different phones?

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Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, BaileyB said:


Rather, she should be done with him...

But she doesn't want that, she wants to call/text him constantly.  Even to the point, that she would use an alternate phone to contact him.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted (edited)
31 minutes ago, Traveller19 said:

He’s clearly in his man cave..I know how the rubber band effect works.

So why do you bother him if you understand the man cave phenomena? Don't you know the worse thing to do while a man is recharging is to pester him? 

 

You cannot 'force' a man to want to be with you. More you call and pester him more you push him away. If you are the type of woman that needs a man 24/7 and cannot allow him to have some down time once in a while then he's not the man for you. 

Edited by Gaeta
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