ashley29 Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 my fiance and i have been together for a little over 2 years, and he was the first man i ever had sexual relations with. we were having some hard times a few months ago, and he did in fact sleep with two other women. because i love him i decided to stay with him and work through the problems. About 1 month ago he decided he no longer wanted to be with me, and while we were seperated i was desperate to feel wanted, so i slept with two other men. a week later he decided he made a mistake and wanted to be with me, and i had to tell him what i had done. he was devastated and now says he cannot be with me because he cannot trust me. I know what i did was wrong because i should never have slept with someone other than the man that i love, but i dont know how to convince him that i would never do anything like that.
Okeydokey Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 I'm sorry but your fiance is acting like a jerk. and a control freak. He slept around WHILE you were together and you did it when you were on a break. First of all he is holding you to a much higher standard than he is holding himself. Second, the dude should value the fact that you were HONEST about telling him about it. Would he rather have not known about it. I think the problem might be that this guy feels like he gets to call all of the shots. If I were you (if you guys are still in contact) next time he gets in touch explain how stupid he is being.
Author ashley29 Posted October 3, 2005 Author Posted October 3, 2005 the reason he is having such a difficult time with this is because he is 29 and has been with many girl in the past. im 21 and he is the first person i was ever with sexually. now he feel like hes no longer the special person. the only one who knows me like that. and i can understand that point of view i just dont know how to go about getting him to understand that if we were together i dont ever want to be like that with anyone else and that i do believe that to be a huge mistake because im not the kind of girl who sleeps around with someone she doesnt know,after all i remained a virgin for 19 years which is something big these days.
seachange Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Sorry, but I also think this is backwards. He cheated while you were actually together. You, on the other hand, never cheated. He's the one who's untrustworthy. And you know what? I think he probably knows that, and is deflecting his guilt onto you. The business about thinking he's no longer special is manipulative, because you don't get to protest about not being that special person to him, do you? Not even when you were actually together! I agree that it's very controlling, not to mention totally unfair.
Dinnj1 Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 too easy... back off him... YOU did NOTHING wrong. He didn't want to be with you so you slept around. No big deal. HIS FAULT! And he knows it... so he's doing what he knows best... blaming YOU for your actions... totally forgetting HE put you in that position in the first place. Advice: Leave him alone... in other words... Don't call him or make the initial contact. If he wants to be with you, then he'll call or stop by or make some kinda contact... Probably back it up with "You! You! You" but will still make the contact. You have to be firm.... that HE wanted the space.... He chose to cheat in the past. He doesn't nor ever did feel 'special'... but instead felt like 'the man' for being your first. And you took 'the man' right outta him... I say... good for you. The ball is in your court and you don't even know it.
Okeydokey Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Too bad that you are so much younger than him too. Not that that should really make a difference, but I feel like he is probably also exploiting that to his advantage. My ex - ex bf was similar. 3 yrs. He bought me a ring too. Controlling. Slept around. A couple of years older. More relationship experience. I got to the point where I couldn't stand him b/c he was so controlling. Tell your dude that he is sabotaging a relationship with a great girl for no good reason at all. There may be better looking women out there or sexier women. But there is no one else out there like you. Tell him that you treat him well not because you are a doormat but because you believe that is how people should be treated and that is how you want to be treated. He should grow up and realize that he is still special, he is still the first, he is still the only person you have agreed to marry. And he is obsessing over something trivial that he brought about. It makes me so mad.
Qwerty1000 Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 He cheated on you. He''s not worth your time and energy. Instead you need to focus on yourself. It sounds like you have self-esteem issue.
Zaira Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 Sounds like a selfish ass to me. If he did love you he wouldn't have slept with anyone when you were together, problems or not. You were apart when you were with the other guys so it's got nothing to do with him. I give you credit for being honest with him. I think you should move on and find someone that shows you respect.
hypegirl Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 You are really young still - this guy CHEATED on you ! Life will not end because you two didnt work out. Never stay with a cheater - he seems really immature and you will do better in another relationship. It will hurt for sometime but you will see that it gets better. Seriously dont waste another minute with this power playin fool.
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