Ridiculous

[sreed]

 Been reading the forms here for a bit . some good advice givin .just thought i'd share this with you .K so some background.moved 900 miles to be with this girl who i've been dating 4 yrs now .we live 10 minutes from each other .

 

 2 weeks ago on Monday i had to make an Emergency Room visit at 2 am [ they kept me till 7 am ] .had some breathing issues found out i had Bronchitis and c.o.p..d. [ thanks to smoking ] so i call the girl at about 7:330 am Mon tell her i was in the E.R. we talked a bit about it ,told her when she's done with work [ 4 pm ] i could use some help here .I have a dog we call him our kid , he's had illnesses for a few months [ he's 14 ] has a form of k-9 dementia , cateracts,and a spine issue he was probably born with .was 2 weeks before x-mas she had things to do shopping ,baking,cleaning etc .said she'd be here [ my place ] when she could .Mon didn't happen but we talked Mon night .maybe she'll stop by Tuesday [ didn't happen ]

 

BUT she was at her friends house [ a married couple she considers family their close friends] she was their from around 5 pm until 11:30 pm . we talked after 11:30 pm .i'll see if i can stop by tomorrow [ Wendsday ] she said [ didn't happen ].Thursday at the friends again 5 pm until 1 am we talked after 1 am . said to her '' i can totally see how much you care [ give a f .]] she'll stop by Friday she said ,i said '' wont hold my breath ]i've been blown off before .

 

Friday she came by at like 9 pm helped me with a couple of things .telling me i should know this is a busy time of yr for her And she was going to visit her parents who live 4 hrs away for x-mas etc . SO she leaves on Friday before x-mas we talked that morning ,she'll call when she gets to her parents ,no call .i called her no answer [ normal for her ] when she's busy her phone don't exist [ like when she's at her friends house ] . We spoke Monday morning for like 3 minutes [ she called me ] .Here it is x-mas day almost 3 pm i haven't gotten a call or a text not even to ask how the kid [ dog] is doing .

 

She may call tonight ,tomorrow who knows .hell i don't even know what day she's coming back .she said she'd be back on Thursday BUT that changed. K i have no family out here , couple of friends through work that's about it .I don't even really care she isn't calling me saying happy holidays etc it's more her not calling to at least check on the dog ,i'm an adult i can deal with whatever BUT he's supposed to be the kid .

 

We've had discussions / arguments in the past like everyone else .i ask her what she wants ? she says '' for me to be happy '' [ that's totally something you want to hear from your girl-friend HA] I tell her easy to make me '' happy'' be honest , do what you say ,[ don't blow me off for your friends ] . If we have plans at times she'll just not show up call me hours later or the next day and just say something came up .

 

I worked like crazy even when i wasn't supposed to due to the illness/conditions i have now just to buy her special things for x-mas.i feel like going to her place and just leaving them on her porch . Sure when she gets back she'll stop by we'll talk BUT if nothing changes i'm over it it's ridiculous to me

Edited December 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[elaine567]

Forget giving her the nice things, she is treating you abominably. It is frankly shocking
.Get refunds and put the money away to help pay for vet bills for your dog in the future.
Arrange to move back home or to somewhere where there are people who actually care about you and your dog.

[PinkFlamingo]

It's horrible behavior. Monday can be forgiven with good explanations, but the long visit on Tuesdays to her friends' place while her boyfriend is sick?? And no holiday greetings (and I assume that it's important to her if she makes such a fuss about Christmas shopping and prepartions)? I actually expected that she would dump you on Friday after your comment on Thursday, but somehow she is still there. My guess is, she will break up with you when she is back. But maybe you should just break up with her before, because she does not seem like a very nice person.

[Wanderlust2018]

She isn’t prioritizing you, period. 

 

I mean, to learn that you were in the ER, and not drop everything (once she knew of that) and despite you mentioning you could use a little help is incredibly self-centered. 

 

Then the rest...oh my... So she’s closer to her “friends” than she is with you after a 4 year relationship and a 900 mile move!?!? Just curious, why didn’t she include you in those plans?

 

By the way, I don’t buy the whole her phone doesn’t exist when she’s with her friends...which sounds like is coming from her?

 

Also, was she the same, this way, before you moved and lived so far apart?

 

As painful as this may sound to hear, I think the writing is on the wall here. I wouldn’t tolerate this behavior and break it off immediately. She isn’t going to change and you’ll never be a priority to her. 

[preraph]

She shouldn't be saying she will do something and then blowing you off. I'm sorry to hear about your old dog. I have one in roughly the same shape. 

 

I'll tell you this, once your old dog passes, get yourself another one, and it will be there for you long after this woman is gone. 

[elaine567]

You can't make people want you and want to care for you.
The best you can do is to walk away and find someone who will love you.
Life is too short to accept this sort of treatment from anyone.
If you have health problems you NEED someone who is going to be there for you through thick and thin, not some selfish woman who doesn't care a damn.

Edited December 26, 2019 by elaine567

[K.K.]

Poor Dog.  I would kick a bitch to the curb no questions asked if she dared to deny my dogs needs. Your’s too but ... poor  little dog. 

[Vitaminka]

OP, what your GF did is terrible. No excuses for it but I wonder about few things.

 

You said that you've been dating for four years and you are what exactly after four years? Just a boyfriend and girlfriend, nothing more. Just how committed are you to each other? Usually, unless the relationship is a long distance one or there are some extraordinary circumstances, has to progress, move forward or so to speak, not to stay  the same. After four years, you should be married or at least engaged. The very least you should be living together by now.  Why didn't you start living together shortly after you moved for her? There should be a lot more commitment after dating for four years. Did you step up and at least offer it and she refused?

 

Does she feel like you are committed to her? Like you value her and want to spend the rest of your life with her and only her? Perhaps things are comfortable for you to just have a girlfriend, the one that goes to her own place after the date is over, but is it what she really wants? Does she wants or expects more, a lot more, after four years? Perhaps after a while when nothing happened, she realized that this is a dead end relationship. She stopped putting any effort into it as you can see. Or perhaps she found someone who can offer her more. Was she truly with her friends or she has someone else?

 

What exactly it means to be a GF and BF? It means nothing to be honest. Today I am your girlfriend, but tomorrow you can dump me and never look back. Or if a bigger better deal comes along, well, I can leave too. Please don't throw any rotten tomatoes my way, but it really is nothing. At least in all my life experiences. Like you said in your post, you will discuss things with her and if you don't like what she has to say, that's it, you are out of there. Just like that. Living together means you are a lot more committed to me and us. Engaged is still uncertain but at least you are saying that you want us to work out in a long term. Marriage is you saying that you willing to forgo others and be together, just us. But before the marriage offer is on a table, things are shaky and uncertain.

 

Like I said, her behavior is deplorable but are you even looking to take your relationship to the next level?

 

[Brennan72]

If any of my good friends were in the ER, for any reason,  would drop everything and be at the bedside.

 

you already have your answer on this one ...

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

What is this, a hollywood movie? You moved 900 miles? Really?

[sreed]

37 minutes ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said:

What is this, a hollywood movie? You moved 900 miles? Really?

 I did we've known each other for about 2 yrs before i did the move .nowhere near HollyWood lol

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

16 minutes ago, sreed said:

 I did we've known each other for about 2 yrs before i did the move .nowhere near HollyWood lol

 

Man, stick to what is convenient. Stick to being around your friends... Im surprised none of them tried to talk you out of this.

[sreed]

Vitaminka

 Yep together 4 yrs just  boyfriend / girlfriend [ dating ] .it's o.k. she was previously married for a few yrs has 2 kids so just moving slow i guess . We live apart it's just better

her kids may go over to spend time with her not into mom lives with her boyfriend thing .We discussed living together and going into the future we've said at some point it's a possibility.

 Defiantly should be more of a commitment i think BUT some things need to be ironed out .People we know mutually  tell me seems i'm more into the relationship and doing more for us than her .[ i plan things,pay for things,just buy her little things time to time etc] BUT i'm not the one with 2 kids so guess it's just easier .

 I'm sure when she's out or busy she's at her friends ,theirs no other guy involved.at times i even see her car at the friends place [ even see them sitting on the porch ] when i go to the store

have to drive down their street .I know boyfriend/girlfriend really doesn't mean as much today as it  did in the past .

 It's after 11 pm here still no calls , no texts i feel like just driving by her house and dropping the gifts off on her porch [ that's how frustrating it is ] hell i don't even know when she'll be back she said back on Thursday BUT that changed ,so i'll keep busy take care of the dog wait for the call or the ring of the bell , we'll talk she'll give me excuses and go from their, BUT i'm gonna take this relationship day by day ,treat her like i'm being treated if nothing solid my lease here is up next Nov i've been talking to my sis she thinks it would be cool with her ,her husband and me living near each other .

Quote

 

 

[sreed]

3 minutes ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said:

 

Man, stick to what is convenient. Stick to being around your friends... Im surprised none of them tried to talk you out of this.

 Oh some have tried ,some out here are telling me re evaluate the relationship, find someone to talk to [ i'd be willing ] i'm here settled so i'll see what happens when she gets back after we talk take it from their

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

10 minutes ago, sreed said:

 Oh some have tried ,some out here are telling me re evaluate the relationship, find someone to talk to [ i'd be willing ] i'm here settled so i'll see what happens when she gets back after we talk take it from their

What relationship? You do not have a relationship with this person. You were in the hospital and she waited almost a f***ing week to see you bro and she lives 10 minutes away from you... She might as well live half way across the country at this point, like damn bro, you cannot be tolerating all this mess from a woman that you moved 900 miles to be with... You move to be with her, she gotta act right or you gotta move back... And bro, not only did she wait a week to see you, but she says "Oh honey, you know im busy..." like you are beyond doormat level right now, you gotta go back bro, arrange to go back and go and don't ever leave again... Maybe for a better job, but for all this mess? Damn bro, not to be rude, but if you do not feel like an idiot, you should... Move back bro.

 

In addition, you should be with your family and friends for Christmas, not somebody who is too busy to spend one of the most important holidays of the year with you

Edited December 26, 2019 by CAPSLOCK BANDIT
In addition...

[sreed]

CAPSLOCK

 Oh i know what you're saying, i'd be saying the same thing to someone if they were going through this crap .i use the term '' relationship '' pretty loosely late;y here cause this isn't the way a real relationship goes in my eyes .i've givin her benefit of the doubt hoping she'd see that i moved 900 miles here for her [ even told her i didn't come all the way out here to go through this stuff ]. Told her before'' IF you don't want to be with me no need to blow me off on things ,just tell me and i could make other arrangements'' i've heard '' it's not that it's the holidays and i am busy with work, my parents ,kids,family'' [ an excuse i know ] BUT not even to call on x-mas day just to say '' hey pretty busy here wanted to say hi Merry X-Mas and see how the dog is doing ,'' would have been fine a quick 5 min call .her waiting a whole week to come by see me give me a hand with some stuff when i had to make an Emergency Room visit , that just boggles my mind .I'd NEVER do that to her or just a friend i'd make the time .

 Right now i have to stay her for another year .My lease is up Nov 2020. SO when she returns and we have '' the talk ''IF things continue like they've been i have to get out of this relationship , it's not moving forward it's not right .Totally feel like a '' doormat'' hell i feel like an ''Idiot''[ among other things ]. the whole Emergency Room thing , and the dog being ill along with x-mas not getting a call or a text kind of just opened my eyes wide .My sister who doesn't even know the girl [ except for some talking on the phone to her ] has invited us to her house for Thanksgiving and x-mas [ Thanksgiving we did here at my place she likes doing the black Friday shopping so we didn't go to my sisters ]BUT that's totally how it should go in my eyes , a major holiday give your partner the invite to be with you if you're visiting family let them make the choice to go or not  [ even if you don't get along with the people who will be their ] which isn't the case here , met her mom ,and siblings got along just fine .

[ThorntonMelon]

You know what you have to do.

 

Personally, I'd move home. I'd figure out how to scrape together the money (returning all those gifts is a good start) and move home and get away from this toxic relationship.

 

If you don't you're going to be posting here every few weeks about this situation for far longer than it deserves. Cut the chord. You tried your best, it didn't work, and it can't be saved.

 

Make it a wonderful gift to yourself. You deserve it.

 

Be well. 

[smackie9]

Give her nothing...take those gifts back. When she comes and sees you, tell her you are done. Pack your stuff up and go back home, sleep on a friend's couch or stay with family, start life over. Take care of yourself and your pooch. I agree this would be the best Christmas gift to yourself. Oh and NYE resolution, work on quitting smoking.

Edited December 26, 2019 by smackie9

[elaine567]

Change is scary but change will come your way soon enough.
NO woman who actually wants a relationship with a man would treat him like this.
She is on her way out whether you like it or not.
Take back control, dump her on your own terms, it will be a lot easier for you.

[OatsAndHall]

Honestly, we all get what we tolerate. I doubt this is the first time she has behaved like this; it just happens to be compounded by the holiday season and your illness. You two have been together for four years so I get the feeling this has been an on-going theme. If that's the case, then I would suggest calling it quits as the behavior is just going to continue.