StarrXdLvr Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Hi, I met this guy online about 6 weeks ago. The chemistry is great, we never run out of stuff to talk about, we talk for hours, have been out on several dates, etc. etc. etc. We have met each other's child (we're both single, one child) when we did a trip to the zoo a couple of weekends ago. I am usually the initiator for going out/seeing each other, but that's fine because until recently I always felt confident in his interest. He usually initiates our chats, and although I've mentioned to him that I like the phone better than IM, he told me that's his preferred method of communication, and I respect that. The few times we've talked on the phone, I always called him. He works an incredibly difficult job, often working 12-16 hours a day. Lately work has been even more demanding as he has a project he'll be working on the next month or so. I used to be so flattered that he would still make time to talk to me or meet for dinner/drinks during the week after working such long hours. Up until the last week or so, things were going really well. And then we had sex, LOL. Originally I had told him that I had no plans of having sex with him until and unless there was an agreement of exclusivity (I have been dating others all along). Well, I reneged on that deal last week after dinner and (lots) of drinks. The attraction had been building for awhile, and I just gave in. Right around that time (a day or so before we had sex) he told me that he had just been assigned this crazy project at work and would be pretty busy. Well, over the last week, he's been EXTREMELY busy. He's been working 16-18 hours a day, 7 hours a week since last week. That has left little time to talk or spend time together. He did tell me that his job gets like this sometimes, but it won't always be like this and should calm down again around November. Truthfully, I would probably be feeling ok about all this if the sex hadn't messed things up. I tried to avoid the cliche of wanting to "talk about our relationship" right after, but failed miserably. Really miserably. After not talking to him for 48 hours after we had sex, I took it upon myself to stop by unannounced during Monday night football of all times. WTF was I thinking? He said he didn't mind, but I think he did. The end result of that conversation was that he's not ready to pursue a full fledged relationship and wants to continue to date casually. We have only talked 2x since last Monday, both times very briefly, so I have pulled away big time as that is not what I wanted to hear. Not being ready to commit is one thing, and understandable at this early stage of the game. Not WANTING a relationship is another thing entirely. Which is why I wanted to wait on the sex, sigh. Basically, is this man just busy, but interested; interested some, but not enough; or completely not interested? Thanks!
Art_Critic Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Don't you just wish you could take the sex back ? Don't make excuses for him not calling or spending enough time with you .. A man will move mountains and rearrange his priorities if he is interested in you. Pull away entirely for a while.. If he is interested he will call.. And no if he doesn't call it isn't because his job keeps him busy.. When I was in my 20's I used to work 16-20 hrs a day for years and held relationships together.. It's all about priorities
alphamale Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 very few ppl work 18 hour days, 7 days a week. and the few that do would MAKE TIME for someone they really liked a lot. i would suggest you move on to greener pastures. 1
JS17 Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Don't you just wish you could take the sex back ? Too true. StarrXdLvr, I believe this guy is busy BUT, and that's a big BUT, he already told you he doesn't want a relationship and well, that you're not enough for him. "I want to date casually" just wouldn't fly in my book, and it didn't in my last relationship....and that's why it's over. I'm not going to settle for someone who is out there looking for something better to come along. If they can't see that the greatest thing in the world just fell into their lap then they can just go screw themselves, they're not worth my time. And this guy is definitely not worth yours.
whichwayisup Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 Pull away entirely for a while.. If he is interested he will call.. Yup. This is the best way to handle it. Back off, concentrate on other things and hopefully he'll come to you. If by chance he doesn't, don't beat yourself up over it!! He was after one thing and got it. Sorry to sound harsh! He may have been liking the thrill of the chase...I don't know.
blink Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 He's just not worth your time thinking about. He's too BUSY chatting with and/or seeing other women. Sometimes men thinks that they can easily fool a woman with excuse like busy at work. Women have instinct that can feel somethings not right. Such as, "are you so busy that you can't even call to say hi in a week?" Obviously he told you he wants to date casually. So just move on and think of this a lesson learned, because there are a lot of jacka** out there who just want to have a good night without attachment.
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